Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 11-15-2011, 03:07 PM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 15
Default

I know. I've started the process of backing away from him. He is still pushing to see me. I know this is going to take sometime to do. I love him very much and trying to focus on the good that we've had isn't working anymore.

I'm tired and hurt. He continues to think that just ignoring it will make it go away.

My slight relationship I had with her is now non-exsistant. So contacting her is out of the question. I don't think though that she would be as upset with this as he says she would be. She posted on another board that she offered it to him (partially because she wanted to fluid bond with her other BF) and he turned her down saying "he knows what he has with me"

He later said, after I confronted him (that post was how I found out that they weren't using protection) he said that he meant he was happy with our sex life. I don't think that's what he meant, but it doesn't matter.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-15-2011, 05:57 PM
FireChild FireChild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jax, FL, USA
Posts: 125
Default

I'm so sorry he broke your trust. That's not what D/s is about at all.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-15-2011, 06:55 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

He's your Dom and hers? Or was? Sounds like she is the dom here. She's calling the shots if he agreed to this. A crap one at that. A good dom would not put his sub at risk and certainly wouldn't allow his sub to call those kind of shots. He's a child and not dominant if you ask me.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-16-2011, 03:16 AM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 15
Default

She is a "bottom" but about 9 months into our relationship they together chose to end the D/s type stuff out of their relationship. I am his sub. And yes Redpepper I feel like they both think I am both their subs. Through the course of this I have been forced or maybe asked very sternly to do things to make her happy.

I don't think that she would be as upset with this comprimise as he lets on, but then again she hates me. (this is a whole other post, I did write one a while back about it on here but nothing came of the topic)

I am trying to keep my feelings regaurding things she has said or done out of the equation and focus on the condom issue with him. He continues to say I am forcing him to chose between us. And I don't feel I am.

I am supposed to see him tomorrow, a platonic lunch. We haven't been intimate in weeks now, but he has seen her (on a day that was supposed to be mine, but I won't dwell on that) and been intimate.

If I choose to look past this and just sweep it under the rug I know I will regret it, yet my heart is crying for him to hold me. Ugh, I'm such a wreak.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-16-2011, 03:29 AM
FireChild FireChild is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jax, FL, USA
Posts: 125
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaconWrappedCupcakes View Post
She is a "bottom" but about 9 months into our relationship they together chose to end the D/s type stuff out of their relationship. I am his sub. And yes Redpepper I feel like they both think I am both their subs. Through the course of this I have been forced or maybe asked very sternly to do things to make her happy.

I don't think that she would be as upset with this comprimise as he lets on, but then again she hates me. (this is a whole other post, I did write one a while back about it on here but nothing came of the topic)

I am trying to keep my feelings regaurding things she has said or done out of the equation and focus on the condom issue with him. He continues to say I am forcing him to chose between us. And I don't feel I am.

I am supposed to see him tomorrow, a platonic lunch. We haven't been intimate in weeks now, but he has seen her (on a day that was supposed to be mine, but I won't dwell on that) and been intimate.

If I choose to look past this and just sweep it under the rug I know I will regret it, yet my heart is crying for him to hold me. Ugh, I'm such a wreak.
Some day there is going to be a guy who understands that control isn't about taking away a person's choice but about loving someone enough to put them on a path that brings them immense pleasure and joy. He's going to respect the gift of your submission and treat you with such reverence. Kick this fucker to the curb so you can find Him.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-16-2011, 03:32 AM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 15
Default

Lol, thank you for making me smile ( that is what I want and need) and laugh (he def got a few choice "unsubly words" thrown at him, as he says, when I found all this out) tonight FireChild
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-16-2011, 03:32 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,229
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireChild View Post
Some day there is going to be a guy who understands that control isn't about taking away a person's choice but about loving someone enough to put them on a path that brings them immense pleasure and joy. He's going to respect the gift of your submission and treat you with such reverence. Kick this fucker to the curb so you can find Him.
Yes!! Well said. Free yourself and heal, and find someone who will bring you joy without laying this blatantly manipulative bullshit on you.
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-16-2011, 03:38 AM
BaconWrappedCupcakes BaconWrappedCupcakes is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 15
Default

Thank you all for all the advice and kind, well to me , words. I will update tomorrow with how the lunch goes.

Sleep well.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-16-2011, 05:59 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaconWrappedCupcakes View Post
I am supposed to see him tomorrow, a platonic lunch. We haven't been intimate in weeks now, but he has seen her (on a day that was supposed to be mine, but I won't dwell on that) and been intimate.
If you read this before the lunch, I would just tell him you're not forcing him to choose anything. You're making your own choice about your safety.

He's saying that to be manipulative and make you feel that you're to blame. You are not to blame. He is, 100%.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-16-2011, 02:38 PM
Openman Openman is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 8
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaconWrappedCupcakes View Post
He said he knew she was clean and I was not at risk for anything.

Just to re-iterate what others have said. He's trying to cover his lies with rationalizations. This is, to me, an unforgivable lack of integrity.

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. But if you live with integrity in your relationships, I can't imagine that it could be productive in anyway to stick around someone who does not live with the same level of integrity.

I would move on.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
abusing partners, bdsm, safe sex, sti

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:22 PM.