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Old 10-07-2011, 06:50 PM
Darknyss Darknyss is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 9
Default Ah, my crazy life.

I know I don't post here much (not often at all, really, I suppose), but I've got nowhere else to go really when I need advice.

I finally broke things off with the ex-wife back in May, right around the time I got with my new gf, C. (That was what pushed it over the edge for the ex.) The ex and I didn't start off as poly, but here I thought was a chance to get things off on the right foot from the get go. When we first started talking, I made it clear that I was polyamorous and had a potential on again/off again thing with another girl, T, who was a long distance relationship. This was perfectly ok with her, and we got along great.

The longer we were together, however, the less she seemed ok with things. She'd get pissed when T would call on the phone, or when I was talking to someone/looking at someone's profile on the net she would make passing comments on why this person wouldn't be a good fit, etc. C, for her part is admittedly bi-polar and has a history of being abused mentally and physically, and she only recently started going back to the therapist. She's scheduled for seeing a psych about getting on meds sometime soon.

A couple days ago though, she broke down because I said something to T (we are no longer together at this point, but are still accquaintences/talk on the net) that she considered inappropriate (speaking about my frustration with her not finding a job, which admittedly was possibly out of line or none of her business, but I really don't have many people to talk to). I had no intention of mentioning this conversation to C, I was just venting to T in what I thought was private conversation. C has my password to my Y! account though, and went through my message archive and found the conversation and read it because she "had a feeling I was talking about her" when I mentioned I was chatting with T.

During the ensuing fight, she had decided to leave me, and "couldn't handle polyamory, or even the thought of another woman touching you or being with you the way I am at all." I had already agreed to put any potential relationships on hold until she got on some anti anxiety meds because it was too much for her, but before she even got on them, she has made this demand of me.

I, for my part, am potentially borderline personality disorder (never been diagnosed, but fit most of the criteria) and I am *terrified* of being alone. She knows this. She breaks out the "either you are with me and me alone, or I am leaving." I beg her not to go, she's the closest to my ideal woman that I've ever had. She keeps on...and I keep lowering my asking price until she agrees to stay and allow me to "occasionally have threesomes with her and a prostitute, as long as it isn't every month or something."

Sex is a big thing for me, and any relationship I am in will grow stagnant in my eyes if I am not allowed to explore sexual liasons with others outside. I feel terrible, like I'm not in control of my own destiny anymore. I may "occasionally" have sex with others, but she holds the keys on who, when, how often, etc. I feel like dying, but I can't let her go because I'll be alone...again...and I'm still in the middle of a divorce and need her help and (if she can get a job) her financial assistance to have any chance of getting my kids back. Also, she's really good for me, in almost every way but this. We have nearly *everything* in common.

Wtf do I do? Any advice would be massive appreciated. I've got no idea where to turn at this point. Sorry if this is super long to read guys. Thanks

Sorry for the really quick edit, I'm at work, and I really REALLY don't want her to see this, so I can't check it until monday. Thanks for checking it out guys

Last edited by Darknyss; 10-07-2011 at 09:39 PM.
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divorce, mental illness

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