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  #11  
Old 10-14-2011, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Out in "the world", the term 'slut' is often used for any.....I'm going with the female gender...girl/woman who is just known for having a lot of sex with different people regardless of what her motivation might be.
Yup. There has been no reclaiming of the word in my environment. It generally refers to someone who is easy and serves a purpose...but not someone you would have a committed relationship with or bring home to mom. Slut, skank, whore are all the same to the people I work with and often socialize with.

Sexual healer is an interesting term though. I have to think about this for a while. I believe sex can be a valid service to provide but haven't thought about it being used as a healing tool. I could see how it could increase self esteem and confidence possibly. Thanks for giving me something to think about!
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  #12  
Old 10-14-2011, 07:42 PM
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So most people think Marvin Gaye's song is just kind of a little joke??

The books on tantric sex are all about healing. I wish we lived in a world that recognized it as such. I know good sex has been healing, for me, and I know I have been a healer, too. Sometimes I really felt my attraction to Butch was a "calling," and to deny it would have been the sin!
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  #13  
Old 10-14-2011, 08:08 PM
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Carma,

That's my new ring tone ....for the healing hot line...also I have it on in the heal-mobile...when I have to make house calls. The power Marvin Gaye!!! God bless that man.
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  #14  
Old 10-15-2011, 03:49 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Default Some thoughts

I'm fascinated by this thread. I am especially interested that some folks have connected slut with being a sexual healer. That sluts (who are female - there is no male equivalent in English) are althruistic, sharing themselves with others to help them heal in some way. (I believed Grounded Spirit noted the altruism aspect.)

I consider slut a shame word thrown at women and girls who enjoy sex, who experience and share the pleasues of sex. Slut, as a derogatory term, is sometimes used about women or girls who often haven't had sex with lots of partners - but gave some sort of indication that she enjoyed it. This dovetails with Redpepper's ideas on what a slut is. It's not the number of partners, but that she enjoyed it!

The connection with sexual healing intriques me because, personally, it has never occurred to me to have sex with someone because they are damaged or hurting in some way and sex with me can help. I've had sex for lots of reasons - to express love, to connect, for pleasure, to pass the time, to touch and be touched, to get off, among others - but never to heal someone else (or heal myself for that matter). Literally never occurred to me.

I also don't have that common female compulsion to take care of everyone around me. I use compulsion intentionally - it seems to me that women are often pushed or push themselves, to heal, to take care of, to mend, everyone but themselves. And, yes, men do this too but it seems much less accepted by men and women for men to behave in this manner.

I'm also intrigued that the sexual healing encounters described have all been heterosexual. I racked my brains trying to remember if any lesbian or queer friends have mentioned a similar experience. I haven't come up with any. Of course, just because I haven't heard about sex as healing in this manner among queer people doesn't mean it doesn't happen. But I wonder if all this sexual healing is one-sided. All of the stories in our small sample were of a woman healing a man - not the other way around. Of course, this doesn't mean it doesn't happen but it is very suggestive to me.

TruckerPete, honestly, the pity-fuck aspect of your sexual experience with your friend occurred to me too. Yes, pity is an emotion of comtempt which you clearly did not feel toward your friend. You felt sorry for him and wanted to help him see himself differently, see himself through your eyes, through your body. That is a great gift to be treasured.
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  #15  
Old 10-15-2011, 10:54 AM
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I'm fascinated by this thread. I am especially interested that some folks have connected slut with being a sexual healer. That sluts (who are female - there is no male equivalent in English)
Man whore is a term I've heard. Don Juan is another. Of course, that's supposed to be a compliment... but I don't think it is!

There are lots of women in the kink community who have reclaimed the words slut, cunt and whore, and men who will use those terms as a compliment or turn-on during sex or kinky activities. It's generally seen as a sex positive idea.

Quote:

I consider slut a shame word thrown at women and girls who enjoy sex, who experience and share the pleasures of sex. Slut, as a derogatory term, is sometimes used about women or girls who often haven't had sex with lots of partners - but gave some sort of indication that she enjoyed it. This dovetails with Redpepper's ideas on what a slut is. It's not the number of partners, but that she enjoyed it!
Holdover from the patriarchy, especially from Victorian days. Back then it was officially broadcast that women did not ever experience sexual desire, but were supposed to offer their bodies to their husbands only for his pleasure, and to procreate. Of course, there were thousands of prostitutes back then, and a big porn industry. Also, electric vibrators were invented then, right after the lightbulb, to be used by male doctors on women who were suffering "nervous exhaustion" or "hysteria."


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I'm also intrigued that the sexual healing encounters described have all been heterosexual. I racked my brains trying to remember if any lesbian or queer friends have mentioned a similar experience. I haven't come up with any. Of course, just because I haven't heard about sex as healing in this manner among queer people doesn't mean it doesn't happen. But I wonder if all this sexual healing is one-sided. All of the stories in our small sample were of a woman healing a man - not the other way around. Of course, this doesn't mean it doesn't happen but it is very suggestive to me.
Well, I am in a lesbian relationship, my primary is a woman. (I ID as genderqueer and pansexual.) I know our sex has been extremely healing for both of us. Also, I had a LTR with a mostly closeted bi man, and would role play being a male lover for him. (We only met irl about 5 or 6 times, over the course of about 18 mos, but cybered a lot. )

Right now I am entering into a friendship with a cross dresser male... We've only chatted so far, but even my open attitude towards his gender ID and the type of sex he'd like has been a bit healing and encouraging for him. (See the "Complicated" thread.)

