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  #11  
Old 03-22-2011, 09:33 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
If I read your post correctly, your son is 3 or 4. Hire a babysitter and take a break. No one can be cooped up with a kid that age for 24/7 and not feel like they are going to loose their mind, even without the added stress of bi-polar issues. Hire a sitter on a regular basis, even if it's just for a few hours each time.
He's 1 1/2. Which for me is even crazier than my 4year old, at least she understands "mom needs to be alone right now".
If I knew any out here, I would. I've been looking for a good one with good references, but no luck yet.
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  #12  
Old 08-21-2011, 02:56 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default I'm back, or "my how things change"

So R finally did what he said he would do almost 2 years ago, be in control of the ending of our relationship.

He ended it about 3 months ago. I was really hurt, but I'm over it now, he even moved in with me, and so far 10 days of that and there has been no fights and no real tension.

Of course, my new boyfriend, and R's new play toy may have something to do with the lack of tension.

Yep! New Boyfriend... we will call him "F" The relationship is all NRE right now, and since John is again gone, I have the time to spend time with him.

F is so amazing, he is like John in a few ways, but mostly he's different. John has always been a less affectionate guy, but F is very affectionate. John and F have completely different bed room abilities . They are both nerds and focused. I like nerds what can I say

I can see the NRE in this post. F is making me smile all day and I need that right now with John gone and my bi-polar not 100% stable. John is out of communication for the moment, so I can't talk to him, though I write him almost every day. I know he wont get the letters I write for some time but I need to tell him so much. That and I love to write him, cover the pages in hearts and our names like I'm in High School again.

F is making me wish more people knew John and I were poly. Its not something I can reveal without him here and ok with it. Our friends know, and his sister, but not many others.

In fact, I'm going to go call F now
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  #13  
Old 08-22-2011, 02:47 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Missing John

I miss John so much right now, and I wont see him for months. I have some possibilities coming up and I wish I could talk to him about them.

I went to see his parents this weekend, and I miss him even more when I'm down there. Everyone says how much his son looks like him and blah blah blah. I'm the one who has to miss having my husband home.

I want to share this NRE with John! I love when he smiles at my smiling. It reminds me how much he loves me. His interest in my other partners is always honest and supportive, even when he vetos a potential partner.

Im afraid of leaning to much on F, expecting him to take on to much. he is such a great guy, and he understands as much as he can, I just know I need to set aside time that would be John's if he were here but I need support and F is giving it to me well at the moment. I dont want to be away from him because it helps me not miss John - just a little but it helps.

Writing John makes me feel a little better, and there are other things that help, but all in all it sucks not having him here
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  #14  
Old 09-01-2011, 01:19 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Vaca!

So I have gotten a few chances to talk to John over G-talk!!!!!

And F and I took a vacation together. A whole week. His friends were suppose to go but bailed, so he asked me.

John said it was early, but at least it gave me a chance to learn any "oh moment" - you know, that moment you learn the deal breaker.

F was AWESOME, the trip was AWESOME.

I talked to John most days on the trip, and F acted perfectly. I really think that if F can handle everything, that he is the one I've been looking for. He compliments John so well. The two of them are perfect counters that fulfill all my needs. Well, so far.
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  #15  
Old 09-03-2011, 01:15 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Such an exciting time!
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  #16  
Old 09-22-2011, 12:10 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Its time for a change of scenery

So F and I are doing well. I think we are pulling out of NRE and moving into a sustainable level of energy. It feels good to have a strong support, but I realized the other night that I still need R, as my best friend. R knew exactly what to say when I had a breakdown. F hasn't been around long enough to know what the right things to say are. I know that R will always be my best friend, I was worried that things would change after our relationship was romantic for so long, but its the same as we have been for the last decade.

im moving to a new house, and F and I have spent every night since the vacation together (sometimes at his house, but mostly mine), so he has a lot of his things here, it means he is going to either move them back to his place or move them to my new place. When I showed him the new place, he was commenting on how some of his things that are in storage would go well in the new place. It is bigger than what I have now, so I dont have the furniture to fill it and he knows this. He said he would be willing to put some of his things there to fill out the space until I could get some things.

So though it is way too early, we had the move-in talk, the first of many I'm sure. F said he doesnt want to leave his place now, but some of his things have no home right now, and if they work in the house, then he has no problem with them being there (well duh, it was his idea). He also said that he wasnt sure how the whole him and John under the same roof would work, especially if John hates him. He said he wants to move in but he's scared. I know that he will be there all the time, and that if he needs an out he has it, so Im figuring we let it happen naturally.

