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  #11  
Old 10-14-2011, 06:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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I dont understand.


Quote:
Sunshine and I went out on a date last week and S joined us along with a dozen of our other close friends - some know about the three of us, some don't. We have not put it out in the open as of yet for some of the complicated reasons and her husband.

S had indicated that he would give us our space. I didn't think he'd be too far from her and I - and I was correct.

I got upset at the end of the evening when I had had enough of watching him making 'googly faces' at her and taking her attention. I will admit, I did handle it wrongly. I should have waited until he and I were home and then discussed it with him, but I tend to not do that (yeah, I've done it in the past - one of my things I'm working on) and well, makes for a tense drive home.

When we did discuss it and I told him that I did not feel it was "our date" but rather "his date", he told me that I was seeing what I wanted to see.
Sunshine and you went on a date? But your husband and a dozen other friends were there. Why is it supposed to be a date for you and Sunshine when S and a passel of other friends were there? Wouldn't a one on one date be more of a real date?

S and Sunshine were/are in a sexual relationship? You didn't approach Sunshine as a sexual partner because she is married to a man and has another gf? But she's now still with her husband and her old gf and now somehow you think there is a triad situation with you and S and her? Is sex for you and Sunshine on the table? It's not a triad unless you and S and Sunshine are all physically involved. Do you and Sunshine both want that?

How much time or energy does Sunshine have for you as a gf when she already has a husband, a gf and a bf(S)?

You say you are "building a friendship" now with Sunshine. But you were already friends. Do you mean there is the beginning of a romantic/sexual relationship for you and Sunshine? Do you plan on sex with her alone? Do you plan on 3way sex with her and S? Do Sunshine and S want a 3way?
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #12  
Old 10-14-2011, 07:27 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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I confess I'm confused too. That's not a date. That's a social gathering, and, to me at least, never the two shall meet.
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  #13  
Old 10-14-2011, 07:37 PM
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It seems like you want to "claim" Sunshine as your girlfriend. You're Angel, but your screen name is SunshineAngel. Why not just Angel?

S and Sunshine have an established romantic/sexual relationship. I get the idea you and Sunshine haven't had sex yet, or even any fooling around? Your sig says she is "our shared gf." How so? S and Sunshine msg each other daily, but you and Sunshine do not, and you're jealous (admit it) that S and Sun speak more than you and Sunshine do.

Very, very confusing.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #14  
Old 10-21-2011, 03:47 PM
SunshineAngel SunshineAngel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Look up information on how men communicate, it could be helpful. My husband might remember talking to someone during the day, but if I ask him for details 90% of the time the answer I get is "I don't remember". Unless it was seriously significant, like scheduling something or a major event, odds are, he won't remember enough to give you a synopsis. He might not even remember that he talked to this person 3 times during the day unless you ask and he has to think about it. If you want to know, ASK, but don't be offended if he can't recall the details of the conversation.
I will look up this and read. It does sound more fitting I suppose, to what goes on in his head. He and I did have a talk last night and he did tell me that if he thinks it's important, he will share it with me.

He forgets where he puts his keys most days

(I don't know how to quote more then one in a response, so a few responses will be commented instead - sorry)
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Me (Angel): almost 40 yr old bi female - married to S: 44 yr old straight male & Sunshine: 40 yr old bi female who is our shared gf
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  #15  
Old 10-21-2011, 03:50 PM
SunshineAngel SunshineAngel is offline
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Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
I suggest dealing with it on two fronts. First, thinking about why these feelings might pop up. Old insecurities, self-esteem stuff, etc. These are the things you will need to work on FOR YOURSELF... in life, not only in relationships. Sometimes I'm so grateful for the fact that my insecurities were brought out so much because it was only when it became so painful that I absolutely HAD to deal with them, and I'm much more content and healthy because of it.
Yes, I do have insecurities and self-esteem issues steming from an abusive past. These have been brought out in the open with the help of a therapist and are things I am working on. Not an easy task at all. But it is something I need and want to do for ME.
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  #16  
Old 10-21-2011, 04:01 PM
SunshineAngel SunshineAngel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I dont understand.




Sunshine and you went on a date? But your husband and a dozen other friends were there. Why is it supposed to be a date for you and Sunshine when S and a passel of other friends were there? Wouldn't a one on one date be more of a real date?I see what you are saying here, but to her and I, where we don't get out together a lot, we refer to any time we can get out together (either alone or with others) as a "date". Perhaps another term should have been/should be used instead.

