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Old 10-09-2011, 02:13 PM
heidi heidi is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 14
Default to be or not to be

I had never really considered poly before, nor have I had any relationships that lasted long enough for this to even come up as a possibility.
Because of my lousy experiences with relationships, I have been very open and clear in considering that the relationship/lover that would work for me will most likely be something/one off the beaten path.
I just (less than 2 weeks ago) met a really great poly guy who really thinks I am amazing. We jumped in bed, which is apparantly more my MO than his. We have really great sex and really enjoy each other's company out of bed too.
Unfortunately, he had plans with another lover that began less than a week after we met, and is a week-long visit. We would not have met until after this visit except that we discovered a mass of coincidences that kind of jumpstarted our meeting.
While with me, he was totally attentive and did not get distracted by any other women, and I understand that this is important to his time with any of his lovers (I don't think he has many), yet he has made the effort to check in with me because he knows I am having a hard time.
Meanwhile, several men from my past have suddenly been anxious to see me. I even had a date with a new man. Since I have not identified myself as poly, I am struggling with wonder: am I interested in meeting up with these men because I am just filling the time that I want to have filled by my polyman? I did have limited sexual contact with all three men, being sure to be safe. Will I get to the point when I will actually want to spend full weeks with someone else? Will I ever feel ok when this is what he chooses to do? We live very close, which means that we will most likely be together more than we are apart.
I have had some bursts of tears over this week, but my feelings seem to be more attached to just not seeing him rather than with his being with someone else.
Obviously, the answer to all these questions is that I will have to decide for myself (so if this is what a person wants to reply, don't bother. I just want some other input), but are there some good pointers about how to know whether a person is the kind who can handle this kind of thing? What sort of indicators should I have been aware of when considering whether it was emptiness, or promiscuity, or just great opportunities that guided my choices about sex with other men. If I can handle this I would like to explore, but feel like I need some guidance. I don't want to get more deeply involved if it is clear that it will not work for me.
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dating, self-esteem

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