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Old 10-11-2011, 11:42 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819

I think you said you were raised in a Christian cult? I wonder how that affects all your sexual feelings?
Well, I was raised in a conservative evangelical home. I was involved in a few cult-like para-church organizations. Then, in 2009, I was in a cult, essentially. All of this really affected my views on sexuality. I also went to a very sex positive college for a year and half. So that had a big influence on me too. I'll have to do a more extensive blog post of some of that. it's a long story.

Also, I don't understand how people can do kink play and not have sex.

Also, I don't understand how people can have a kink play partner and not consider themselves in a relationship. Kink play with one person, repeatedly, would seem to be so intimate, take lots of trust, and lead to strong feelings of closeness.
Well, for me, kink usually turns me on quite a bit. In fact, it's one of the only things that does. Since I've never had sex, it's easier for me to play and not have sex. I'm still annoyed by how Nurse wanted to play AND act like an item but still not have a "relationship" of any kind other than "friends." Total bullshit. I did develop a sense of intimacy with him and was sort of miffed when that seemed to freak him out.

Wow, he sounds like a really unsafe play partner . Seems E and M knew what they were doing, taking their distance from him (are they women btw? are they included in the non-sexual play partner category or just friends?).
I probably don't need to make excuses for him...he does have knowledge of how to be a safe player, in fact he's the head DM for one of the most widely respected play spaces in my city. He, does, however, have a really bad habit of not dealing with his emotions and allowing that to come out in play rather than just talking about it. I guess he knows, he just chooses not to do it. And it's unpredictable too.... E and M are women and yeah, they're pretty smart. They are primarily friends. I've played a little with E. Nurse kept saying how badly they treated him after the break up but honestly, I'm more inclined to side with them. They're able to speak far more unbiasedly/unemotionally about it and given how poorly Nurse treated me, it's not much of a stretch to believe their stories.

I did take down my OKC profile. I figured OKC just doesn't work for me and that's ok. And I just had my nails painted. I hear those fake ones are a bitch to get off. I've had some good experiences, too, countering the bad ones. Beanstalk has been great, even though we decided just to be platonic. I had a fabulous, non-creepy experience on both of my dates with him.
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bdsm, conflict, dating, depression, kink, single, virgin

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