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  #221  
Old 10-10-2011, 03:11 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Okay, okay, I call Time Out on discussing relationship stuff here because I MUST hear more about those costumes! Details, please!
I'll PM you about it. It's silly, but to preserve my safe space here I try to stay away from certain details that would be a dead, instant giveaway should someone we know give this blog a cursory glance.
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  #222  
Old 10-10-2011, 03:14 AM
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Oh, yes, I hadn't thought about that! Sorry. Oh, do PM me when you have a moment - no rush! It's just that Halloween's my favorite holiday and I'm trying to figure out what to dress up as this year. I love hearing about home-made costumes because I've always felt that making your own costumes is part of what is special about this holiday.
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  #223  
Old 10-10-2011, 02:20 PM
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Halloween = the best. It's one of the many things I like about Gia, her creativity spills over and she helps make the people around her more creative. We actually did a group costume last year too (minus Bee, obviously... well, he had actually just been conceived, so he was sort of there!).
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  #224  
Old 10-10-2011, 05:33 PM
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Oh crap. I have been *such* an ass. See, this is why I like to turn things over and over in my mind, because it helps me catch the things that *should* be obvious.

It's bugged me that Davis is completely disinterested in Bee. I occasionally try to show him a super cute picture or tell him a funny story, and he's not mean about it but he just doesn't want to see/hear it. I want to stay a part of Bee's life no matter what, so in a way it's been hard not to take it personally.

When Davis and I were together the first time, years ago, we conceived accidentally and I had an abortion. We both agreed it was the right choice at the time. It was sad but I moved on completely and eventually I even became ok with telling people about it when the topic of women's reproductive rights comes up.

I found out about a year ago, to my surprise, that Davis still carries some lingering guilt and sadness about the whole thing. He's such a sweet, sensitive guy about a lot of things. :/

And here I am, falling in love with someone else's kid and trying to get him interested. And each time it probably makes him think of the fact that he and I could have been parents together and that we rejected the possibility.

Craaaaaap, I suck sometimes.
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  #225  
Old 10-10-2011, 06:06 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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I see a lot of speculation in your statements. Definitely a topic you two should discuss. However, it's not unusual for people, especially guys to have little to no interest in kids (babies) they don't have a personal connection to. He may just not see it any different than if you were discussing a tv show he doesn't watch.
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  #226  
Old 10-11-2011, 06:04 PM
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I see a lot of speculation in your statements. Definitely a topic you two should discuss. However, it's not unusual for people, especially guys to have little to no interest in kids (babies) they don't have a personal connection to. He may just not see it any different than if you were discussing a tv show he doesn't watch.
Ha, sooo, you were exactly right. Turns out I'm not a terrible person, I just like to freak myself out. Davis said "Don't expect me to get excited about Bee, k? It's not him or his parents, I just don't really... *shrug*" Me -- "Care about kids you don't have a connection to?" Him -- "Yup." Me -- "I'm sorry, I guess I got a touch of that myopia that parents tend to get about how their kid is the most perfect, interesting thing ever..." We chuckled over it.
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Last edited by AnnabelMore; 10-11-2011 at 06:27 PM.
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  #227  
Old 10-11-2011, 06:22 PM
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Ha, sooo, you were exactly right. Turns out I'm not a terrible person, I just like to freak myself out. Davis said "Don't experience me to get excited about Bee, k? It's not him or his parents, I just don't really... *shrug*" Me -- "Care about kids you don't have a connection to?" Him -- "Yup." Me -- "I'm sorry, I guess I got a touch of that myopia that parents tend to get about how their kid is the most perfect, interesting thing ever..." We chuckled over it.
Where I see guys get roped into kids is about age 4+. The kid has developed their personality and will do things like climb up on said unsuspecting guys lap and want him to read a story or fix a toy, etc. Then said child give will him a big sloppy kiss and the kid now has the guy wrapped around his finger for life. Once the kid chooses a target, the guy never had a chance. I've seen confirmed bachelor's (never wants kids, family, etc) do a complete 180 after getting caught in some toddler's sights.
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  #228  
Old 10-12-2011, 03:22 AM
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Davis and I had a long talk last night over dinner and a walk. I admitted the depth of my reservations to him. We talked a lot about his depression.