Speaking of John and F, John is impressed with him, but F is scared that John wont like him. John has never disliked a guy that respected our relationship. and F respects it more than anyone has in the past, except maybe R. I think the next time John is on Gtalk and F is with me, I will have them talk. F wants to hang out with just John for a little bit when he is home.

I am so hopefully, I want F to be what Ive been looking for, he is so far.
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  #17  
Old 11-09-2011, 11:12 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Yeah!

So a lot has happened, but most of it is not really notable. I was in two car wrecks, F was driving in one, and my daughter was in the car, i was driving in the other and i was alone. That led to Tramadol being added to my med regimen and screwing with my actual meds. I spent almost a week in the hospital, F handled it wonderfully.

On other notes, F has moved in, mostly, he still pays rent at his old place but he rarely goes there. I know hes just waiting for John to come home, to take that last test, before he changes his address and stops paying rent there. He helps me pay the bills at the new place and he calls it home.

John will be available for me to talk to again tomorrow. I'm excited. Ill be able to see him again in December. My son misses his daddy. I told him he'd get to talk to his daddy tomorrow. John being home in a month or so is amazing, even though it wont be for long. We get about a month with him before hes off again. and he wants to try to have another baby.

F is good with the kids, he has taken to my son quite well, and my son him. He helps get them to bed and even bought my son a new bed. - a cars toddler bed. He does little things like get juice and reminds them to eat dinner. But I will need help if we have another baby, Im wondering how F will be, if he will help or if I will be alone if John isnt home. Im a group package, and in not to long I will be having another baby.

F is seeing another girl, casually. I like her, and Im ok with the casual thing, I just cant handle him in a relationship right now and I thought that was where it was heading, but a nice talk with them both headed that off, so I think I'm cool with it now. Im going away for the weekend, so F and his girl will spend some alone time together. We will see if Im ok with them next week.

John coming home is going to make or break F and I, and I'm nervous about it. I know that its a big test and I think we are ready for it, but there is John's side of this too. I hope that the boys like each other enough to make this work. Im ready for the transition, well as ready as I can be. I know how I'm going to work my time, I know how my days will go, I know what Im going to do when both of them are here. I've thought about that stuff for a month now.
I miss the hell out of John though and I know it will take us time to re-establish intimacy, it always does, and I know I have to get them both to talk to me about how they are feeling so nothing festers. Ive got a big job in front of me.
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  #18  
Old 11-10-2011, 04:33 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by riftara View Post
We get about a month with him before hes off again. and he wants to try to have another baby.

... But I will need help if we have another baby, Im wondering how F will be, if he will help or if I will be alone if John isnt home. Im a group package, and in not to long I will be having another baby.
Is it totally up to John? Do you want to have another baby? It sounds like you already have two and that's been stressful for you. If John is away most of the time, is it logical to bring another life into the world? I'm just wondering if having another is the best choice for you (because you do have a choice, you know).
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #19  
Old 11-10-2011, 12:33 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default I want 4 total

I did kinda make that sound like I didnt want to, but I do, one more with John and one with whomever (hopefully F) that becomes my other life partner. If that person wants one. I know F does, and any guy who would be with a woman with 3 kids would likely want his own too.

Im just not sure how me being pregnant with John's kid will affect F thats all. I've done it alone before, I can do it again. But Im sure having F there but unwilling to help will make me resentful even-though its not his kid. John wants one more, and I want to get pregnant with any kid Im going to have before Im 30. Im getting fixed at 30. With my medical problems, I dont think I could face the possible problems that increase at 30 and then again at 40. Plus I always wanted to be a young mom. I want to enjoy my empty nest years. Not still have young kids in the house at 50. Just a personal preference.

Im on new ground, well for me.
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  #20  
Old 11-19-2011, 05:18 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Default Daily time with both my loves

Although my time with John is over the phone, I am getting time with both my men everyday. I love it! I can't wait for John to be with me, with us.

F's girl toy is staying the night tomorrow. She said she wants to spend the evening with me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't know what her motives are and I don't trust that she would be truthful about them if I asked.

Its possible that she just wants to hang, since she asked me, not F, if she could come over. But I think she is interested in me, though Im not sure if its me or the fact that F and I are lovers. If its just a threesome that she wants or if she wants more.

I hate not knowing, but I dont know how to bring it up either. We were friends but not close before they started sleeping together. and I dont do well with girls.

this is going on the main board, I need advice
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