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  #11  
Old 11-01-2011, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
The worst part for me is that she said two different poly guys she met on OK cupid said they have it, but only told her because she has it, and they do not tell people they date that they have it.
Yeah, this is rather unfortunate. For example, NYC is supposed to have a very high incidence of genital herpes among its population. It is apparently higher here than the national average. Yet, as an experiment, my friend and I did a search on OKC: we selected Everybody, age 18-99, within a 25 mile radius of our zip codes, online in the last year, any marital status, photos don't matter, nothing else specified except the keyword "herpes" - we got only four results! I kid you not. In a city of over 8 million! So, obviously people who have it are not putting it in their profiles, and I would hope they are admitting to it when they meet people, but I doubt that they are.
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  #12  
Old 11-01-2011, 10:25 PM
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I don't have herpes (that I know of), but when I was diagnosed with genital warts in my late teens I was devastated and thought my love life would be deeply impacted/ruined. Once I calmed down a little and got better about bringing it up matter-of-factly it turned out to be not a big deal -- I've been turned down twice because of it over the years (only ever had the one outbreak but I still disclose) but have had many other partners who weren't troubled by it. One silver lining is that, whether you get turned down for sex/love because of it or not, by disclosing you immediately give the other person a positive impression of you as a trustworthy, honest person with integrity. Anyone who's too blind to see it that way and actually thinks less of you for it isn't someone you need to be dealing with anyway.
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  #13  
Old 11-01-2011, 10:33 PM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Yeah, this is rather unfortunate. For example, NYC is supposed to have a very high incidence of genital herpes among its population. It is apparently higher here than the national average. Yet, as an experiment, my friend and I did a search on OKC: we selected Everybody, age 18-99, within a 25 mile radius of our zip codes, online in the last year, any marital status, photos don't matter, nothing else specified except the keyword "herpes" - we got only four results! I kid you not. In a city of over 8 million! So, obviously people who have it are not putting it in their profiles, and I would hope they are admitting to it when they meet people, but I doubt that they are.
To be fair, I don't know anyone who wants their life of disease made public. =P I just assume everyone has it that I meet. That many people have some form or another of it, that it's just best to be safe about it if you really don't want it. I get it breaking out around my mouth a couple times a year probably. I tend to stay away from any mouth contact whilst I am like that.
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  #14  
Old 11-01-2011, 11:21 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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I have to say that herpes isn't something I'd expect someone to disclose on their dating profiles. I'd expect someone to disclose it before we became sexually intimate, however.
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  #15  
Old 11-02-2011, 12:01 AM
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Yeah, for sure -- but there are definitely many people who are out and loud about lots of things like that, so it just surprises me that only four people out of probably thousands in NYC who belong to OKC included it. I mean, there are Meetups and dating sites just for herpes sufferers, so I figured more would be candid about it on OKC.
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  #16  
Old 11-07-2011, 01:25 AM
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You know what I almost never hear people talk about with regard to HSV? 1) Very specific safer-sex practices between partners where only one person has it, and 2) the risk the non-infected partner is (un)willing to take during the period between outbreaks. I've seen a little bit of discussion here and there, but not much.

I had a lover, a woman, who contracted HSV from a man who always wore condoms. She thinks she caught it from his asymptomatic viral shedding via his testicles slapping against her. When I sleep with her, I always wear boxers and a condom and I would have thought that her ex-lover would have had the sense to do this, too. I'm curious if other wear/require boxers or other underwear.

I still talk to this woman and she says misses the very specific feeling of unprotected sex with a man, so she's looking for lovers who either already have HSV or who are willing to take the risk of sex "between" outbreaks (asymptomatic viral shedding puts a damper on their really being a "between," right?). So does anyone with HSV practice timed, calculated unprotected sex with the right lover once in a while? Or once you have HSV are your unprotected days completely over?

Last edited by Giles; 11-07-2011 at 03:38 AM.
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  #17  
Old 11-07-2011, 02:32 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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HSV (herpes) and HPV (genital warts) are two different virus's
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  #18  
Old 11-07-2011, 03:37 AM
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oops! yes--I meant HSV, not HPV. What a difference a letter makes; it's edited now.
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  #19  
Old 11-07-2011, 04:51 AM
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There already are a few long threads on related topics here:

Safe Sex - Standards, Practices, Information & Resources

HPV - Shouldn't we talk about it?
(there is some talk about herpes in this thread, too)

fluid bonding/bareback
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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