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  #21  
Old 11-12-2011, 02:38 AM
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Carma Carma is offline
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LS,
Do you know something? I think it is incredibly cool that you came here with a question, a problem, a concern...... BEFORE it got so far gone you were in a big bad ugly mess, AND you listened with an open mind, looked at some other people's experiences in similar situations, considered some others' opinions, and made a good, solid, virtuous decision in your own best interest.

I want to follow YOUR thread! KUDOS, girl!!!
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  #22  
Old 11-14-2011, 02:43 PM
LittleSara LittleSara is offline
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Default Thank you!

Thank you!! I will definitely have more to say tomorrow after my first poly event tonight! <3

xoxo
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  #23  
Old 11-14-2011, 03:01 PM
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Senga Senga is offline
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hey glad you found this forum

Quote:

"It won't hurt anybody if they don't find out."

From what I have read, what you are trying to say is that yes, it will hurt someone. It hurts your feelings to be secretive & lie to others & have to hide your relationship.
I think that is what you were trying to communicate to him, & perhaps he was not understanding it because he doesnt mind:?
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  #24  
Old 11-14-2011, 03:08 PM
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Senga Senga is offline
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"Why can't you let me worry about that?"

Apparently he does not view you as HIS primary.

You see, if he did, (in my opinion) then you would be a part of or have some influence on the decisions he makes about relationships, or anything that you both do.


by the way, to put it in perspective, since it feels like you are doing something that I often do. To me, sometimes relationships are very very personal, sometimes can mean more to me than to others. As a way to understand this I try to clarify things with myself, (I often like to call my primary partner my 'full-time' boyfriend and my secondary as 'part-time'... even though I do hate to label it, I usually do not use the label, but time spent together is the most notable difference, you see)
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  #25  
Old 11-14-2011, 03:16 PM
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Senga Senga is offline
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Quote:
"If we make each other happy we shouldn't stop seeing each other."
"You make me happy, don't I make you happy?"



If I were you, trying to get to the bottom of this, know that questions in reply to questions are usually either defensive, or curious.

These questions seem both defensive & curious.
So you know there is more to his feelings there.
I do sense a hesitency of his to commit to you more, but also a curiosity & willingness to try to make you happy.


In reguards to how you should feel/think when posed with this question... when asked that, I feel that I should clarify HOW we make each other happy. What ways do we make each other happy? (Keep in mind his answer may be different than yours, which is okay in theory, and could be important) Perhaps you are right & friendship is the core ingredient... perhaps it is something else, and just knowing and understanding this will allow you to focus the relationship around that particular thing. It's all about identifying needs, desires/wants, and flexibility that helps make a situation work.

Best wishes to you

Last edited by Senga; 11-14-2011 at 03:19 PM.
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  #26  
Old 11-14-2011, 03:17 PM
LittleSara LittleSara is offline
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Default Difficult truth

Quote:
Originally Posted by Senga View Post

Apparently he does not view you as HIS primary.
It sucks but it's true. I think our relationship was more important to me than it was to him, which was hurtful but I think it just happens and it isn't anyone's fault...
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