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Old 10-15-2011, 06:52 AM
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sagency sagency is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bones View Post
Hello, I'm KCCs BF, Bones, I'm trying my best to show her that me wanting to be poly isn't aboutnwanting to sleep around, and if i were to find another girl, it wouldn't mean I'd love her less. any advice one ways to help me help her?
Being open about what's going on is important. Being here helps because of the exoeriencex people you can ask. Tags on messages help you find related messages, so lots of reading (especially together) helps.

My personal advice is relatively simple. First, be very proactive in your communication. If you keep things to yourself, it can seem as though you're hiding things. You don't have to include juicy details (and they may not help if you did), but your partners shouldn't be surprised to find out about someone. Surprise is akin to shock, and shock is a bad thing.

Second, consider how any new partner would affect the entire mix. Don't show up on your doorstep with a poseable goth doll and say, "Look what followed me home, honey, let's keep it!" This doesn't mean you should have veto power or similar. It means that if you consider everyone's personalities, you won't need to go there. Even if your poly is a vee (instead of a triad or some other feat of geometry), adding a partner changes your time, thoughts, and actions, and that affects everyone.

Third, remember that even though the heart has the ability to grow, the calendar does not. Poly life can become an exercise in project management or logistics gymnastics. Even if you have a well-planned schedule, take time to have special moments that reaffirm your partner's value.

Last, be careful about NRE (tagged in these forums often). NRE can lead to blindness or obsession. Even small doses of obsession can make partners think they're not loved or are replaceable. Instead, take the energy that comes with NRE and channel some of it back to your existing relationship(s). This reminds them that they're important and lets them feel benefit from your new situations.
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Old 10-15-2011, 02:32 PM
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the NRE is something I thought about, I think I can manage but I wont know for sure until it comes up. I thinnk i'll be able to handle it by always talking with both of them about it. she is very confusing sometimes about this. saying she is okay with poly, but she gets upset over sertain aspects of it. we've done some poly stuff, nothing compared to what I think most of you would consider "real poly". and it seems to be going well with few problems. but I've been reading alot of the posts on this site and it's been helping alot.
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Old 10-16-2011, 03:40 PM
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sagency sagency is offline
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Bones, reading here will help. Talking also helps. Don't forget that sometimes talking something to death is not helpful. People need time and space to process adjustments. How much varies based on circumstance, person, and the change. If you want more detailed suggestions on you problems with certain aspects, post in the forums, and I'm sure you'll get suggestions. Best of luck to you all.
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