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  #11  
Old 11-17-2011, 08:25 AM
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mekodesu mekodesu is offline
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we really do need a like button on here lol

i have most def apologized and hopefully in some way have reassured her that i was not being dismissive (which i would never do) i take this far to seriously to do that as well. guess now i jsut gotta prove i was listening so its not a question
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  #12  
Old 11-17-2011, 05:27 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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re-assure her that you DID hear what she said and repeat back to her what she said
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guess now i jsut gotta prove i was listening so its not a question
What I have learned (fairly recently), is that what we hear is not always what someone meant. This happens all the time with my husband and I. He will claim to have "heard" what I was saying, but when I ask him to repeat it back, it's clear my message got seriously convoluted and twisted (and vice versa). Hense the need to repeat stuff back.

Last edited by SNeacail; 11-17-2011 at 09:17 PM.
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  #13  
Old 11-17-2011, 09:04 PM
mennodaughter mennodaughter is offline
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Try identifying things that speak love to her and show them to her. Small, insignificant things that speak directly to her heart and help her feel safe and loved. Just express them without any expectation of return and then let it speak for itself to her.

Her primary partner right now has a tremendous advantage. She's there. She's seeing what's going on. She has some understanding of what she is going through, and she's going to be the one who gets to do the bulk of the support. That doesn't mean you can't be there and show your love as well. It does mean you will have to tread very carefully through this and focus primarily on her and her needs and let your own be on a back burner for her.

Most relationship experts will actually encourage people to not make any major relationship decisions during pregnancy or within a year of giving birth. The hormones and life changes are just SOO overwhelming that it's hard to know if you're reacting from those or making a decision you're going to be glad you made in five years.
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  #14  
Old 11-17-2011, 11:06 PM
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mekodesu mekodesu is offline
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mennodaughter that is actually i am slightly worried about, this next year... i actually dont know what to expect (of course) i also know that if i go and say this (im not insane and i do like living ya know) let me just stop that thought before i get it out lol

B most def has the advantage and i know i have told her that (not in a bitter way, slightly jealous because of the experiences that are missed... does that make sense)

i didnt think of the small things, but right now it would have to be very cautious or it might revert back to the "im not taking the situation seriously" idk aarrrgggg!!!!!!
seriously frustrating~
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  #15  
Old 11-18-2011, 12:43 AM
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i didnt think of the small things, but right now it would have to be very cautious or it might revert back to the "im not taking the situation seriously" idk aarrrgggg!!!!!!
Even purely platonic friends do small little things, so don't be afraid to just be a friend. My husband and I start to feel disconnected when we forget to be each others friend first.
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  #16  
Old 11-18-2011, 04:50 AM
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thats one thing i love and value most about this relationship is that we were friends first. and i agree you cant forget that in a relationship or it just... idk starts to die i guess. thats one thing that a break allows is the continued building of that.
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  #17  
Old 11-19-2011, 09:39 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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Regardless of where your relationship is headed, a pregnant woman feels a tremendous need to retreat and have very tight support from A person, not a lot of people.
This is a generalization, and I have not found it to be true in my own pregnancy. I have had wonderful bonding experiences with my husband. Being pregnant with his child is a special time in our relationship. Still, I have also happily maintained things with my secondary man while pregnant.

YMMV with pregnant women, is what I'm saying. I'm reluctant to "blame" her pulling away from you on her pregnancy.

I will agree, however, that it would be harder to snuggle with two people in bed while hugely pregnant! I am at that point where I sort of wedge myself in at night with pillows and try to tough it out until I have to get up again to go to the bathroom. Ugh.
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  #18  
Old 11-20-2011, 12:48 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I will agree, however, that it would be harder to snuggle with two people in bed while hugely pregnant! I am at that point where I sort of wedge myself in at night with pillows and try to tough it out until I have to get up again to go to the bathroom. Ugh.
Meko's gf is only 5 months pregnant. Some women do get hornier in their middle trimester (didn't happen to me, but I have heard this!). And they can be more comfortable than they were in the first trimester (with its nausea and fatigue), and more comfortable than in the 3rd trimester, like you, huge and uncomfortable and needing to pee every half hour. Ugh. (Is this your first pregnancy? Most first pregnancies go 41 weeks, so I hope you have a New Year's baby and not a Christmas baby!)

Meko, my heart goes out to you, living so far away from your beloved couple and the little developing baby. I'd be a bit jealous, or envious too, if I were you. Pregnancy is a wonderful, life changing time, and I'm sure you often wish you could be there to cook for her, or massage her feet, or other nice nurturing things.
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  #19  
Old 11-21-2011, 12:52 AM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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Meko's gf is only 5 months pregnant. Some women do get hornier in their middle trimester (didn't happen to me, but I have heard this!). And they can be more comfortable than they were in the first trimester (with its nausea and fatigue), and more comfortable than in the 3rd trimester, like you, huge and uncomfortable and needing to pee every half hour. Ugh. (Is this your first pregnancy? Most first pregnancies go 41 weeks, so I hope you have a New Year's baby and not a Christmas baby!)
Oh, sorry, wasn't paying proper attention! Yes, 5 months pregnant is awesome. Oh, to be 5 months pregnant again... I am a huge beached whale right now.

Yes, this is my first pregnancy. I'm due on the 20th, but I'm scheduled to play my last concert on the 17th, so as long as he stays in until then, I don't care if he comes at Christmas at this point... just get him out!

Meko, I'm also sorry you're so far away from all of these goings-on. I bet part of the problem is the distance here.
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  #20  
Old 11-21-2011, 05:55 PM
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going into the 22nd week this week, excited yes and still kind of sad about things. i havent really talked to either of them as much since all of this and that hurts quite a bit, there are additional things going on with one of them as well and i wish i could be there for support at least for that but right now its hard enough to get a reply back to a text. idk. the distance does kill me quite abit and i often wish things were different there. this has been very up and down this week and is effecting my thinking, emotions everything right now.
apparently last night baby started hiccuping. i ahte that i am missing so much
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