S and Sunshine were/are in a sexual relationship? Yes they are. You didn't approach Sunshine as a sexual partner because she is married to a man and has another gf? Not really. Her and her gf do not have the same feelings for each other as they previously had. Her gf came home for a few weeks last month and they did discuss this with each other and both admitted the feelings have changed between them. But she's now still with her husband and her old gf and now somehow you think there is a triad situation with you and S and her? The discusssion of Sunshine, S and I being a triad was discussed between the three of us, so that is how I refer to it. Is sex for you and Sunshine on the table? Yes it is. She admits to being more of a lesbian then a bisexual female. It's not a triad unless you and S and Sunshine are all physically involved. Do you and Sunshine both want that? Yes we both do.

How much time or energy does Sunshine have for you as a gf when she already has a husband, a gf and a bf(S)? That is part of the problem I guess. I admit I want more of her attention then I am currently getting.

You say you are "building a friendship" now with Sunshine. But you were already friends. Do you mean there is the beginning of a romantic/sexual relationship for you and Sunshine? Yes. Her and I were 'acquantances' for many years. I actually have had a crush on her all of these years and have wanted to be apart of her life, but since she got together with her gf (H), I stepped back and let them have their time together. Do you plan on sex with her alone? I would love that!! I do not have as much experience as she does with another female, but I so want to learn. Do you plan on 3way sex with her and S? Do Sunshine and S want a 3way? The three of us have played together twice now. For me, watching S with Sunshine is a HUGE turn on.
Thank you for your questions. They do help and do make me think in ways I was not thinking or even realized I should be thinking
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Me (Angel): almost 40 yr old bi female - married to S: 44 yr old straight male & Sunshine: 40 yr old bi female who is our shared gf

Last edited by SunshineAngel; 10-21-2011 at 04:11 PM.
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  #17  
Old 10-21-2011, 04:04 PM
SunshineAngel SunshineAngel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
It seems like you want to "claim" Sunshine as your girlfriend. You're Angel, but your screen name is SunshineAngel. Why not just Angel?I choose "SunshineAngel" as I was unable to put "Sunshine's Angel" She gave me the name of Angel.

S and Sunshine have an established romantic/sexual relationship. I get the idea you and Sunshine haven't had sex yet, or even any fooling around? We have fooled around together with S, but no, we have not had sex together ourselves Your sig says she is "our shared gf." How so? S and Sunshine msg each other daily, but you and Sunshine do not, and you're jealous (admit it) (is it jealousy or envy?) that S and Sun speak more than you and Sunshine do.

Very, very confusing.
I apologize if it is confusing. One of my biggest downfalls is my communication skills I tend to get worked up and then have a difficult time expressing my thoughts and feeling correctly. I realize communication skills are a big part of this kind of relationship, and am trying ever so hard to carefully think about what I want or need to say before I actually do.
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Me (Angel): almost 40 yr old bi female - married to S: 44 yr old straight male & Sunshine: 40 yr old bi female who is our shared gf

Last edited by SunshineAngel; 10-21-2011 at 04:12 PM.
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  #18  
Old 10-21-2011, 08:31 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SunshineAngel View Post

(I don't know how to quote more then one in a response, so a few responses will be commented instead - sorry)
Look in the lower right part of any post. See the little box with quote marks (")? Click on that in the first post you want to quote. Go to the next post you want to quote and click it again. When you've done that to all the posts, finally click the "Quote" box in the final post. Then all the posts will be in your reply box.

If you want to break up a post, type in [ quote ] at the beginning and [ / quote ] at the end of the bit you want to quote. (no spaces) Type your reply in the middle of those.

Now I can't do that with your posts because you just used a color to make your replies.

I'm going to call you Angel because her name is Sunshine and I am not going to type out SunshineAngel every time I refer to you!

OK. So.

If she's more gay than straight, it sounds like you're ready to really make her your gf. I guess you just wanted to watch Sunshine and S have sex a couple times before actually touching her? Do you think she will get to preferring your sex over S's because she is more gay than straight? How would you all deal with that? (a common triad problem is one person preferring another over time, and the 3rd feeling left out)

It was just kind of weird you referred to a party, where you, Sunshine and S all went together, to a date for her and you, yet he lurked around and made faces at her all night...

If S and Sun talk multiple times a day, rather than grilling him on what they talked about, why dont you msg her yourself as often as you like as well?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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