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Old 10-18-2011, 01:12 PM
OldGuy OldGuy is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13
Default The superiority complex against monogamous people...

First off...some background so people won't think that I'm trying to be purposefully inflammatory here: My wife and I have been married for 28 years. For 22 years, we've been "involved" with another friendly couple. Some ups and downs but there hasn't been much poly angst. Overall, I'd say that it works for all of us and I can't complain.

Despite living in a fairly conservative area, my wife and I never really treated being poly as a big deal and we mostly kept to ourselves. This means that while we believe that demonisation and ignorance towards polyamory is a definite negative, we don't believe in "poly pride" or acting like we're going against society's rules. IMO it seems rather contradictory to forward the idea that being poly is normal and natural and okay, while simultaneously acting like you are morally special or different from "normal people"...it's the same reason why I am not part of the LGBT community despite being bi. That makes sense right?

So, after our kids moved out my wife and I decided to learn more about our "lifestyle" (we're pretty clueless). We went to a poly convention (first timers...getting so involved in all of this is a new experience for both of us) to start off with. What I found disheartening was the underlying level of ignorance, generalisations, assumptions, condescension and overall ego-masturbation that was displayed towards the idea of monogamy and monogamous people...especially coming from an environment of supposed sexual open-mindedness, tolerance and understanding. I went looking around some relationship forums and I found this attitude to be disappointingly prevalent among many open-relationship/poly posters too (could just be confirmation bias). This place doesn't seem too bad though.

It's really put me off since a) most of my friends are mono and I don't look down on them because of their personal choices, and b) I thought that the amount of smugness displayed was testicle-shrinkingly painful.

So I guess that I have to ask: Where does this superiority complex against monos come from exactly? Is it a recent thing? Can anyone explain it to me? I'll admit that I am apparently more sheltered than I thought I was (and also somewhat naive) since I've never really seen this type of attitude before. Most of the people that I choose to get close to are relatively humble and open-minded. I certainly never would've found my boyfriend, girlfriend, or wife appealing if any of them were that bigoted.

What are your thoughts?
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Tags
activism, mono/poly, monogamy, poly conferences

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