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Old 11-04-2009, 05:29 PM
redsirenn's Avatar
redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Sunny CA
Posts: 293
Default maintaining self-identity

Hey all!
Ouroboros and I had a discussion last night about beginning the discussions regarding opening our relationship. I was scared, but knew it was coming. I can read his body language and knew he needed to talk about something. So - A couple of things came from that for me, that i didn't discover until I analyzed my dreams in my dream... wierd, I know.

1) I was really happy not talking about this stuff. I was feeling peaceful, not stressed out, things were going great, etc. We have been dating for a while now, but only 2 months of which have been exclusive, and then we had that whole kiss thing to work thru. I feel like although we have been dating for a while, I haven't felt at "peace" for most of it. He is kind've freaked out that we have been sexually exclusive (he didn't sleep with anyone else during the whole time) but I still went home and would wonder if he had since nothing was agreed upon until recently. That was a bit stressful - wondering. Now we are more "put together", due to that 2 months of exclusivity and calmness... but it just doesn't feel as long to me as it does to him since I don't count all those months of wondering who we were as a couple and having to work thru that boundary break that hurt me. So - Last night in my dream I was upset that I did not have more time.

2) This sucks. Not the relationship - that is great. But I just want some more peace!!! So, then I realized my biggest fear is losing myself in this relationship - spending all that time working thru stuff, and getting distracted from my music, art, school, friends, etc.

So, friends, How do you maintain your self identity in such a complicated relationship dynamic which requires so much work? Do you have to schedule time and separate these tasks? How do you do that when this stuff circles in your mind all day?
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