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Old 10-07-2011, 04:20 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Oh, seeing BU's post just reminded me that I'd wanted to respond to your thread when you added your last message. Sorry...

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
. . . he's in between contracts at work, so he has all day free... and he'll say he was bored. And I just boggle at that. Life is so big and exciting and there's never enough time to do even a part of all I want to do. And he's bored. How can he be bored?
I don't know, I think you can cut him some slack here. For someone who is always busy, a long span of time with nothing planned can seem overwhelming. And if he's not a "smell the roses" type of guy who can wing it comfortably, I can see how a free day seems boring. He probably just doesn't know how to be okay with doing nothing, or being spontaneous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I talked to him about it all, just a little bit, the other day... about feeling uneasy, about not being sure if I wanted to move in together. He said he understood, but that he thought he would need some commitment and stability in the next 6 to 12 months . . . I want Davis as my best friend and my lover.
Why can't you just tell him that? Your statement is definitive about what you want and how you want it to be. There can certainly be a commitment to that. And it certainly can be stable as "best friends and lovers." Since he's able to be patient and not demand some kind of answer for six months to a year, I don't think you really need to fret about it. However, it's probably helpful to note that there is an element of unease or dissatisfaction with the situation -- or having to define it. Perhaps you sense (or imagine?) some pressure coming from him about this, and maybe it's more gratifying to you to just have it BE what it is rather than have a defined role, and that's what's bothering you. In any event, there is good, rich, informative stuff here to look at as you move forward.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I just think less and less that I want him him to be my life partner.
There is nothing wrong with that. When you rekindled things with him, was there any promise or even implication that it was supposed to head toward life partnership?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-07-2011 at 04:42 PM.
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bisexual, boundaries, mono/poly, pregnancy, secondary, unrequited, vee

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