Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 10-30-2009, 05:04 PM
ericm12121977 ericm12121977 is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Tulsa, Ok
Posts: 2
Default Wife's boyfriend is ready!

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to talk and see if I am really as alone as I sometimes feel. I have been married to the woman of my dreams for almost 11 years now. We literally dated for a month and got married without knowing who we were and how we would ever learn to accept each other. I can honestly say that it hasn't been the easiest road in the world but at the same time, I would do it over again and again. We did the swinger thing in the past and really enjoyed it, but the only way that we did it was inviting other men into the picture to play with her. I know, we are not the so typical couple out there seeking other females. To me that always seemed kinda one sided and I know that that is just my opinion. I truly to enjoy seeing her with other men.

Now to get to the current situation at hand. My wife and I have become very close to each other and we both love each other with our whole beings. I have never been one to be overbearing or self-centered. I have always believed that you can and will love more than just one person in your life and that all though not every relationship is meant to last forever they are connections in your life that you value to extents. My wife has been working on this for a little while now and has seen that she is capable of having an emotional connection with another man. She and I have spent about the last 3 months talking about her emotions and how she is learning that it is ok to love more than just one person at a time. She has been friends with a guy for the last 2 years that she knew she had feelings for but didn't know if she could actually have strong emotional feeling for. As time has gone by they both have come to the realization that they both have these feelings for each other. We all have spent time talking and getting to know more about each of ourselves and each other for the last few months now.

As he lives in another state due to family issues that have now resolved themselves, he is on his way back to the area in which we live. He and my wife have been spending numerous hours a night talking on the phone, web-cam and writing e-mails back and forth to each other and nothing has been kept a secret from me. She lets me listen to the conversations that they have and she has let me read the e-mails as well as see the web-cam shows that they put on for each other. I do struggle with the amount of time they are devoting to each other at this time, but at the same time I also see the "newness" of the relationship and remember back to the days when her and I first met and were courting each other and how much time we devoted to the flirtation and companionship.

Does anyone else struggle with the feelings of being left out and not being needed but knowing that those thoughts really don't hold any merit?

I know that the love shared between her and I is very strong to the core and I really don't ever see anything happening between her and I in regards to falling apart. I also know through the many conversations that him and I have had that he is ready and able to accept that she is in love with the both of us and that if he can't handle it then he needs to be honest and say so. I know that you can't really tell how your going to feel about something this important until you get into it. I fully accept that and agree that they both need their dating time. We don't know the best way of dealing with the time issue but we do know that it doesn't mean less love if one of us don't get to spend time with her when the other is with her.

We are still new to this as this is really the first time that bringing another person into the picture is not just about sex. This is about love and connection and trust and understanding. Yes we all know that it won't be an easy road but we are all willing to work on it as we go along. I am sorry if this post makes no sense. It is mostly just about me being able to communicate with like-minded individuals that hopefully can share a little bit of their knowledge and insight about the obstacles that we will face. I have read many of the posts but it really seems that most of the in-depth ones pertain more to having a second female in the picture verse a second male. I hope to be able to learn and grow from all of this.

Thank you,
Eric
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:31 PM.