This is Our Story
I hope this is the right place to post this:
I've been with Lily, my wife for about 12-13 years now, married 10. The entire time we've been together, it never felt right. We fought a lot, the big "D" was mentioned on several occasions, but we couldn't seem to part ways.
Over the years I'd "joked" about getting a live-in girlfriend, or finding a "mistress", partly my way of saying "this shit isn't working!", and her reactions were similar yet different each time. Sometimes she'd make the joke “If your lazy ass can ever be bothered to find a mistress/girlfriend, knock yourself out”, other times it was so bad, she'd just have the attitude of “Do what you want, I don't care , just figure out what you want or get it out of your system”. – That said, I've NEVER once cheated on my wife, even with her permission (with the exception to one drunken occasion where she too participated).
Eventually in our most recent fight we agreed that possibly opening our relationship may not be the worst thing. We got into another fight (minor), and I reached out to a friend at work, just to talk to, and we spent about 4 hours on the phone that night and a great deal amount of time with each other after that. The first night my wife saw us spending time together, she felt uncomfortable, as if watching me with her replacement, but quickly within 24 hours (and taking time to talk to and get to know our friend), they too became close, and wife was instantly comfortable with friend.
Lily, Yuna, and I started to spend a great deal of time together and I began to quite fall in love with her. After doing some research on open relationships, Lily found the term "Poly amorous", which to me, fit everything I had been looking for.
Little background on them both:
Lily (wife) is straight, but has had brief above the waist encounters with other women and is open to the idea of trying new things.
Lily is extremely supportive of the situation, and after much of my bitching and moaning over the years and trying to find ways to make our relationship work, was actually one who initially suggested this.
Yuna - The friend/girlfriend: Is bi, and has a few issues of her own, as do I. She suffers from a genetic mutation (MTHFR), which causes her to be also labeled as having "Chronic" anxiety disorder. Among other things she has some severe issues with intimacy, physical, and emotional contact, these usually cause her relationships to be extremely brief, and end either as friends, or emotionlessly physical relationships only, once emotions come into the equation, she would run and push them away. This has taken a lot of time to really understand and get used to. Another part of her condition is that she is (for all intents and purposes) unable to have children of her own, and her and our daughter have absolutely fallen in love with each other, Monster already nearly sees her has "Mommy Yuna".
We've been there for each other a lot in the couple years we've known each other, we're both bi-polar, and suffer from anxiety issues, mine bordering chronic/generalized.
Lily originally stated during one of our convos about "feeling comfortable enough that, if we did this with anyone, Yuna is the best one for her comfort zone. I agreed and mentioned this to her. At this point we were already extremely close (Yuna and I), and this extra level of closeness scared her and she ran away, tried a traditional relationship, and within two weeks came back to us, talked deeply about the idea and ever since then we consider ourselves a couple (triad, whatever). We've been together as a relationship (the three of us) for about a month now, Lily and I are still sexually active, but Yuna, while having a heavy desiring to cross this border, is slowly opening up piece by piece to us. Slowly overcoming her emotional and physical boundaries.
At first, this was very hard for us because we did not understand these parts of her condition, and now that we've all had GREAT open communication, there is a great understanding among us. Yuna naturally has a hard time feeling closer to men, and while we are quite literally best friends, we are overcoming this slowly. I feel this is a benefit to get things done right instead of rushing into something that no one is ready for.
Our interest is in a true poly-amorous intention (to my understanding of the meaning), that we all love and care deeply for each other, Yuna adding that something special that we were missing all along.
Since this began, Yuna has spent the night with us (at our home) nearly 50% of the time, sometimes more, desire has been expressed by all parties at this time to keep the relationship closed to the 3 of us, and long term interest is definitely in the air.
At this point we are looking for a house to live together in, for the record, Lily and I also have a 4 year old daughter we will call Monster.
Every piece of this relationship is falling together perfectly so far, and has actually brought convalescence to my marriage. My wife and I are active in bed again, we fight considerably less, if at all, the affection has returned, and for probably the first time in years, I was able to tell her I loved her.
Our story is just beginning, and it looks to be a beautiful one, however all things new have their shine, and one reason we are here is to find other open/like-minded people that we can share our experiences with, help others if possible with our experiences, and reach out for help as needed to keep the shine lasting as long as possible, and as most relationships may tend to wither over time, we want to do everything we can to preserve our seemingly amaranthine relationship.
The love we share amongst each other is openly expressed and the way I see it, with everything going on in our personal lives right now (lotta drama in each life, not with each other), we're getting the worst of it out of the way now.
I hope to have them registered on the site soon so that we can all partake in this adventure together.
We're happy to answer any more questions you may have, in detail if necessary/desired, but will quit rambling and try not to bore you for now.
Every story has a beginning, … This is ours...