On the one hand, it was very frustrating. He doesn't think therapy will work for him right now and declined when I said I'd be willing to pay for it if we could find an affordable place. He kept saying that it was all about the fact that he hasn't found a new job since his last contract ended in late August. I kept pointing out that he's been through this depressive cycle before when he's had work.

What made it hopeful was that he did seem to be listening and by the end of the night his position had softened somewhat. He recognizes very astutely which of his behaviors are problematic (withdrawal, escapism) and why, and wants to change them.

We talked just a little about poly and the future. I reiterated my commitment to G&E&B and the depth of my feelings for them, he said he understands.

Near the end of the night he finally answered a question I'd asked early on and said that, yes, he's had doubts about our relationship too. He said that he thinks his issues are the main source of our problems, and that he doesn't think he'd like to be around himself right now if he were me. "But I don't *want* to not want to be around you!" I said. It felt like that was important, like we'd summed things up.

I asked how I could help, he said that since the depression can makes him sort of ambivalent and "meh", he'd appreciate it if I were willing to step up and be more decide-y for both of us sometimes so that he can't just wallow and do nothing. This exchange of "decide-y"-ness reminded me of D/s, and I brought up the subject. He said he thought taking on those sorts of roles would be too much, and I agreed -- the last thing I'd want to do is substitute D/s for therapy.

You'd think that confirming that we're both unsure about our relationship would leave us feeling more separate from each other, but somehow the opposite happened. I guess holding this all in and running it around and around in my head was distancing me from him. I found that I actually felt closer to him and better about things than before.

We went back to my place and he ate me out and it was hot. I moved to reciprocate and he stopped me, playfully, grinning, like this moment in time should stay all about me. Then we went downstairs and watched a show. When we went to bed for the night, we had some great sex.

At one point I was riding him, and I found myself wanting to say dom-y things. Eventually I just went with it... nothing hardcore, just stuff like "Mmm, you're mine, I love you, how does it feel to belong to me, do you like being used by me, mine, mine..."

He certainly seemed to enjoy himself, but afterwards I still worried that I'd freaked him out. I asked him if he'd liked the things I'd said and hastened to assure him that I wasn't trying to push him into a D/s dynamic. He was sleepy and contemplative and said he wasn't sure, he'd have to think about it, we could talk later. I said, "Well, I apologize if I made you uncomfortable." He said, "No, quite the opposite, but let's sleep for now..."

Which just left me really wondering!!! "Quite the opposite," eh?

Laying there as he snored softly, I found myself imagining what sort of wedding we'd have if we were ever to get married. I considered and discarded lots of different themes/locations/outfits. It was SO odd... I *never* fantasize about that sort of thing... but I enjoyed thinking about it.

I'm hardly going to up and propose to him any time soon, but how very very odd to go from feeling like I want to break things off to feeling like I want to commit! I guess getting things out in the open is just *deeply* important to me.

I'm going to keep encouraging him to deal with his issues. We'll see what comes.
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Last edited by AnnabelMore; 10-12-2011 at 03:25 AM.
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  #229  
Old 10-12-2011, 07:42 AM
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Wow, it sounds like talking really worked wonders! I'm happy for you. I can soooo relate to that, I always have the hardest time when I've got something going around inside my head and can't communicate; when I do it's always such a relief, even if I can see it's not something they wanted to hear.
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  #230  
Old 10-12-2011, 09:35 AM
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Laying there as he snored softly, I found myself imagining what sort of wedding we'd have if we were ever to get married. I considered and discarded lots of different themes/locations/outfits. It was SO odd... I *never* fantasize about that sort of thing... but I enjoyed thinking about it.
Woohoo! Me and Vanilla are right in the middle of wedding plan craziness. It's entertaining if nothing else.
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