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Old 10-28-2011, 12:41 AM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

So... new development. She asked me point blank tonight if I wanted to see other people. I tried to ignore the question, then dodge it by saying "not right now" meaning that I was thinking through it for possible future discussion... but she pressed forward with it. (I really need to stop watching Desperate Housewives with her...)

Here's what she envisions:

We schedule two nights a week where we are not home, to avoid having to explain when we're going on a date

We can't have sleepovers with anyone else

We set a time limit on how long this goes for

We either continue having sex with each other OR have sex with our dates... but not both

I feel like that complicates things more than just going with a full poly relationship, right? Not having sex in a relationship is a bad thing from everything I've ever heard... yet dating seems like it would naturally lead to sex at some point. She's frequently on record as saying the only way to avoid cheating is to avoid being in situations in which it could happen... so we'd pretty much have to stop having sex with each other and fulfill all those needs outside our relationship.

I know a big part of it is her being worried about diseases. I mentioned we could just always use condoms but she's afraid of getting HPV even with condom use...

So what do you guys think? It seems like pseudo-poly and like it's only going to make our relationship worse. (And yes, I'm aware you all recommended against it anyway and I brought that up too... but she's aware of my lack of experience and doesn't think I'll ever be able to settle in without seeing what's out there.)

I don't want to give up sex or risk losing my gf...
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co-dependency, new to polyamory, opening a relationship

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