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  #11  
Old 10-06-2011, 06:12 PM
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Podunk Podunk is offline
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Boy, this "nothing happened" thing is getting bigger and bigger! Marriage is completely finished at this point, but veganchick is still begging forgiveness and assuring that the lies are over and there is nothing else to tell. She is still unable to offer a WHY! Doesn't know why she lied? It's like the little kid who doesnít know why they wrote all over the wall with crayons!

This is where we begin to catch up with the beginning of my writing. After yet another sleepless night, I wanted to make damn sure this thing was completely out in the open, although I'm still not sure that is the case. I began some very intense, focused direct questioning to satisfy my need to know. Well, wouldn't you know it! More lies! "Semi-naked" became naked, one encounter became multiple days, Paulís inability to perform became he came in my mouth and I swallowed his load, which by the way has now become "I don't remember".
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  #12  
Old 10-06-2011, 06:13 PM
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So, here we are at the end of this story, or at least this chapter. After another sleepless night I have been writing and collecting my thoughts since about 3am. I can't believe anyone will actually read this far, maybe someone will although I'm not sure why they would. Veganchick is still begging forgiveness and claiming full disclosure, like she has every one of the past four days. I'm still not convinced.

In hopes of rebuilding things she is cooperating with my demands for full disclosure to every party involved in this mess, and to immediate STD testing. (Yes, I'm aware oral transmission rates are fairly low compared to intercourse.)

We'll see where this ends up. At this point all I really want to know is the WHY? Not sure, outside of veganchickís apparent psychosis if there is a why. Doubt Iíll ever get that answer. I'll let you all know what happens.
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  #13  
Old 10-06-2011, 06:51 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Podunk View Post
I can't believe anyone will actually read this far, maybe someone will although I'm not sure why they would.
Errr... an addiction to this board, curiosity, drama?

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine the pain and confusion you're going through.

I don't have a lot else to add, sadly. It sounds like VC thought she could do poly, and did fine in group situations, but veered way off course when she went solo. Maybe the lies were a leftover guilt thing from our culture's weirdness about exramarital sex?

The real kicker, of course, is that she lied to you and THEN slept with you, meaning you could have been exposed to something. Just... so not ok. I mean, obviously you know that, I'm just saying... I can see why you're so uninclined to try to reconcile right now.

Then again, I've seen couples go through worse, sort it out, and decide to stay together. Doesn't necessarily mean that should happen here. Still, 6 years is a long time. If I were you, I'd get away, stay somewhere else, clear my head. I'd also consider contacting Paul directly, maybe send him this thread to read.

Good luck, man.
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Last edited by AnnabelMore; 10-06-2011 at 06:57 PM.
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  #14  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Errr... an addiction to this board, curiosity, drama?

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine the pain and confusion you're going through.
Haha, I had a brief addiction to this board and some quite long-term addictions on others.

Quote:
I don't have a lot else to add, sadly. It sounds like VC thought she could do poly, and did fine in group situations, but veered way off course when she went solo. Maybe the lies were a leftover guilt thing from our culture's weirdness about exramarital sex?
That is the best answer I have heard yet, got a similar response from a friend and have pulled some of that out of veganchick. She didn't make the emotional connection she wanted, which who does in the first hour? So she tried to get it through sex, and when that didn't work, she tried even more sex!!! Talk about confused!

What really mixed things up for her was her last night at the commune. She made that emotional connection with another visitor after a few hours of chatting. There was no sex, but what she had been trying to get from Paul all along was fulfilled by visitor. I think she began to feel kind of dirty for her disconnected sex with Paul.

Quote:
The real kicker, of course, is that she lied to you and THEN slept with you, meaning you could have been exposed to something. Just... so not ok. I mean, obviously you know that, I'm just saying... I can see why you're so uninclined to try to reconcile right now.
Thanks for your understanding! I really don't have that from anyone right now.

Quote:
Then again, I've seen couples go through worse, sort it out, and decide to stay together. Doesn't necessarily mean that should happen here. Still, 6 years is a long time. If I were you, I'd get away, stay somewhere else, clear my head. I'd also consider contacting Paul directly, maybe send him this thread to read.

Good luck, man.
You can't even imagine how much I love her! I don't know at this point if I can continue the relationship, only time will tell. It was literally only a few days ago that I had it all and couldn't imagine life without her. I still can't.
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  #15  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:30 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Podunk,

I understand your pain and feelings of betrayal....and I really know about the sleepless nights and sleep deprivation. My sleep cycle has not recovered yet.

I found that the sleep problem makes everything 3-30 times more emotional...and depending how you handle your emotions putting off certain conversations until you had a chance to get a couple of hrs of sleep may help. I wouldn't make any big decisions in that state that you may regret later. In that zoned out state I had to fight hard not to be reactionary....something to look out for.

The why question ....good luck on that and hope you believe it if you get one.

Are you convinced his dick didn't find other fun places to visit ....I think this could be the reason for all the lies. How or why does he have a fuck buddy if he can't get it up? ... you may want to .check with her and see if that's true...the whole limp-dick-man idea.... the way your story started I'm surprised she didn't say he was gay also ...

Good luck ...try to get some sleep D
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  #16  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:37 PM
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I am just wondering why you are so against forgiving her. This can be repaired. Anything can be repaired if love is there. You're writing her off so quickly, such an extreme reaction.
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  #17  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:41 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am just wondering why you are so against forgiving her. This can be repaired. Anything can be repaired if love is there. You're writing her off so quickly, such an extreme reaction.
I don't know, personally, what it would take for me to regain trust in a partner who'd knowingly endangered my health while keeping me in the dark. Forgiveness is ome thing, trust is another.
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  #18  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
I found that the sleep problem makes everything 3-30 times more emotional
So true, I really need some sleep to face any more of this.

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The why question ....good luck on that and hope you believe it if you get one.
Yeah, looks like I'll have to piece together and decide on the 'why' for myself. Couldn't believe her if she had one and I'm starting to believe she honestly doesn't.

Quote:
Are you convinced his dick didn't find other fun places to visit ....I think this could be the reason for all the lies. How or why does he have a fuck buddy if he can't get it up? ... you may want to .check with her and see if that's true...the whole limp-dick-man idea.... the way your story started I'm surprised she didn't say he was gay also ...
Lol, maybe he's gay will be the next excuse. But I don't think other holes is the reason. There were no off-limit holes. Although as I'm typing this I asked! And guess what, they tried! Good insight Dinged! Now I'm to believe there was a condom on the limp dick at that time. Who the hell knows? Mad all over again!
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  #19  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Forgiveness is ome thing, trust is another.
I agree, but not even making an attempt to forgive and rebuild trust before completely breaking it off?
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  #20  
Old 10-06-2011, 07:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am just wondering why you are so against forgiving her. This can be repaired. Anything can be repaired if love is there. You're writing her off so quickly, such an extreme reaction.
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I don't know, personally, what it would take for me to regain trust in a partner who'd knowingly endangered my health while keeping me in the dark. Forgiveness is ome thing, trust is another.
Well, I am four days sleep deprived at the moment, haven't eaten much etc... And my reaction is no more extreme than her action. I have been hurt so badly in the past that there are only two things that I require, trust and honesty. At the moment neither are left in this relationship. And in my current state grasping the repair or rebuilding is beyond my scope.
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