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  #11  
Old 09-29-2011, 07:18 PM
bassman bassman is offline
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Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
That's cool about the music, I'd love to play some Jazz band stuff. =]

It's unfortunate about you and your wife though. She certainly seems the strict mono type and anything that even she remotely thinks is you pushing her into poly, she'll push back with force. She may never fully come round to the idea.
Best Jazz Band was a 19 piece! Horns and everything!!

Yeah, I know its early days, I mean I only read ethical slut a few months ago, so even I am new to lots of the thinking on here, which I am LOVING !!

And how great it is, to be able to share my thoughts here with like-minded people. Thanks in advance !!!
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  #12  
Old 09-30-2011, 01:35 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Hi Magdlyn, my wife knows the woman, knows we flirt on the phone, but perhaps doesnt know all the details of exactly what was exchanged. So I suppose it was and wasnt (so its on the cheating scale somewhere I suppose, hopefully not up there with full sex?) it did do wonders for our sex life, and I'd really like her to enjoy that same experience, (with someone other than me).
But your wife would see it as "fornication" and "adultery." You've got a tough row to hoe there... not sure someone so "Christian" could ever be open to taking another male lover. However, there is no condemnation of lesbian sex in the Bible... and technically, nothing wrong with a man having 2 "wives/concubines."

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We are stuck at the moment - we went to counselling at my suggestion. I thought I needed help to carefully open up about my sexual thoughts. The counsellor didnt seem that interested in me, and when she just gave me blank stare after I said "I'd like to share my sexual thoughts with my wife". I kinda confirmed that. The stupid counsellor didnt even turn up at the next meeting, so that just proved my suspicion.
Yikes! There sure are some bad therapists out there. Similarly to you, after my ex and I opened our relationship, we lost our good therapist (she was open to poly, queer sex, homeschooling etc) due to us changing health insurance. When I told me new therapist I sometimes got crushes on others besides my husband, she told me married people "should not" get crushes. Needless to say I didn't go back to her again! Please keep looking for a better therapist, open to alternative ways of loving. They are out there.

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Meantime I was on a roll! We bought some toys, books, DVD etc. But after my wifes comment on "immoral", Ive just hung back now - I realise I need to give her time to come round.

I mean she was not pleased when I sent her a picture of a MFM 3some. I thought she might enjoy that fantasy. But alas, it was a mistake, and the bedroom has gone back to boring for now.
Bummer!

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No, I'm completely atheist - too me, most religions are superstitious nonsense.

And you're right - I struggle to reason with her on those topics.
That sounds like a huge disconnect. Personally I could never be in a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my spirituality or political views. Seems like a basic for being on the same page in approaches to living and loving (and voting, of course heh).
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
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  #13  
Old 09-30-2011, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
That sounds like a huge disconnect. Personally I could never be in a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my spirituality or political views. Seems like a basic for being on the same page in approaches to living and loving (and voting, of course heh).
Yup! My two sweeties are VERY compatible with me in these fundamental ways. And I with them. There's no way I could be in a serious relationship with
a person who was wildly different from me regards religion or life philosophy. Some difference is both fine and good. Radical, wild difference, not good.
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  #14  
Old 10-02-2011, 03:54 AM
bassman bassman is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
But your wife would see it as "fornication" and "adultery." You've got a tough row to hoe there... not sure someone so "Christian" could ever be open to taking another male lover. However, there is no condemnation of lesbian sex in the Bible... and technically, nothing wrong with a man having 2 "wives/concubines."
Yes Magdlyn, whilst it was fun for me, I began to think if it was possible to have fun without hurting people, so I began to look around at swinger's sites, etc, which led me to "ethical slut", and to here! And I am soooo glad I found you guys!


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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Yikes! There sure are some bad therapists out there. Similarly to you, after my ex and I opened our relationship, we lost our good therapist (she was open to poly, queer sex, homeschooling etc) due to us changing health insurance. When I told me new therapist I sometimes got crushes on others besides my husband, she told me married people "should not" get crushes. Needless to say I didn't go back to her again! Please keep looking for a better therapist, open to alternative ways of loving. They are out there.
Originally wanted to go to a sex therapist, (we actually know one), but wife refused :-(


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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Bummer!
Yeah, its temporary, though. Today she was disapointed that an acquaintance didnt invite her to an Ann Summers party. So, she still interested

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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
That sounds like a huge disconnect. Personally I could never be in a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my spirituality or political views. Seems like a basic for being on the same page in approaches to living and loving (and voting, of course heh).
Yeah, and I know its ME thats changed. When we met 13 years ago, I viewed the church as a harmless social club. But over the years Ive changed my view. This is another reason I suggested therapy, I wanted to get some help on what *I* could do to find a way co-exist with, what I feel, is the church running (and ruining) our lives.

