Originally Posted by rory
Thank you for this.
I think that's an excellent aim. I think there's a lot of baggage with my father, which is making it hard. I haven't been able to forgive him some things, and communicating with him raises a lot of difficult emotions. I really don't want to hold a grudge, and I believe he's sincere in that he admits his responsibility and regrets a lot of the things. I don't know why I can't reach forgiveness, since in my other relationships I don't find it difficult at all.
I do think that I've made some progress with the process you're describing, the intense sad feelings I had when writing that post are quite uncommon, and I generally don't care a lot about his opinions. I think there may have been more contributing to that than what I felt the reason was..
I think it can be easier to forgive others as opposed to our parents because there can be a great deal of expectations as to what parents are "supposed" to do, give, and be in a child's life. We want them to be certain things for us, but in the end they are just people like everyone else.
In one of my counseling classes my teacher expressed how it may be helpful to go through a "grieving" process -- to grieve for the mom (or dad) you wanted to have, but didn't. Grieve the fantasy of what you would have preferred... because in a way it IS a loss that you didn't have that.