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  #11  
Old 11-15-2011, 07:38 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
For me, sexual attraction is a subset of emotional attraction, which is a subset of... friendly attraction? To put it another way, I'm only romantically attracted to people with whom I can be friends, and I'm only sexually attracted to people with whom I can be romantically involved.
I'm exactly the same way, if you define "sexual attraction" as "desire to have sex with someone". When I said in my last post that I can feel sexual attraction at the early stage, I meant "wow, he's so cute", not "I can't wait to see him naked".
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  #12  
Old 11-15-2011, 11:55 PM
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ray ray is offline
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I rarely, if ever, feel sexually attracted to anyone I don't know.

I cannot recall a single instance where I have seen an attractive person and thought about having sex with them. Seriously, not even once.
This makes me feel better! I never understood when people would see some one and then immediately fantasize about them sexually or even movie stars. I've never felt comfortable/wanted to fantasize about a movie star, since I don't know them. Finally I realized that there are just lots of ways attraction plays out and neither scenario is wrong, just different.

Sometimes, although rarely, I fantasize about some one I don't know terribly well. Like #SexyProfessor I'll probably mention him in a blog soon. He's one of my professors this semester and I cannot stop fantasizing about/feeling incredibly sexually drawn to him. This is kind of a new experience for me. Definitely fun though

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I'm exactly the same way, if you define "sexual attraction" as "desire to have sex with someone".
Yeah, sorry I didn't clarify that. Being drawn to some one sexually, perhaps might be a better way to phrase it.
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  #13  
Old 11-16-2011, 12:44 AM
bulrush bulrush is offline
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I'm a man, but, it seems, I'm not a typical man. I'm very comfortable with my emotions. In general, in serious relationships, I have to be attracted to a woman's personality. If that isn't there, I don't get as much out of the sex part. And sometimes I'm not attracted to her at all sexually.

However there are times when I just want a spontaneous adventure, not a serious relationship, and her personality doesn't matter. So the attraction would be mainly physical.
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  #14  
Old 11-16-2011, 07:25 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
I'm exactly the same way, if you define "sexual attraction" as "desire to have sex with someone". When I said in my last post that I can feel sexual attraction at the early stage, I meant "wow, he's so cute", not "I can't wait to see him naked".
Clarification noted. I would probably think of "wow he's cute" as "physical attraction"... yeah yeah, semantics... I love semantics :>

So here's what these terms mean to me, and not necessarily proposing them as a generality, just what I mean when I say them:
Physical attraction: "he's cute!" or "wow I love her dreadlocks!"
Sexual attraction: "I want to have sexual relations with that girl"
Emotional attraction: "I can imagine having a romantic relationship with this person"

With regards to friendship, I don't know if I feel any type of "attraction" per se... I get along with almost everyone I know, and while I'm closer to some people than others, I usually refer to most people as "friends" to some extent. Or else I refer to them by relationship: "Some guy in my class" "One of the people in my student group" "This lady from yoga" etc...
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-16-2011 at 07:31 AM.
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  #15  
Old 11-16-2011, 05:17 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by Jade View Post
I can also be deeply emotionally attracted to people, though I don't open up easily, so my relationships generally develop slowly. It can take years before I open up to a co-worker.

I watch people. I watch their actions, reactions, communication style. I examine what makes them smile, laugh, touch. I measure their trustworthiness. From this process, all my relationships develop.
^^ These parts are the same for me. I would add in that I need to respect the person. If I lose respect for them, my libido recoils as well.

Though I can say I am 50/50 on sexual vs. emotional attraction. I love a pretty face, and can be a sucker for one. Of course, in this manner, it`s rare that a long-lasting love develops. Can be fun none-the-less

Emotionally, I tend to fall in love with friends. Usually a puppy-love and if it stands the test of time, then it deepens from experiences.
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  #16  
Old 11-17-2011, 05:52 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by ray View Post
@RP - I'm curious to know more about having a non-sexual boyfriend. Without sounding silly, how does that work? I'd like to know more about relationships of that kind. It sounds like something I might be interested in doing some day if the situation were right.
I decided to not have a sexual relationship with him after a long slew of casual relationships that were brief and included sex or at least a lot of sexual innuendos and over sexualized discussion and flirting. I was sick of it. I felt cheap, dirty, used and that I was worthless in any other way than sexually. I didn't believe for one second that a man would want me for any other reason than to fuck me. I thought I would lose him because I was not available to have sex with. It turned out that he stuck around for three years now.

Mono was struggling with me creating a sexual relationship with him so it was convenient to say no. At the time I used Mono's fear and monogamous nature as a stepping stone to the non-sexual relationship we have now. I was addicted to the attitude/lifestyle/persona (whatever one wants to call it) and Mono helped pull me back from that kicking and screaming. I am much happier now for it. It wasn't working for me the way it was set up. I wasn't empowered as some women seem to be from being a "slut." I just felt like a "slut" in the bad sense.

I would be ready to move on from non-sexual now. We shall see where that goes if anywhere.... its complicated.
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  #17  
Old 11-18-2011, 05:44 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
@RP - I'm curious to know more about having a non-sexual boyfriend. Without sounding silly, how does that work? I'd like to know more about relationships of that kind. It sounds like something I might be interested in doing some day if the situation were right.
I also have a friend in this situation. One of her girlfriends is asexual. i.e. nonexistent sex-drive. They cuddle, they have an emotionally intimate relationship, conversation, etc. Just no sexual relations. I haven't pried and she didn't mention whether that includes kissing and if so, to what extent. I'm personally not big into kissing-sessions, so I don't really see kisses as "sexual" for me. More like hugs, only with lips :P
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

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