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Old 10-01-2011, 08:41 PM
zaitrancer zaitrancer is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Default Very conflicted

Hi - I'm in a situation that has me very conflicted, and I'm not sure where to turn. Maybe some people here can help or point me towards someone who can?

I am in a 12 year same sex relationship. In fact, we recently got married. Over the years our relationship slowly evolved to something less sexual and more like best friend's but with deep loyalty, camaraderie and shared happiness. Although the sex is rare, it's incredibly hot when we have it. We have built a wonderful life together. I would jump in front of a bus for this man, and I want to grow old together.

We were monogamous for maybe 5 to 6 years and then opened up our relationship in the sense that we didn't actively look for sexual encounters (alone or separate) with others but if they happened it was a non-issue. Those instances have been relatively rare, but they have been fun on occasion and they have worked.

Recently we shared a third with a single guy, and in getting to know him both he and I have developed feelings for each other in a way that at least for me I didn't know could even exist. I don't need to go on like a teenager, but what I thought initially was a crush that would quickly fade has deepened into a mellower but amazing sense of warmth, caring and connection.

Both of us are so emotionally and morally conflicted. I have no desire to leave my husband because he is my rock and although he may not have a romantic bone in his body I love him in a way that I could never love another; yet I've met someone else who touches another part of me in a way that my husband never could.

My husband knows my friend and I hang out, and he knows that my friend has a "crush" on me. Under our arrangement he is also ok if we "play", but my greatest source of conflict is that he isn't aware that what we feel is way beyond "playing".

My friend and I don't know how to proceed. Above all we want to do the right thing for all of us. This is completely uncharted territory for us and someone that would initially have been against our values - so we have no frame of reference on what we're even doing. Am I just a cheating spouse who needs to smarten up and cut all ties, or what should I do? My biggest desire to to live a moral life that is free and honest and I'm fit to be tied.
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