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  #191  
Old 09-29-2011, 06:53 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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This thread makes me smile everytime it pops up.

All the books, and written theories, are so biased to the author`s natural inclinations. I kinda toss them out. If you want to gain a valuable, knowledgeable intepretation,..try it. Try it all.

Having been part of both 'worlds', I see many things. Some dictated by regional differences. Some dictated by club, or community outlooks.

I see fear-mongering by poly people towards what they think swinging is. Usually by people who haven never done it to any extent to truly form a valid opinion.

I also see the exact same thing with swinging. Swingers who think poly people are crazy, and foolish for letting things go 'so far'.

The truth is,..there are various aspects on both sides. In poly, you have folks new to it, who use DADT, and OPP rules, or stick to unicorns,.....This is usually a beginner phase, and people branch from there.

In swinging you have this too. People who start out with soft swing, refuse to see others more then once, refuse emotional involvement, and refuse to date separately.


*******

The most 'poly' relationship I ever had, was started 10 years ago, with 2 couples we met at swinger clubs.The 6 of us became 'exclusive swingers' and all enjoyed each others lives both in the bedroom and out. We supported each other emotionally, and sometimes physically, when a helping hand was needed. Our children were friends and had sleepovers. Feelings were most definitely a part of the equation. That lasted 1 1/2 years and 2 years, respectfully. I`ve not been able to find anything like it, since.

I find the biggest disservice to both sides, happens when you try to regulate what THE OTHER side is. "Poly people only love'......'Swingers only care about sex.'
' Poly people are scared of sex, and swingers are scared of emotions.'
Yay.
When this happens, you force people to choose. In the same manner a monogamous-world forces people to either be single, or be married.


Live and let live. Sheesh.
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  #192  
Old 09-29-2011, 07:15 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I find it amusing and enjoy watching when people on this forum cant seem to wrap their minds around the idea that someone can be in love with more than one person and still enjoy casual sex with someone they hardly know.
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  #193  
Old 09-29-2011, 07:26 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
This thread makes me smile every time it pops up.

All the books, and written theories, are so biased to the author`s natural inclinations. I kinda toss them out. If you want to gain a valuable, knowledgeable interpretation,..try it. Try it all.

Having been part of both 'worlds', I see many things. Some dictated by regional differences. Some dictated by club, or community outlooks.

I see fear-mongering by poly people towards what they think swinging is. Usually by people who haven never done it to any extent to truly form a valid opinion.

I also see the exact same thing with swinging. Swingers who think poly people are crazy, and foolish for letting things go 'so far'.

The truth is,..there are various aspects on both sides. In poly, you have folks new to it, who use DADT, and OPP rules, or stick to unicorns,.....This is usually a beginner phase, and people branch from there.

In swinging you have this too. People who start out with soft swing, refuse to see others more then once, refuse emotional involvement, and refuse to date separately.


*******

The most 'poly' relationship I ever had, was started 10 years ago, with 2 couples we met at swinger clubs 6 of us became 'exclusive swingers' and all enjoyed each others lives both in the bedroom and out. We supported each other emotionally, and sometimes physically, when a helping hand was needed. Our children were friends and had sleepovers. Feelings were most definitely a part of the equation. That lasted 1 1/2 years and 2 years, respectfully. I`ve not been able to find anything like it, since.

I find the biggest disservice to both sides, happens when you try to regulate what THE OTHER side is. "Poly people only love'......'Swingers only care about sex.'
' Poly people are scared of sex, and swingers are scared of emotions.'
Yay.
When this happens, you force people to choose. In the same manner a monogamous-world forces people to either be single, or be married.


Live and let live. Sheesh.
okay, now repeat that 5000 times

The thing is that both sides (and I hesitate to call it that as I don't see it as sides) need to process this and go through that. I did, I'm done and now see that its individual and not about choice but about letting YOURSELF live and let live just as much as leaving others to do the same.

To me it was about educating myself, processing my experience in terms of the triggers I had, ask questions and ask for patience while I asked questions, pushed the boundaries and worked it out. I am quite willing to support others while they do that. It would be my way to give back. At least until I am bored with the repetitive nature of this. But then most threads are repetitive and I am still here
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  #194  
Old 09-29-2011, 07:35 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
okay, now repeat that 5000 times
Ha ! I am surprised anyone understood my ramblings. I am sitting here on-hold, with a phone stuck in the crook of my neck. Decorated by my laptop, with my cat behind me, trying to turn my hair into her bedding.

She seems good at catching me with her nail, just as some new person puts me on hold,...again.

