New and conflicted
Warning! Long post as I have a lot on my mind and not sure what to do.....
Hi everyone. I am new to Poly and this forum. My boyfriend, although I consider him more, has given me this site to see if I can find answers in establishing the poly relationship that he desires.
Here's my situation. About this time last year, I was married and I met my current BF. He was also married but in a poly relationship (or so it seemed) with his wife. He had another woman that he was dating at that time as well.
Lo and behold, I came into his existance. He helped me realize how unhappy I was with my marriage and pretty much proposed I move in with him and his wife when my husband left me.
Unfortunately, about the same time that my ex left me, BF's wife also decided she could no longer be a part of BF's poly life, the other woman also decided she did not like me as part of the picture and left him too. This left me with him. He enjoyed our connection -- its been a strong bond (until now).
About a month later, I find out I was pregnant. He had some trouble with this as I was not suppose to get pregnant (have PCOS) and he did not want kids. He made some adjustments and decided we could still be together. We moved in together in January.
During the pregnancy, being as emotional as I was, he and I really weren't seeking anyone else. Also, he was in the process of divorce as well as I was -- this has been quite the emotional trainwreck for the both of us. A few weeks before the birth of my baby girl, he started getting restless and wanted more. He couldn't find anyone.... until now.
As I am new to the concept of poly, I was not sure I could even handle the jealously that might arise. I was ok with the setup at the beginning. Now, here I am feeling like the startup to something that he wants eventually. Ideally, he would like several partners for himself, with 2 live ins, and someone for myself.
I am so lost and confused. Within the past month, he was invited to take part in a swingers video. I asked to watch him during this time and was given permission by the photographer. During that time, I found it intriguing and fun. I felt this was something that could continue. But maybe that was the problem, it was just sex. No emotional connection.
At that video session, I found another gentleman simply gorgeous. He seemed interested in myself as well but we did not talk about meeting up. After telling this to my BF when leaving, BF was very interested in setting something up almost immediately. He wants me to be involved with others, but I was sensing that this would be more play for me/us -- which I haven't done either. I don't believe I am looking for the secondary relationships at this time. If something develops from it, I will definitely give it a try.
This past week is where all the complications now come in. BF has found another interest. He had started talking to her via email through a dating site. They seemed to have a lot in common and decided to meet up. Unfortunately, I was told about this the night before the meeting. I felt betrayed as he did not tell me about her before. That same night when talking about his meetup, he confided that he invited her over the next evening to meet me and to see where both of our relationships would go.
Needless to say, I freaked out! I told him I'm not ready for him to have that kind of relationship feelings towards another. I had figured we were in this together and would meet potentials as a couple and let it fan out from there. We talked about things the next day and seemed to have met middle ground.
The next day, after meeting BF's potential, we had set up the date with the guy from the video session. Things went great! I was seeing that something might take place and was interested to proceed. It was a good night.
The next morning we decided we needed us time. However, during this "us" time, he got a call from Potential and immediately set up a date with her for that evening without talking to me. I was crushed. He didn't talk to me about it until afterwards and I was starting to feel left out. When he came home that evening, he confessed he made out with her. Now I definitely feel left out in that he did not tell me anything of the sort would have happened. He knew I was hurt that he set up that meeting without letting me know beforehand and yet he kissed her that same night.
I'm almost to the point of moving out. He says I'm not ready. I feel like I would like to experience this still but I need that full communication as to when he has meetups and what may happen at the beginning. I'm hurt at the moment. He wants to proceed so fast in this area, and I am a beginner. I'm feeling jeaously and insecurities. His Potential was nice enough -- but I don't see us becoming great friends.
.... Also, I made a big slipup tonight -- I told my mom about the type of relationship that we are in. She flipped out and told me she never wanted to see him again and he is no longer welcome in her home. He is the father of my baby girl. I can't take this....
What do I do? Tonight is about to finish and I think he wants me moved out tomorrow. Is it better that way since I can not be at the level he needs me to be at? How do I proceed with my parents not wanting him at their house when he is involved with their grandchild? HELP!! I don't want this to be the end.