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Old 11-16-2011, 05:24 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Default Switching gears

So, I imagine this happens to a lot of poly people. You're with lover A and you accidentally use a technique that's adored by lover B but that lover A hates. Embarrassing!!

For me, it would happen with light, stroking touches with the fingertips. Davis finds it very sensual, Gia finds it very ticklish and unsexy. My poor, confused fingers would sometimes go into autopilot when things got hot and heavy and suddenly I'd have messed up the mood!

Got any funny stories on this topic, or any tips on how to avoid it?

It's not just a sex thing OR just a poly thing, of course. My ex, Ziggy, loved spontaneity whereas Davis gets antsy when things aren't planned out, and sometimes I'll call Davis up with a whacky, spur-of-the-moment plan and get confused when he's not enthused the way Z would have been.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:57 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
It's not just a sex thing OR just a poly thing, of course. My ex, Ziggy, loved spontaneity whereas Davis gets antsy when things aren't planned out, and sometimes I'll call Davis up with a whacky, spur-of-the-moment plan and get confused when he's not enthused the way Z would have been.
Just a suggestion: Before telling Davis of the "whacky plan", warn him this is a spur-of-the-moment thing and give him a couple hours to processes it, ie "I had this whacky idea ..., think about it and I call you back in a hour or so". For those of us who don't do spontaneous really well, we can be trained that some spontaneity is good, but it's a sloooow process.

My husband, even after 20 years can get my likes/dislikes mixed up with other peoples, his sister, his bff ...
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Old 11-16-2011, 06:16 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Just a suggestion: Before telling Davis of the "whacky plan", warn him this is a spur-of-the-moment thing and give him a couple hours to processes it, ie "I had this whacky idea ..., think about it and I call you back in a hour or so". For those of us who don't do spontaneous really well, we can be trained that some spontaneity is good, but it's a sloooow process.
Ha! That's *exactly* what he asked I do. Guess I gotta start trying to plan ahead a little better...
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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