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  #31  
Old 10-15-2011, 07:57 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
This is my basic issue with all "friends with benefits" relationships...it becomes all about the benefits and not at all about the friends part.

...

I wish I could just tell him the truth and end things on a nice note but oh well.
Fwb's don't have to be that way, by any stretch. Maybe if you develop the friends part before the benefits part next time?

Is it really so impossible to find this guy's contact info? He doesn't have a facebook page or anything like that where you could message him if you really want to say goodbye?

I'm still really curious about your reasons for not asking for what you wanted. Did anything at all that I suggested above sound likely?
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  #32  
Old 10-15-2011, 08:16 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Ask yourself what held you back from asserting yourself here... fear of confrontation, feeling like you don't deserve more, feeling like there was no way you would be listened to and that that was ok?
This is what I'm referring to, btw, in case it wasn't clear.

What could have made it more attractive to suffer for months and then cut it off yourself rather than just ask for what you wanted and/or express your discontent earlier on, considering that all you had to risk was that they would maybe end it, which would have left you in the exact same place you're in now?
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  #33  
Old 10-18-2011, 11:02 PM
bulrush bulrush is offline
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Cranberry, maybe you need to just take a break from this relationship. The wife is having a tough pregnancy, is moody and grouchy. The husband sounds like he's trying to be supportive while his wife goes through a tough time.

Maybe you should return after the kid is born. Perhaps you could help out with some food, or watching the kid, changing a diaper here and there. Just pop in to drop off a casserole or something, don't stay too long.
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  #34  
Old 10-24-2011, 06:32 AM
Moonmama Moonmama is offline
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PregnAncy is indeed quiet a dramatic change for people, And each pregnancy changes you in a different way from the last. Emotions run high an change by the minute <3
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  #35  
Old 10-24-2011, 11:53 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by bulrush View Post
Maybe you should return after the kid is born. Perhaps you could help out with some food, or watching the kid, changing a diaper here and there. Just pop in to drop off a casserole or something, don't stay too long.
Oh yeah, they disrespected her at every turn and used her like a toy, but she should bring them a casserole? I think if you had really read any of this thread and CranberryStardust's other threads, you would see what lunacy that recommendation is. This is a situation she needs to get out of to save her sanity and self-respect, rather than go and bring meals to these people.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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