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  #11  
Old 11-02-2009, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
You mean, your underemPOLYed brain?
That is hilarious!! And yes, it is in fact underempolyed
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  #12  
Old 11-02-2009, 08:14 PM
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What actually happens: Telling a guy Ive just met that I am involved with someone, but were poly often translates into, Im open minded and therefore have no boundaries, so anything goes. Now you have permission to put your paws all over me because Im one of those girls.
Perhaps you should hold off laying it all out on the table with people that you've just met.

IMO, it's not necessary to explain in a bar what your worldview is upon meeting someone you find attractive. If there is a connection, and you take some time to establish the connection, and you feel the person does respect you, then it might be time to have a conversation about poly.

It sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for people to have this wrong impression of you by being too eager to share your views. I'm sure it's done out of a desire to be honest and up-front. Regardless of what relationship style you subscribe to, it seems to me that in the beginning, before you know what the person is all about, it is wise to hold your cards close to the chest until you have a better sense of them.

I don't mean to be offensive, but if I were a person in a bar you'd just met, and you came at me that way, I'd take it as a here and now challenge.
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  #13  
Old 11-02-2009, 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
I have so far never found myself in a poly circle where I meet someone new and we can move past the assumptions that poly=slut. Just because I’m involved with someone else, but open to others does not mean I want to move from “Hi, what’s your name?” to making out in the corner in one hour!!!!

Sounds like the next time you go out among those circles, you should be wearing this tank top:

http://polytees.spreadshirt.com/poly-bi-kinky-A5097991


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  #14  
Old 11-02-2009, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
Perhaps you should hold off laying it all out on the table with people that you've just met.

I don't mean to be offensive, but if I were a person in a bar you'd just met, and you came at me that way, I'd take it as a here and now challenge.
Ya if it happens to me with people I know relatively well, I can see how it could be taken as a "here and now" proposition with someone you just met in a bar.

(Off-topic a bit: I met my husband in a bar.)
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  #15  
Old 11-02-2009, 09:24 PM
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YES! I love that shirt! LOL! I would not be caught dead wearing it anywhere in my little community of 300 residents. But, hey, if I'm ever strutting around a city, I'd wear it.

Rarechild, YGirl: I definitely hear what you're saying. It brings up the question, which I'm sure has been discussed of when does one disclose that they're poly?

The reason I disclosed that I'm poly in this specific situation is because I had just spent the night dancing with 'R' at the Hallowe'en dance and this guy came up to both of us and then to just me later on. I wanted it to be clear, first off, that 'R' and I are involved. I admit, I had no idea how to manage the rest of it.

I can definitely see how, in a bar, telling someone right off the bat seems like an invitation. The dynamics change significantly when you're on an island with so few people. Literally, holding hands with someone in front of people on Saturday means that by Tuesday, half the island thinks you're a couple.

I guess there's a bit of coming out shyness woven into my frustration in my original post. I'm someone who I consider to have a lot of integrity. I am a die-hard environmentalist, cyclist, activist. I've taken care of people's kids, I teach kids. So, I'm afraid of the black or white reaction many people have towards poly, (she's either an standup member of our community or a sex-craved slut).
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  #16  
Old 11-02-2009, 09:41 PM
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post

Rarechild, YGirl: I definitely hear what you're saying. It brings up the question, which I'm sure has been discussed of when does one disclose that they're poly?
[...]

I guess there's a bit of coming out shyness woven into my frustration in my original post. I'm someone who I consider to have a lot of integrity. I am a die-hard environmentalist, cyclist, activist. I've taken care of people's kids, I teach kids. So, I'm afraid of the black or white reaction many people have towards poly, (she's either an standup member of our community or a sex-craved slut).
I am definitely feeling your shyness, but moreso, I'm detecting (as much as one can from text disembodied from the whole person) that you may be projecting your own feelings onto others in because this is so new too you.

There seems to be a few internal conflicts going on here.

As to when the time is to tell someone's what's up- I guess there's no right answer to that. I prefer knowing someone as a friend first, and if feeling are developing beyond that friendship, then it's time to make clear where you're coming from if it is clear that the relationship is headed in a romantic direction. Of course, in some cases the person will already know you and may know that you are poly from the get-go.

This was not an answer, I know. I'm pretty new to this myself. So far, I have found opportunities to talk about poly in general, and then if the other person seems accepting of this, then there's an opportunity to discuss it as it relates to a relationship.

What I do know is that the way you feel about it yourself is a huge factor in how others will perceive it.

Island, eh? Mind me asking which island? That may be too personal, just curious.
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  #17  
Old 11-02-2009, 09:58 PM
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you may be projecting your own feelings onto others in because this is so new to you
This is very possible.

Thank you for the insight. I agree, I much prefer to have a solid friendship with someone before anything else. Hmm, thanks, that makes it so much easier.

Urm, a small island in Canada? If I can figure out how to PM without the messages appearing on my profile, I'll tell you. I basically don't want any of these threads to appear in a google search. What a horrible way to be outed.

...oh and Ceoli, it is now my signature.
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  #18  
Old 11-02-2009, 10:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
As to when the time is to tell someone's what's up- I guess there's no right answer to that. I prefer knowing someone as a friend first, and if feeling are developing beyond that friendship, then it's time to make clear where you're coming from if it is clear that the relationship is headed in a romantic direction. Of course, in some cases the person will already know you and may know that you are poly from the get-go.
For me-I wouldn't pop off with that to a "prospective" in a bar. (disclaimer:not sure I would HAVE a prospective in a bar either).

On OKC I made it quite clear in the first paragraph of my profile that I am married, poly and if they want to message me, go see his profile too because they would have to be friends with both of us...

But in person-I don't run around "on the make". I AM married and happily so. I CAN dance with others if I so choose (even when we weren't officially poly) but if they are "on the make" they are DEFINATELY not for me as I'm all about RELATIONSHIP which means FRIENDS FIRST.

So the topic is arbitrary until a friendship has been established. At that point they would know-since Maca, C and I live together and we're open among our close friends.
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  #19  
Old 11-02-2009, 10:40 PM
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I cant really comment ither way.( Im not out looking). I figure Ill just let the chips fall as they may. Open and honest is the best way( and it sounds like you were being that). I would have to say that in one sense you can use this to weed out the guys that just want to "get with you". If they dont respect you enough to understand that being poly isnt an open door to your bed maybe its best not to continue that "getting to know you" period longer then that.


Slight Hijack

I told my father today that WE are poly( LR and I) and I was so worried. Turns out that he and his wife are swingers hahaah He was like "hey kiddo what ever makes you happy" He was one cool ass father
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  #20  
Old 11-02-2009, 10:42 PM
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I told my father today that WE are poly( LR and I) and I was so worried. Turns out that he and his wife are swingers hahaah He was like "hey kiddo what ever makes you happy" He was one cool ass father
Right on!!! Good for you!

Although my father and I don't talk much, for completely different reasons - he's gay and completely accepting of whatever sexual hodge podge I have thrown his way. That's really nice!
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