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  #151  
Old 10-04-2011, 07:54 PM
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sadibird sadibird is offline
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I think sagency and sourgirl hit it on the head. I'm not necessarily interested in poly for myself just wondering how other people have managed a disparity in libido coupled with being bisexual in a hetero relationship.

My partner and I are very supportive of each other - we've decided on what we want from one another and have committed to a life together. We both want kids, we both want to grow old together (we're best friends), but we don't want to be sexually exclusive.

He's more interested in a swinging/casual sex/FWB type thing, and that sounds awesome to me as well except I need to love someone to have sex with them but I don't want to have more than one romantic relationship. It's not about jealousy, it's not about roving eyes - it's about a very high sex drive, a very high population of hot people in my area, and a very supportive partnership. I like it when he sleeps w/ other people - he's happier and brings home more energy for our sex life.

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Lots of women are hornier than their mates. If you need to masturbate a lot when your man is not in the mood, let him know this, and make sure he supports it without guilting you.
No offense or anything, but masturbation just doesn't cut it. If anything it makes it worse. He doesn't guilt me for it. We're pretty sex-positive.

It's so helpful to have a forum to talk about this on. I don't know anyone who would be as supportive.

Last edited by sadibird; 10-04-2011 at 07:56 PM. Reason: forgot something
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  #152  
Old 10-04-2011, 10:28 PM
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OK I see I was way off base. I'm sorry, I just read the thread too quickly this morning.

Are we to understand your partner has had a couple casual sexual flings already? And you want to have sex with, and love with, a woman, but do not want to do it casually. Yet, you fear you will desire your partner less, and neglect him, when NRE hits you if you combine sex with these certain other people, friends, that you desire.

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This is so weird for me. I'm young (21) but very independent and mature for my age, so I'm not used to encountering something that I can't figure out or don't already know how to do.
Aren't young people always encountering new things they have never done before? Having to "figure stuff out" about life, about themselves?
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  #153  
Old 10-04-2011, 11:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sadibird View Post
No offense or anything, but masturbation just doesn't cut it. If anything it makes it worse. He doesn't guilt me for it. We're pretty sex-positive.
How so? Do you mind explaining how it makes things worse? I find that masturbation is really hot when my partner spoons me or holds me in some way while I'm doing it, even if he's not feeling sexual or is done for the evening and I'm not.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #154  
Old 01-05-2012, 04:03 AM
geminisag511 geminisag511 is offline
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I think I agree that female bisexuality (at least recently ala Katy Perry) is more acceptable. Frankly, it is encouraged by men, so...women want attention, what better way- have fun with a woman while a man is egging you on. But that's the pop culture side of it.
I am bi-sexual. I am married, love my husband and we have great sex. But, first time I saw a Playgirl I was grossed out at the naked male figure, but when I came across my dad's Playboy's thought it was beatiful and was (I know now) turned on. Weird, pushing 40 and haven't figured it out. I like the sight, smell and touch of a woman, but prefer the feel of a man. Innate, I don't know, I really don't have many "girlfriends", never have. Most of my friends were male. I would rather stick a fork in my eye than go to a Mary Kay party. But if I could hang with a group of guys drinking beer and watching sports, I would have a blast.
Oh yeah, and if my husband wanted to experiment with men, that would be cool with me. But he says no way, and I still wonder....nature or nurture?
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  #155  
Old 01-07-2012, 08:00 PM
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I can identify with that. When I was younger, I couldn't stand seeing naked men. It seemed gross and scary. I didn't even like seeing men topless. I thought that women were very beautiful and sexy but was never really aroused by the idea of being with a woman. Now that I'm a bit older and have tried some of both and then some, I find that I am definitely sexually attracted to men. While I still find women to be very beautiful, I have little desire to actually be with them.
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  #156  
Old 01-08-2012, 05:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Scale? I dunno, but there are terms galore.

Straight
Cis-gendered
Het
Vanilla
Prude
Genderqueer
Genderfucker
Hermaphrodite
Butch
Femme
Ambiguously sexed/gendered
Androgyne
Penis ambivalence
Breast envious
Penis envious
Tgirl
Boi
Transman
Transwoman
Non-op (eration)
Pre-op
Post-op
Man
Woman
Ahem, hermaphrodite is not the correct term, that would be intersexed/intersexual. Hermaphrodite is actually quite offensive :/
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  #157  
Old 01-15-2012, 05:23 AM
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Default Women will become attracted to who they're in love with

<span style="font-style:italic;">"Among humans, women show greater oxytocin release during sexual activity than do men, and some women show correlations between oxytocin release and orgasm intensity (Carmichael et al., 1994). Such findings raise the provocative possi- bility that women’s greater emphasis on the relational context of sexuality—that is, their greater experience of links between love and desire—may be influenced by oxytocin’s joint, gender-specific role in these processes (in addition to culture and socialization).

