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Old 11-21-2011, 06:28 AM
cagedbutterfly cagedbutterfly is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Outter Space
Posts: 30
Default 2 Issues

To put it simply, my poly partner cheated.
He has 2 girlfriends, me and another partner and he slept with an ex a week ago. I caught him out.. he confessed, is regretful and will have no contact with her in the immediate future as she still wishes to be with him (probably didn't help that he slept with her AGAIN as its been months and months)

I am devestated, and I feel like a hypocrit for being upset because I believe in poly and what we are doing.... but I am just so upset and angry.
I moved her 4 weeks ago to be with him, and he couldn't stop himself 3 weeks in.

Any advice on how to deal?

So my partner also has another partner, we have all been together the same amount of time but she lived in the same place, where as we did long distance and eventually decided to take it to the next level.

We get on okay, and I respect their relationship and time together.

When I moved we discussed how it would work and I thought only fair that he split his nights evenly as possible in a month with both of us.
But he and I work togerther, so most days we spent 8+ hours in the office together and although we aren't smooching.. its nice to be in the same place as someone that you love.
So I agreed FOR NOW while she adjusts to sharing him more, because I live with him.. that he has 4 nights with her and 3 with me.
I am not that unhappy or happy with the situation just indifferent.
However I wanted weekends to be split, as in rotating friday/saturday night as I did not move 8 hours to spend every Saturday night alone.

Well that hasn't happened for the last 3 weeks, and now he's just sprung on me that she has plans next Saturday night.

I am quite livid, especially with the recent cheating episode (he hasn't told her, and wont at my advice because she'd probably have a break down and i feel like i've handled it.. please don't judge)

So yes, I am at the point where I feel like I need to put her in her place, that she can't just plan things every Saturday night and assume that he will be there. It's not respectful to our relationship.
I am also angry at him because he wont "put her in her place" essentially and just tell her that she doesn't always get what she wants.

So in any case, I've ended up with a really shitty roster this weekend of Monday, Thursday, Friday.

Does anyone have any advice on how or who I should talk about this with.
He keeps saying that it "just happens" but I feel their is more too it.

With regards to the cheating, am I being too easy to forgive him for his mistake? I really love him and want to make this work but I feel so shitty.
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