Last edited by SourGirl; 09-29-2011 at 07:35 PM. Reason: the cat made me stutter.
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  #195  
Old 10-01-2011, 03:38 AM
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I find it amusing and enjoy watching when people on this forum cant seem to wrap their minds around the idea that someone can be in love with more than one person and still enjoy casual sex with someone they hardly know.
Bravo! Well said!
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  #196  
Old 10-01-2011, 03:45 AM
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I think I'm somewhere in the middle of both worlds. I want to be free to have sex and relationships with people I care about. I don't want to sleep with people I don't care about. I want to be free to persue more than one relationship if I choose and I don't want to be told I can't have a relationship with someone else just because I'm seeing someone already. I want to be free to live and love and explore what life has to offer.
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  #197  
Old 08-21-2012, 03:30 PM
cuninglingwist cuninglingwist is offline
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Default swinging to polly is possible.

My girlfriend and I was swinging for years at a couples club that were mostly married, at first I dont think anyone cares about who is in a relationship with who, after a while you find you enjoy being with certain people, then you start to meet as a sub group say 6-8 couples at a hotel, all sitting around a big table having a light meal and drinks, girls talking about kids, jobs, men cars boats whatever just like everyday people, no one would ever guess we were swingers
and would be fucking our brains out within the hour, we looked to normal. all the guys were strait because I dont know of any girl that wants to be in a relationship or married to a gay guy but the girls were all unsuspecting bisexual before they started swinging, this was there night to let lose and eat all the smoothies they want for any reason while taking it from different guys, it was a lot of erotic fun for all, we discussed and acted upon being tested and showing our slips of paper, and yes we did enjoy being with the same people even though a couple would intro a new couple as much as a couple would drop out due to other commitments, other couples would break up for various reasons, but not because of swinging, some would ask if she could come with us as a three some, in these situations the guys need to rest up for a while, this was an ideal time for the girls to do their bi thing, girls seam to be so much more natural, sensual and passionate among themselves and noisy to, once we had a cop knocking on the door of our suit, told us to keep the noise down, at first we freaked! then laughed our asses off. we became close friends outside of the sex, if we needed a service of any kind we would rather see our swinging friends benifit from it than none swinging friends, the dictionary says "friend" is to know someone intimatly, but many people call themselves friends that are not, I find those people come and go, but intimate friendships seem to care more and last longer even though they may move away, I think swinging is excellent for none controling openminded people, however if you have a couple where one is openminded and happy with it and the other is closed minded and jealous thats a big red flag. I think swinging is a good starter for people wanting a polly situation, it seems to remove the fear and make it more natural to be intimate with another person or couple with your primary present, seeing my bisexual girlfriend go down on a girl or guy gave me an emence sence of pride in her as a caring sensual human being, she felt the same way seeing me with another girl, coressing or verbally urging her on to completion. however I think people in polly must be prepared to deal with all the issues of all the people as a group, the less mental baggage and the more financial responcibillity + more loving and caring within the group. Imagine four people having each their own home with housing food and utility cost of say $2,500 a month each or $10,000 collectivly, now they all move in together where cost are equally shared each could bank about $1,250 a month just from savings in housing cost, however the oposite can end up a mental nightmare of problems for those that are not financially or mentally ready for polly. the way this country is going its becoming financially impossible
for couples to keep their own home, im thinking of buying a large repo home (so cheap), and starting a polly clan, I think you are going to see more polly clans in the future and wouldent rule out inter breeding within the clan.
just my two cents, thanks for reading.
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  #198  
Old 08-21-2012, 05:09 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Coming at this from the "other" side, I just wanted to add my comments.

I have a different definition of swinging then what is commonly used here. In my community, swinging is a _couple's_ activity. It's something that the couple does together, frequently in the same room. So it does not include having extramarital sex partners that the couple sees on their own.

I am not a swinger. I don't like having that label applied to me. I do see men outside my marriage for primarily sexual purposes since I have a very high sex drive and my H travels a lot for his work. He does not see other women, so by definition there, we aren't swingers, nor do we have an open relationship. I am a hotwife.

So the plan was just for recreational sex... but then I fell in love with one of my FWB. It's been intensely rewarding and I'm glad that we have an open, loving relationship, but I could never do this with any more men! I don't think I have the emotional time or energy to deal with any more "real" relationships the way I like to. However, I certainly do have room in my life for casual, sex based relationships.

I like sex. It's pleasurable and fun, and I always feel great afterwards. I don't see anything wrong with just having some physical enjoyment with a man I may not know very well but have attraction to. I also don't think it makes me "less" of a person, or lacking self respect, or anything like that. I'm just a fan of, if it feels good (and doesn't hurt anyone), then do it.
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  #199  
Old 08-21-2012, 05:51 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Vicki82 View Post
He does not see other women, so by definition there, we aren't swingers, nor do we have an open relationship.
Really? I can't imagine your relationship being described as "closed" if you have sex with other people. I always figured that "open" meant "open to more partners", and that would make you open. Don't have to be open on both sides to be open.
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  #200  
Old 08-21-2012, 06:13 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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You know what, as long as you know what you do and don't like, and as long as folks don't assume that their definition of a word is the same as anyone elses, who cares what you call it?
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