As far as a man healing a woman during sex, well, I certainly used to experience that feeling after a hot roll in the hay with my boytoy D.

I do admit I am a typical warm nurturing mama type. It doesnt take much to get me interested in taking care of someone who seems to be in distress. (For example, I have been doing volunteer work for over 20 years with a breastfeeding support organization, helping moms who are having difficulties breastfeeding.) But I do take good care of myself. I can see the signs of getting burnt out, and I step back and do nice things for myself.

Also, my idea of helping is not to give a person a fish, but to teach them how to fish.
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  #16  
Old 10-15-2011, 01:41 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
............
I consider slut a shame word thrown at women and girls who enjoy sex, who experience and share the pleasues of sex. Slut, as a derogatory term, is sometimes used about women or girls who often haven't had sex with lots of partners - but gave some sort of indication that she enjoyed it.
Interesting comment Opal.

I wonder if we've uncovered either another gender difference or if it may be a regional or cultural difference. Like I said to RP - it's amazing how many variations on the meaning of any particular word you find !
I have never seen/heard the term 'slut' or any other derogatory term used for a woman who just seemed to enjoy sex. Unless that 'enjoyment' led her to a high level of activity with multiple different partners. Men will talk about how "hot" someone (likely?) is, how 'horny' they are etc but it only leans toward the negative when she starts spreading her joy
Maybe it's been different in your area or culture ?? I suspect if so it would be a minority.


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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
The connection with sexual healing intriques me because, personally, it has never occurred to me to have sex with someone because they are damaged or hurting in some way and sex with me can help. I've had sex for lots of reasons - to express love, to connect, for pleasure, to pass the time, to touch and be touched, to get off, among others - but never to heal someone else (or heal myself for that matter). Literally never occurred to me.
Again - maybe a regional or cultural phenomenon ?

It's been known since antiquity that the hormones released during sex can have profound impacts on people's mental state. We've talked some about the science behind it here quite a few times. The whole oxytocin etc syndrome. We also have all the science we need that connects stress to physical problems. Can you think of a better stress buster than a few orgasms ?
And again, the ancients were well aware of this - so nothing new here. But like MAgs mentioned, ever since the rise of the patriarchy, a lot of this common sense wisdom has been lost/hidden. And it still is ! You bear witness to this !

So go forth and heal girl

{{hugs}}

GS


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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I'm also intrigued that the sexual healing encounters described have all been heterosexual. I racked my brains trying to remember if any lesbian or queer friends have mentioned a similar experience.
I think this is universal across all gender preferences. It's only because of the limited participants in this little thread that it might look to have hetro connection. Altruism is gender neutral

GS
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  #17  
Old 10-15-2011, 02:46 PM
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Can you think of a better stress buster than a few orgasms ?

GS
Ah.......... YES. TANTRIC SEX. Believe it or not -- it does NOT focus on the orgasm!!!!!! It's the joy in the journey. It's being FULLY present to and with another human being.

Orgasm -- the petit mort, in French, which means "little death" -- can be such a focus, that the good stuff on the way gets underrated.

Believe it or not, in Tantric, you can have whole body orgasms! Soul orgasms! That last a whole lot longer!

I'm not making this stuff up, and I'm no expert whatsoever. I've only read a few books. It was really appealing to me, especially the healing part, which I have experienced personally. Worth checking out!
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  #18  
Old 10-15-2011, 03:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
I have never seen/heard the term 'slut' or any other derogatory term used for a woman who just seemed to enjoy sex. Unless that 'enjoyment' led her to a high level of activity with multiple different partners.
I think it's fairly common. It's not necessarily that a woman has sex with many people that gets her called a slut, although that is usually the case. But, if she reveals that she likes and wants sex that will also prompt people to label her slutty.
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  #19  
Old 10-15-2011, 04:46 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default Ethical slut

I went on to amazon and bought the book "ethical slut". Been reading it in kindle. It really makes a lot of sense and it really takes the word back. I think I would love to be that person. Most of the women I have been with though, view that sex is never just sex. When we started going outside of our marriage in my current one my SO always felt "why am I not enough".

I love sex, it's fun and i totally get off when the other person cums, that's my turn on. I will usually only cum once but I have been know to go an hour or more.

Now I am in a fourple and it's great, I have 2 women and one guy I share with (and I wasn't bi till we met them). The big difference for me is that there is love involved. And occasionally we play outside but not often anymore.

The biggest change has been in the last number of months where my 'primary' has seen that I can have feelings for someone else and I don't have less for her. I think at some point soon we might like to add another person to the mix, be it a guy or girl, and maybe have that third down the road be a more permanent person, but we'll see.

Sorry for the ramble lol.
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  #20  
Old 10-15-2011, 07:18 PM
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I have never seen/heard the term 'slut' or any other derogatory term used for a woman who just seemed to enjoy sex.
The term slut has been used to identify loose and easy women. As far as I know there is no term for women who enjoys sex. "Slut" would not be that word for me after a long history with the word I would prefer a new one to describe myself please I am not interested in claiming "slut" to describe myself. To me it has a definition already and I am not it.
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