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Old 11-01-2011, 02:06 PM
suziesue suziesue is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 12
Unhappy Three way communication issues (From A to B via C)

I am in a 'possible developing triad-ish situation' with Alan and Bridget, where we are all interested in each other. (For reference my original thread explaining my situation is here.)

Recently I've been feeling like sometimes the dynamics of the communications between us feel a little weird, there's been a few similar incidents, all of which are quite small, but build up to make me feel a little uncomfortable. One example:

Last time I video-chatted with Alan we said we'd probably chat again Saturday night. Bridget subsequently asked me if she and I could chat Sat night, and I said I already had a vague plan to do so with Alan, but I could talk to her before hand, if she didn't mind that I would have to sign off at some point.

On the day, Alan and I exchanged a few emails to work out timings, and he asked me if I was talking to Bridget first (he and she had obviously talked about it) which I confirmed, and he said he would text me when he was available.

But then, while I was chatting to Bridget, she suddenly said that she had to go, as Alan had texted her to say he was available to talk to me.

I feel sort of odd that he contacted her to tell me he was available to talk to me, instead of directly texting me as we had arranged, but at the same time, it feels like making a mountain out of a molehill to bring it up. It was just a text, and the information did get to me.

I'm not entirely sure what it is about it that makes me uncomfortable. A feeling that it was a matter between him and me, and not directly involving her? Or possibly discomfort with getting information second hand, because I feel that messages can lose something if they go by other people? And what if I'd decided to change plans with Bridget, and hadn't chatted to her after all?

So, more-experienced-poly-people, is this something that would feel wrong to you and need dealing with? Or is the weirdness just an inherent part of having multiple relationships that I'm not used to because I've only been with more than one person at a time before?
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communication, communication skills, triads

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