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Old 10-24-2011, 05:16 PM
3rdwifenow 3rdwifenow is offline
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Default How do you bring it up?

I am currently on my 3rd marriage. My first two ended in disaster. I love my wife and children dearly and do not want to be with out them in any way. I also have an appetite for other women that I suppress.
our sex life was great when we first met, but as usual life gets in the way of our relationship and she seems uninterested in us and the needs I have. We still have fun together and when we have sex it is wonderful but I want and need more.
I have considered bringing up an open relationship with her but not sure that it would go over very well. How do you bring this subject up? and then how do you bring it up to the third party that is involved and etc?
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Old 10-25-2011, 06:15 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Have a good read around here and educate yourself first. Do a search, read the stickies, do a tag search. This site is not particularly for open marriages although a lot of couples start that way or with swinging. I would recommend finding out what you want and what you could deal with if she decides she wants the same things.

Remember that when you address this with her she will be starting at zero. You will need to be very patient and respect her process. It will be a rollercoast of ups and downs for sure. We are here to walk both of you through it if need be. It might be a good idea to suggest she read here also.
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:32 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Do you romance your wife regularly?

Get a babysitter and take her out on dates?

Tell her how sexy she is? Buy her lingerie and sex toys?

Try new things in bed with her?

Help with the housework and childcare so you two have more time for romance and making love?

Not saying you don't, but I think what lots of men miss is that a woman's desire is often tied to how desirable her partner finds her. If her enthusiasm has waned, perhaps she's not getting enough of the message from you that you want her. Maybe she's tired at the end of the day from her work as a wife and mother and wants to know she still turns you on. Maybe she is self-conscious of her body after having babies. Whatever it is, I think that delving into finding out, understanding, and dealing with any issues surrounding the changes in your sex life should take place wa-a-a-ay before trying polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy and being sexual with other women. That could be just opening a can of worms if she's feeling rejected. And having a sexual relationship with someone else, just to make up for what is lacking in your marriage, is not a nice way to treat another woman coming into this situation. You'd be putting her in the role of sex toy.

So I say look at what's missing in your marriage first and make changes to improve and deepen your intimacy with your wife, before trying to get your jollies with other people.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Last edited by nycindie; 10-26-2011 at 11:55 AM.
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:59 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I agree with Cindie, plus I want to ask, what were the "disasters" that were involved in your previous divorces? What did you do wrong, what lessons have you learned? Is this latest marriage also heading into disaster because your wife no longer desires you? Was this a pattern in your previous relationships? Did you cheat before and this time you think polyamory or an open relationship would be better?

If you have young children with your latest wife, do you even have time to date other women? Would she resent the time you take away from the family to pursue these other romances, while she's elbow deep in diapers and dishes?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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