Downside of Dating, Psycho-Hose-Beasts!

[vanille]

Good idea. Thanks

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

It was so odd!! I mean, I guess it's true. If you compared me to a mono person in a long term relationship (assuming both partners are 100% faithful), I would technically be more likely to have a disease simply because I'm dating and sleeping with other people ...

If you were a mono person in a long term relationship, you wouldn't be on OKC. Or else you'd be looking to cheat, in which case one might say you're more likely to have diseases because you're already showing a tendency to lie and hide things, so why not lie and hide your health status too?

So suppose there are two types of people on OKC: poly partnered people, and unpartnered people. Poly partnered people have a regular sex partner for when they get urges. Unpartnered people have to sleep around or keep fuck buddies to satisfy these urges (assuming masturbating is inadequate). Which is more likely to pick up a disease??

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat

So suppose there are two types of people on OKC: poly partnered people, and unpartnered people. Poly partnered people have a regular sex partner for when they get urges. Unpartnered people have to sleep around or keep fuck buddies to satisfy these urges (assuming masturbating is inadequate). Which is more likely to pick up a disease??

Yeah. I suppose the herpes I got from selling myself on a street corner would have been a sticking point for him, too.

Funnily enough, that special man was pre poly. Morning after an oral sex only romp: "What's that bump on my lip? Oh yeah, I have been feeling a cold sore coming on." Ugh.

[gwendolenthefair]

Here's my psycho hosebeast story (unless only women can be hosebeasts). About two years ago I was on OKC and met a very cute guy about ten years my junior who called himself poly. He wanted to get very personal right away, he told me just about everything about himself, including his last name and where he worked, before we even met (I did not do the same though.) He said he wanted a very serious and long-term relationship. We had several very nice dinner dates with progressively hotter making out afterward, until we consummated our passion with the most incendiary sexual marathon I've ever had in my life. A week after, he invited me over to his house to spend the day. He greeted me at the door, practically dragged me to the bedroom, but then, right in the middle of things, excused himself to go to the bathroom, where I could hear him being sick. When he came out he looked horrible, all greenish and sweating. He admitted that his stomach had been bothering him all morning, but he had been trying to ignore it because he wanted to see me so badly. I wanted to call a doctor, make a drugstore run, anything, but he insisted he only wanted to sleep. I left, but not before making him promise to call me and update me on his condition after I woke up.

He didn't call that night. He didn't call the next day. A full 48 hours later, I had left messages for him, texted him, sent emails, and no response. I was getting really worried. I envisioned him lying unconscious on the floor of his apartment. He lived alone. I could not drop everything and just go back to his place, it was an hour and a half from me and I had a job and young kids too. So I called his office and asked the receptionist if he'd called in sick that day. I figured that if he could do that, he was conscious and could talk on the phone and get help if he needed it. The receptionist thought she had actually seen him at work that morning, although she wasn't completely positive, and transferred me to his voicemail, where I left another message asking him to call.

By 10 pm that night, I hadn't heard from him and figured that my six-week relationship with him was over, so I left him an email asking him to clarify if we were indeed done, telling him that I was a big girl and could handle it, etc.

The next morning, he got in touch. He said he'd been in the hospital the whole time, without his phone, and had just gotten out. I told him that I was thrilled that he was OK, because I'd been worried sick and had even called his office and asked the receptionist if she had news of him. At that point, he had the most massive freakout I've ever been unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of. Yes, this poly guy who wanted to meet my husband, my kids, my friends, wanted to be a significant part of MY life, even talked of relocating to be closer to me, thought it was an outrageous invasion of privacy that I called his office to ask a minimum-wage receptionist if he was OK after leaving him sick and then not hearing from him for three days. At first, I tried to tell him some version of "You idiot, I was extremely worried about you, you could have been dying on the floor of your apartment," but then he got verbally abusive, I told him we were over, and that was that.

That was some great sex though. I'd always heard that lunatics were great in bed and now I believe it.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair

Yes, this poly guy ... thought it was an outrageous invasion of privacy that I called his office to ask a minimum-wage receptionist if he was OK after leaving him sick and then not hearing from him for three days.

Speaking on behalf of receptionists everywhere (and believe me, I've made wa-a-a-ay more than minimum wage doing reception work), I find that comment a bit icky and condescending.

I probably wouldn't have called his job, either, but that's just me.

[gwendolenthefair]

It's hardly condescending to point out that someone is very poorly paid, as many doing reception work in my area are, particularly if they are only hired for phone work. I've worked as a freelance editor at a wide variety of companies in my area, and at the majority of firms I have been at, the receptionists had about as much status and influence as the folks who cleaned the offices after hours. Therefore, she was not someone my ex would have to worry about causing problems at his work (if that was what he was worried about, but who knows).

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair

It's hardly condescending to point out that someone is very poorly paid ... the receptionists had about as much status and influence as the folks who cleaned the offices after hours.

Yeah, well, receptionists don't just answer phones and you were hardly defending her as an underearner. My point, which went over your head, is that your comment implied she was someone of no consequence, unimportant, only a minimum wage worker, so what was he worried about? It was an elitist thing to say.

No need to continue this tangent, though. Sorry for derailing the thread.

[SchrodingersCat]

In your defence, I have been in a situation where I didn't hear from my partner for 2 days because he was working road construction, his phone fell in the asphalt, and is now part of highway #16 between North Battleford and Lloydminster... oh right, the point of which is that I called everyone in the company whose number I had, to see if he was alright, since I was not yet listed as his next of kin. So I can relate to that.

However, the tone of the comment sounded derogatory to me also, as though you shared the company's opinion that the receptionist is worthless. For example, you could have used the phrase "here-today-gone-tomorrow receptionist" to emphasize her low-risk position. Typically, the phrase "minimum-wage ____" is used to refer to someone who is incapable of getting a better job, so it's to emphasize that the person herself is bottom-of-the-barrel, and not that her chosen career is underpaid.

Also, regardless of their official status within the company, you have now extended that implied attitude to the cleaning staff, without whom the whole business would fall apart because none of the "high-status, influential" businessfolk would know where the spare rolls of toilet paper are kept...