I know one option is to leave, of course, but we have a 7 year old little boy, who I love sooooooo much!!! And we do have fun together as a family. ...so I cant very well just pack up and go?
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  #15  
Old 10-02-2011, 04:01 AM
bassman bassman is offline
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Originally Posted by River View Post
Yup! My two sweeties are VERY compatible with me in these fundamental ways. And I with them. There's no way I could be in a serious relationship with
a person who was wildly different from me regards religion or life philosophy. Some difference is both fine and good. Radical, wild difference, not good.
Yes, its really tough for me. She has people over regularly that share the christian views that I think are brainwashed into them. I have to sit around, and listen to their nonsense, and out of politeness (i'm really a nice guy ), I have to just remain silent.

Ive been getting better at being able to gently present a "different" viewpoint, without getting too outspoken, so thats good.

Being in the "think for yourself" camp, means, by its very nature, that others who think like me dont necessarliy attach ourselves to groups to have regular meetings
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  #16  
Old 10-02-2011, 01:43 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by bassman View Post
Originally wanted to go to a sex therapist, (we actually know one), but wife refused :-(
Gosh, a prudish fundie and an open minded horny atheist. Recipe for disaster!

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Yeah, its temporary, though. Today she was disapointed that an acquaintance didnt invite her to an Ann Summers party. So, she still interested
I don't know who Ann Summers is. Do you mean she was wanting a male acquaintance to invite her to a party (just her, not with her husband)??


Quote:
Yeah, and I know its ME thats changed. When we met 13 years ago, I viewed the church as a harmless social club. But over the years Ive changed my view. This is another reason I suggested therapy, I wanted to get some help on what *I* could do to find a way co-exist with, what I feel, is the church running (and ruining) our lives.

I know one option is to leave, of course, but we have a 7 year old little boy, who I love sooooooo much!!! And we do have fun together as a family. ...so I cant very well just pack up and go?
Hmmm... people do change and grow apart. I am the poster child for that. Met my ex at age 19 (him 21), lived together for 3 yrs, got married, separated after 30 years and 3 kids. We share spiritual and political beliefs, but grew apart in many other ways (I feel I grew more, gave more, and he stagnated in his neuroses [and our marriage counselor agreed!]).

I did kinda stick it out the last 10 yrs with him "for the kids" and for monetary reasons. I was a fulltime, homeschooling mom, we had a nice big house and yard, he made good money. So, I waited to break up til our kids were late teens/early 20s. Now I sometimes regret holding on those last 10 years though.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
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  #17  
Old 10-02-2011, 02:31 PM
bassman bassman is offline
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Ann Summers is a place over here to buy sex toys, lingerie, dvds etc.

Women have parties at their houses to sell this stuff. So it was a female friend who's invite she wanted. I'll do all I can to encourage that relationship!
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  #18  
Old 10-03-2011, 04:54 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
It's a benefit of being poly that a couple can at least flirt with others, and openly check out hot people on the street, with little to no jealousy. I know some mono people can also achieve this openness, but it seems kind of rare.
Not that rare to me. My ex and I were like that, and a lot of people we knew in our circle (all straight mono couples, openly flirty with others and "bringing it home"). But we also were part of a large group that used to take lots of relationship and communication workshops, so we weren't really all that uptight about certain things (within our mono world). We just considered it a sign of maturity and acceptance.
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  #19  
Old 10-03-2011, 08:39 AM
bassman bassman is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Not that rare to me. My ex and I were like that, and a lot of people we knew in our circle (all straight mono couples, openly flirty with others and "bringing it home"). But we also were part of a large group that used to take lots of relationship and communication workshops, so we weren't really all that uptight about certain things (within our mono world). We just considered it a sign of maturity and acceptance.
wife and I reached this very enjoyable plateau about 2 months ago. It was fun, and she was even sure to flash her cleavage, legs and panties around for attention, which I LOVED. And I could tell her my filthy fantasies involving all the lovely ladies around

We've back tracked now, but I hope we can get to that point again one of these days.
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  #20  
Old 10-10-2011, 11:28 AM
bassman bassman is offline
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Slowly getting back to that plateau,..... slowly...
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