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Old 10-20-2011, 11:53 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
no it isn't my opinion actually, maybe you should read the other tagged threads on "asexuality" and do some research. Its actually a bit of a bone of contention amongst the asexual community that people who have lost their sex drive call themselves asexual. I heard from a moderator of the most popular asexual forum on line the information I have given (link is on one of the other threads tagged "asexuality"). I have no opinion one way or another, just passing it on.

Sorry for the hyjack Rootlet, but I had to make sure that this was corrected.
It's not a hijack, RP, this thread is about her wife's asexuality. I read the thread here about asexuality that you started. Of course I can't resist any thread with "sex" in the title.

Just now I looked at the AVEN wiki (Asexual Visibility and Education Network).


It says AVEN's position is:

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity; at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.
Sure, some people may never develop sexual feelings for some reason or another, and ID that way their whole lives. However, in this case, Root's wife seems to have become a "born again" asexual person at menopause. And Root mentioned surveying 8 or 10 post menopausal women who became asexual at the change of life, who said they don't miss sex and have no motivation to change it. (We still haven't gotten an answer to whether their partners are as fine with the new asexuality as the women who became that way are.)

Please try and be more open-minded. Forcing the hurting Root to say instead "female sexual dysfunction (FSD)" or "hypoactive sexual desire disorder" is a distraction. Adding more technical/medical words does not help with this situation. There are shades of grey here. Some people that ID as asexual do masturbate, for example, while feeling no sexual attraction for others. Others never feel a need for a sexual release at all, alone or with a partner. Some asexuals will have sex with their sexual partner out of consideration for their feelings, etc.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 10-20-2011 at 12:50 PM.
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Old 10-20-2011, 02:47 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I'm sorry Rootlet if you found that I was hurtful in passing on the information I have heard from the asexuals I know. It wasn't my intention. At the talk I went to put on by the moderator I know from the forum Magdyln mentioned we discussed who is asexual and her concerns about the term being used for people who used to enjoy sex. It seems that most of the time asexual people like to bond and find community amongst people who understand there lack of desire to have sex rather than with people who are mourning the loss of it or even remembering it and now they don't have it. Asexuals have a community and support system that is different than people who find themselves nonsexual at some point in their lives. I hope that is more clear. I don't know what to call your wife and I'm sorry about your situation but in respect to asexuals and in case you go looking for support from a community that is quite fine not having sex, and can be a little put off with people taking on the title asexual for something quite different than their experience, I thought it best to pass on what limited knowledge I know.
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:45 AM
Moonmama Moonmama is offline
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I was intrigued by what asexual meant! Thank you for clarifying that for me. Good luck <3
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