Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 10-21-2011, 06:04 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,252
Default

So we talked last week. He doesn't want what he described as partial relationships, ambigious relationships - like the one we were in. I told him I had trouble showing him where I was at emotionally, being less shielded, if I thought at some level, I was being assessed as girlfriend material. This was especially true because I am in so much pain caused by my breakup with Beloved that I am not at my best by any means. So I couldn't balance talking things over about my breakup with my good friend, which he is, and being a lover. It was all very strange.

So he does not want to be lovers, at least for a while. And I have to agree that that is the right idea for both of us right now. So we've broken up.

So while it's the right thing to do, it's still a painful rejection, especially since my main relationship has just ended. When we hung out next, SW told me he was more comfortable and relaxed around me, not feeling dissonance. The ambiguity had really wore on him and when it was resolved, he felt very relieved. My response was snarky and passive aggressive and not one of my better moments. He had not realized before that I was hurt - I hate showing pain and usually hide it. I apologized for the snarky comment and that I should have just told him I was hurt.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-21-2011, 08:11 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,252
Default Crap weekend ahead

So Beloved is flying in this weekend to pack up her stuff at the house. She's not staying with me, thank deity. We have some stuff to sort out - mainly belongings where it is not clear whose it is, that kind of thing. My plan is to be there for an hour or so and then leave her to her packing.

It's going to be so hard to see her. I can avoid some of the pain because I don't see her daily. She hasn't had to leave the house (or vice versa). But actually seeing her is going to bring everything up. I want to see her because I want to say goodbye. And tell her I will see her again someday.

And I don't want to see her because I don't want to start crying uncontrollably. Which is very likely.

Fortunately, SW, who is out of town this weekend, gave me the key to his place so I have somewhere private to go that is not my house. I so appreciate this! I'm going to hang out with a couple that I've become friends with. So I have a plan in place.

Still, I'm so dreading this.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-22-2011, 12:27 AM
vixtresses's Avatar
vixtresses vixtresses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 107
Default

I'm very sorry to hear about this. :hug:
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 10-22-2011, 11:47 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,470
Default

Opal, so sorry you've lost two relationships at once. *hugs* I am glad you're at least still friends with SW and that you have others in your life to be with while Beloved is packing.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 10-24-2011, 03:23 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,252
Default

Sad. Numb. Went ok.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 10-24-2011, 01:24 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,063
Default

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 10-25-2011, 02:53 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,252
Default

Thanks everyone for the hugs and kind words. I so appreciate it.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 10-27-2011, 08:42 AM
Carma's Avatar
Carma Carma is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 477
Default

Thinking of you.
__________________
Married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-22-2011, 10:39 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,252
Default

I'm doing better than I thought. In fact, I'm doing so well that I wonder when the other shoe will drop, when the bottom will fall out. I can't figure out if I'm actually ok or just thinking I'm ok. (Thinking I'm ok when I'm really not is, unfortunately, something I'm good at.)

I need to talk to a counselor. Unfortunately, there is no poly friendly counselors who also take my insurance listed in the various online resources available. None of my friend's suggestions take my insurance either. I will figure it out but it's frustrating.

Having Beloved take out her stuff was hard. It helped that I was away for almost all of it. I'm so grateful that my couple friends let me hang out with them for the day. The place is definitely emptier. I also realized that I gave her lots and lots of art over the years - to the point where I have very little art in my home now. I have some - but most of it was gifts to her, which I wanted her to keep. But now my house is not full of art and I find this more jarring and disheartening than I ever anticipated. It never occurred to me that this would be the thing that bugs me about her stuff being gone.

I got a promotion at work, and a much needed salary bump! This has relieved much of my financial worries about having just the one income. Ironically, this new job allows me to work just about anywhere in the US. Life is bitterly funny sometimes.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-22-2011, 10:53 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,525
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I need to talk to a counselor. Unfortunately, there is no poly friendly counselors who also take my insurance listed in the various online resources available. None of my friend's suggestions take my insurance either. I will figure it out but it's frustrating.
Start interviewing those that do take your insurance, you might get lucky.

Quote:
I got a promotion at work, and a much needed salary bump! This has relieved much of my financial worries about having just the one income.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
break-ups, endings, friends with benefits, fwb, hpv, independence, solo, stds, sti

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:51 PM.