Furthermore, the fact that women sometimes develop same-sex desires as a result of falling in love with female friends (a phenomenon rarely documented among men) might be interpreted to indicate that oxytocin-mediated links between love and desire make it possible for a woman’s affectionally triggered desires to ‘‘override’’ her general sexual orientation."</span>

<span style="font-style:italic;">-Lisa M. Diamond
University of Utah
CURRENT DIRECTIONS IN PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE
Emerging Perspectives on
Distinctions Between Romantic
Love and Sexual Desire</span>


According to Lisa M.Diamond (above) Romantic love in the abstract sense of the term, is traditionally referred to as involving a mix of emotional and sexual desire for another as a person. She proposes that sexual desire and romantic love are functionally independent and that romantic love is not intrinsically oriented to same-gender or other-gender partners. She also proposes that the links between love and desire are bidirectional as opposed to unilateral. Furthermore, Diamond does not state that one's sex has priority over another sex (a male or female) in romantic love because her theory suggests it is as possible for someone who is homosexual to fall in love with someone of the other gender as for someone who is heterosexual to fall in love with someone of the same gender.
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  #158  
Old 01-15-2012, 08:05 PM
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I was a part of one of Lisa Diamond's studies.
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  #159  
Old 01-16-2012, 06:02 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I haven't read the entire thread, but being a bi female, I have thoughts.

My experience is that it's always been a part of me, it just took some unfolding. My senior year in high school, I read about some gay rights stuff, and in my head, was doing cartwheels, saying, 'women are an option?!!!?!! I can date girls TOO?!!!' I had serious crushes on three women in high school, two classmates and a teacher. Later, surrounded by gay community, I heard all these people telling stories about girl scout camp and thought, 'where were MY lesbians? I didn't know any, or hear anything remotely like that.' Then one day I was going through some old photos, and found one that I had taken at camp. Big ol' butch girl. Made my heart go pitty-pat. And I realized I had been there, just didn't know it.

Now, in all fairness, I was sexually abused, by my mother (first, but by no means the last). In spite of all that ick, I'm willing to acknowledge that could have something to with it. I occasionally wondered if I spent 10 years pretty exclusively with women to get my own attention so I could remember. But I really (really) enjoy sex with women, so I don't think it was only a way to get my own attention.

I was also raised on Playboy. It was the reading material of choice. I started with cartoons, and worked my way up to articles. (this would be ages 6-12). I'm certain that in a different sort of society, my dad might have been bisexual. My mother used to say she might be a lesbian, but the only women she could fall in love with were as hopelessly hetero as she was.

So I can see a heavy element of nurture in it for me. But I could easily believe I have an abundance of oxytocin. I fall in love with lots of people. I have fallen in love with people I would never have thought I could.
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  #160  
Old 01-21-2012, 04:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
I haven't read the entire thread, but being a bi female, I have thoughts.

My experience is that it's always been a part of me, it just took some unfolding. My senior year in high school, I read about some gay rights stuff, and in my head, was doing cartwheels, saying, 'women are an option?!!!?!! I can date girls TOO?!!!' I had serious crushes on three women in high school, two classmates and a teacher. Later, surrounded by gay community, I heard all these people telling stories about girl scout camp and thought, 'where were MY lesbians? I didn't know any, or hear anything remotely like that.' Then one day I was going through some old photos, and found one that I had taken at camp. Big ol' butch girl. Made my heart go pitty-pat. And I realized I had been there, just didn't know it.
Heh, nice story, NR.

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...I have an abundance of oxytocin. I fall in love with lots of people. I have fallen in love with people I would never have thought I could.
I can relate. I've always been so boy crazy, and a little bit girl crazy.

I do things now, almost intentionally, to increase my abundant oxytocin. I make sure my living space is clean and freshly scented, and I light candles and incense, sometimes buy flowers. I'm a sucker for long walks on the beach, sharing food with a lover, lots of eye contact during cuddling and sex.

My first date that promised to be sexual with The Ginger, I'd bought and arranged flowers. Surprise! He brought me some more. We had sexual tension after we kissed hello when I had to stop to arrange them in water. I wouldve let them lie on the counter for a while, but he insisted. I arranged them one by one, while I knew he couldnt wait to lay hands on me. Ah, good times.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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