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  #41  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:10 AM
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It just so happens that it's usually the third's voice that get's heard the least around here.
I would definitely like to hear Anne's point of view, Ceoli. In her words.
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  #42  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:10 AM
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This might be a bit of a tangent, but way back when I first joined this board there was a thread from a couple that had a committed triad with a third that didn't work out. It basically amounted to something like "Our third didn't behave the way we wanted her to in the relationship. What went wrong?"

Most of the answers consisted of all sorts of speculation about whether she was honest, really poly, etc. I really had to facepalm all the vilification of her. I'm kind of seeing the same thing here. The only piece of info I can glean from all of this is what Alex said. It seems that there are different goals at play here. But I can't speculate as to Anne's goals because her voice hasn't been at the table.

Now perhaps people will think this is another "think about the third" soapbox post, but rest assured I would have the very same issue if it were a member of the couple what wasn't represented. It just so happens, that it's usually the third's voice that get's heard the least around here.

I agree it's all speculation when we aren't hearing all sides. That is why I said it sounds like a compromisable issue-not "well Violet is all correct and Anne's a you know what".
Anne (or HMA) may have VERY valid reasons for wanting triple rings.

NO PROBLEM! I'm right there with ya!

But surely we aren't going to throw away expensive jewelry just because we enhanced the relationship?????

I talked with Maca about it last night-because I was curious on his take, I knew mine. He and I agreed-it just seems like a big huge to-do over nothing.
She wants to keep a wedding ring.. AND SO?

A ring does not a marriage make.
A ring does not a triad make
A ring does not a marriage break.
A ring does not a triad break.

I could make that list go miles with examples! It's only symbolic of her commitment to HMA, BUT it is not symbolic of a lack of commitment to another.

ANY mother can acknowledge that just because they wear a wedding ring DOES NOT mean that they are not equally committed to their child... I have a mothers ring now-great, fun for me. But prior to getting it-I was still just as devoted to my children as I am my husband and I am still just as devoted to my husband even though I wear a ring on my right hand for GreenGecko.
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  #43  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:11 AM
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i would definitely like to hear anne's point of view, ceoli. In her words.
ditto.
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  #44  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:18 AM
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But surely we aren't going to throw away expensive jewelry just because we enhanced the relationship?????
If I were a third, I would not want to be considered an enhancement (which is probably why I won't be being a third any time soon), but I understand what you mean. And I don't think it's necessary either. There are always ways to compromise, but compromise can only happen when all members of the relationship are willing to let go of something they're clinging to. But I get the sense that the ring is but one of the issues at play here.
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Old 10-30-2009, 02:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I would definitely like to hear Anne's point of view, Ceoli. In her words.
Yep.


I disagree that we dont hear the "thirds" view alot round here... We recently had Sweetie, GreenGecko and Of course we have Aussielover... All "thirds" making it work in their own ways. And Of Course Mono... The Third who isnt a third.

And I think be "enhancing" the relationship LR meant "extending/opening" the relationship.
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  #46  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:48 AM
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Yep.


I disagree that we dont hear the "thirds" view alot round here... We recently had Sweetie, GreenGecko and Of course we have Aussielover... All "thirds" making it work in their own ways. And Of Course Mono... The Third who isnt a third.

And I think be "enhancing" the relationship LR meant "extending/opening" the relationship.
That's a good point. There have been quite a few more since I joined the boards, but I still feel the absence of many voices when discussions like this come up. Not just this one particularly, but in general. It's always lovely to hear how people are making it work. It's also important to hear those voices when things are not working.

And while I know what LR meant by enhancing, I think the way language is used can be pretty important, which is why I brought that up.
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  #47  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:51 AM
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If I were a third, I would not want to be considered an enhancement (which is probably why I won't be being a third any time soon), but I understand what you mean. And I don't think it's necessary either. There are always ways to compromise, but compromise can only happen when all members of the relationship are willing to let go of something they're clinging to. But I get the sense that the ring is but one of the issues at play here.
I don't really know how to put it-because the reality is if one relationship already exists-you are enhancing it if you add anything to it....

Not like 'oh I upgraded my tv'.. .
but what is a good term?

I think for me I would MUCH prefer a quad... I can't exactly define why... I think I could have done a healthy, functional triad with greengecko and my exgirlfriend... but that's not the dynamic now.

Married to Maca, my preference would be a quad.

BUT I agree that the bottom line is that if such a huge battle is coming over a ring-then it at least highly suggests that something else is brewing.

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  #48  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:52 AM
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You all are too fast for me tonight!!

I have a friend battling with her hubby who is venting on the phone-and I cna't keep up.

Words what they are, I love your ways of expressing things Ceoli!!!
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  #49  
Old 10-30-2009, 02:54 AM
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I don't really know how to put it-because the reality is if one relationship already exists-you are enhancing it if you add anything to it....

Not like 'oh I upgraded my tv'.. .
but what is a good term?
That's probably a whole other thread! A lot of that has to do with points of view and all sorts of things. There's a lot of existential stuff to be covered in something like that
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  #50  
Old 10-30-2009, 03:15 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I don't really know how to put it-because the reality is if one relationship already exists-you are enhancing it if you add anything to it....

Not like 'oh I upgraded my tv'.. .
but what is a good term?

Funny the reference I had used before editing was "turbo charging" an already awesome car. :P
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Now I see it everyday
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I am, I am
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