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Old 11-08-2011, 07:20 PM
TheMDC TheMDC is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 8
Default Help/Advice for a poly-noob please

Background: My wife and I were raised in a very strict religion (one might even call it a cult) and we married when I was 21 and she was 24. Neither of us have ever been with anyone else. Ever. A couple years ago we managed to extricate ourselves from the cult and have discovered a world full of potential and freedom.

My wife has even managed to fall in love. With someone she went to high school with but never pursued because of the religion. She has also made connections with several other people she knew in the past but never had a chance to pursue a deeper relationship with.

She still loves me, as well.

I love and respect her, too. Because we share the same background I completely understand where she's coming from. Neither of us ever had a chance to sow our wild oats as young adults and now in midlife we have that chance for the first time. I can't really hold it against her to want to experience things she never had a chance to experience. Besides that, she's an extrovert who needs relationships, and leaving our religion (which practices shunning) has left a huge void in our social life which she has been able to fill by reconnecting with past acquaintances.

She has given me the green light to develop other relationships, too, which is fine, I guess, but that seems damn near impossible for a married man in his 40s. And frankly, I'm not sure if want a relationship with someone else the way she does. I would love to experience the same sort of sexual freedom she's embarking upon but I'm not sure I want another soulmate (or 2 or 3). Does that seem weird? I don't want to sound like I just want to get laid because it isn't just about that.

I don't know what the hell I want, to be honest. I just kind of feel like I've been given permission to experience things I never have, I know I'd enjoy it, and so feel like I should act on it. I just have no idea how to even get started. I have the feeling it is SO MUCH HARDER for a man to find willing partners than it is for a woman.

Am I making any sense here? Maybe some of you more experienced guys can share some of your early polyamorous difficulties and challenges and how you overcame them. And maybe some of you more experienced ladies can share your wisdom about what polyamorous women are looking for in a guy. Knowing where both sides are generally coming from, maybe that can help me decide where to go from here.

Thanks for reading. And thanks for whatever you tell me. I'm a major noob so I won't take offense if you treat me like I'm stupid. In this particular area, I AM!

(edit: I noticed an acronym around this site "NRE" and discovering what it means, I find it perfectly fits what my wife is experiencing. She's excited like we were when we were first dating each other, except this time it is about this other guy. I want to be happy for her but it kind of sucks to be me right now, you know?)

Last edited by TheMDC; 11-08-2011 at 07:29 PM.
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