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  #11  
Old 11-10-2011, 12:39 AM
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You owe him nothing. "A few months" is basically how long it takes for the honeymoon to wear off, and it sounds like that's happened here. He figures he has you and no longer has to impress you.

Well he succeeded: you're unimpressed.

The last thing you need while trying to keep your health and wellness up for baby-building is the stress and danger he brings into your life.

It sounds like he isn't ready for any kind of a relationship, and not remotely ready for a polyamorous one.
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  #12  
Old 11-10-2011, 05:24 AM
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I can't see why you would bother with this guy, sick or not... "It was fun while it lasted, and now its done... good bye." Doesn't have to be much more complicated than saying that.
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  #13  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:17 AM
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Well, I did it. I felt like an ass for not doing it in person. I did it in real time over the internet at the advice of a friend who knew I was afraid of him - she's the only person besides, well, P and you guys who picked up on that. He was pretty much a jerk, spent time trying to argue me out of it and when I went to sleep, he texted P and said he had stuff for me to pick up at his house. P didn't respond so he IM'd me the same message and then spent a good hour debating to my IM every point I made. He's basically blaming me (I knew he would) for "not spending time with him" and like he did when he lashed out at P weeks ago, using my words and twisting them to make his argument.

I'm so over this. Thank you all so much. It was wonderful to have a non-vested, outside perspective and with the help of my good friend I was able to end things with him in a way that let him know I cared about him and was worried for him but that our relationship could no longer continue.
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  #14  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:20 AM
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Good on you for taking action and making it happen. Seems he's showing his true colours and just as well. Glad you're over it.

Now just make sure to stick to your guns...let him go with love if you want, but the main thing is to make sure he stays gone. You owe it to yourself to stand your ground.
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  #15  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Good on you for taking action and making it happen. Seems he's showing his true colours and just as well. Glad you're over it.

Now just make sure to stick to your guns...let him go with love if you want, but the main thing is to make sure he stays gone. You owe it to yourself to stand your ground.
I really should. I am angry with him for blaming me because he doesn't think the behavior he is trying to fix should count. Um, it does. I didn't even bring up the "why" other than concern for his health because ultimately that is my concern and just saying something like "you were a complete asshat on the trip, I can't forgive you for what you did and you are too co-dependent and I'm scared of you" would have just been a... poostorm of epic proportions.

He accused me of ignoring him for 3 weeks when I really just needed time, as I told him the day after we got back to work through what happened.

I don't think I'm even going to bother responding to all he said because it really was just him trying to make me feel bad and guilty and he can try and spin it to make himself look like the wronged party and that's fine.

He works at the same company as P til sometime next month and they work on different sites so they rarely interact. I'm just hoping he doesn't get nasty and try to get P fired before he's hired on at the place he's currently contracted out to.
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  #16  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:35 AM
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You're not an ass for doing it via IM. Your safety as an issue. You were taking care of yourself. Now you don't owe him a thing. He doesn't need to be informed of your pregnancy nor anything else. I hope you can block him so he can't keep sending you messages. is the stuff you left at his place important? If not, don't bother going there to get it. If it is, you can ask him to leave it for you in a neutral place, like at a friend's or even a Mailboxes Etc., and send someone else to pick it up, not you. Be careful.
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  #17  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:44 AM
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He's going to find out about the pregnancy if it makes the 12 week mark somehow, even if I were to not tell him we have far too many mutual friends for it not to be found out.

As for the stuff, he later went back and said it sounded "cold" to tell me to pick up everything. It's a blanket, a stuffed toy and a pair of socks (that he has been wearing o_0) so it really isn't a big deal to me.
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  #18  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:47 AM
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The symptoms he is displaying of blaming is indicative of boarderline personality. Twisting everything you say is part of it too. I had someone who has this illness take me to court because she believed the twisted words she made up out of what I said and couldn't get past the stories she told her self about me.

Walk away quitely and quickly. Trying to convince him otherwise about what happened could make it worse!
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Last edited by redpepper; 11-14-2011 at 05:25 AM.
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  #19  
Old 11-10-2011, 07:53 AM
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He says his counselor told him he definitely doesn't have bpd but thinks he just needs to practice emotional control when he gets outside his comfort level.

He then kept blaming me and blaming me and looking at the logs he was clearly trying to argue with me and when I shut him down, he tried manipulation.

He even asked what my feelings would be if he ignored me for 3 weeks or if P ignored me for three weeks and brought up the irritating "we like people for their gifts but love them for their faults" and then went on a tirade about how I should forgive him because he's working to fix things but you know the real reason things happened were because I treated him like a stranger on the trip, etc. etc. and we didn't hang out for a long time before that (two weeks prior, and not more as I was ill and contagious and he has a freaking terminal disease, shitty immune system and I told him that much at the time) so you know what? He can just eff right off :|
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  #20  
Old 11-10-2011, 02:55 PM
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Have you blocked him from IM, email, phone etc.? If you haven't already, you will need to. He's the type to be an internet stalker.
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