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  #11  
Old 09-27-2011, 01:23 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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RP, "What can one do?"

I think a written warning may help express the seriousness of the ethics breakdown and also a platform to help layout the proper information. Perhaps getting others in the community to sign the warning letter will help show the solidarity of the community....also it acts as an ethics committee if one doesn't already exist.
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  #12  
Old 09-27-2011, 01:24 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Yes, this is true. It all depends on the set of standards (ethics) in place within a specific culture or community. Everyone has their own unique sense of ethics.
True. However I doubt that lying to people can ever be called ethical, and this seems to be the biggest "ethical violation" I see people doing to each other (in monogamous or poly relationships).

It's like people think disclosure and honesty is all great to a point-- until something comes up that they want to do that they think (real or not) they "shouldn't", they do it anyway and then are too chicken to man up about it.
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  #13  
Old 09-27-2011, 02:57 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
RP, "What can one do?"

I think a written warning may help express the seriousness of the ethics breakdown and also a platform to help layout the proper information. Perhaps getting others in the community to sign the warning letter will help show the solidarity of the community....also it acts as an ethics committee if one doesn't already exist.


And no talking during the fire drill.
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  #14  
Old 09-27-2011, 03:54 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
True. However I doubt that lying to people can ever be called ethical, and this seems to be the biggest "ethical violation" I see people doing to each other (in monogamous or poly relationships).
Sometimes lying isn't exactly unethical. Ever try planning a surprise party?
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  #15  
Old 09-27-2011, 04:29 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Sometimes lying isn't exactly unethical. Ever try planning a surprise party?

LOL got me on that one.
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  #16  
Old 09-27-2011, 04:39 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Geez, if this ( gossip becoming someones way of 'upholding' ethical non-monogamy ) ever becomes the norm, nobody is EVER going to tell me the secret handshake.
So,..be careful who you shame. Be careful who you feel isn`t holding up to your personal, ethical standards.
It is a slippery slope deciding who is a lying scumbag, and who isn`t holding up your own personal truths.


- If someone says 'Owhh I think _____ is dreamy ! What do you think ?'
Tell them you think he`s a lying idiot. Maybe with tact, if you aren`t a fan of fireworks. This is a opinion. Just expect to deal with people who don`t like your opinion.

- If you corner a person and tell them you think what they are doing is unethical, or they are with someone unethical, then this is unsolicited advice. Sometimes useful, sometimes not. Also, expect some probability of fireworks.

- If you simply SEE someone engaging with someone you don`t like, ( or even worse, tell something based on hearsay ) and you mention it to a friend of their`s, hoping it will get back to them,...this is gossip. This is a good way to have people stop trusting you, and losing respect for you.


The subject does not matter. It does not matter if you are the little old lady down the road, condemning people for not following the path of the christian bible, or a woman in the new-age condemning people for not following the 'bible' of ethical non-monogamy.

It`s all in the delivery. Regardless, you take responsibility for your actions, because you are basing things off your own, personal truths.
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  #17  
Old 09-27-2011, 05:18 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Neon,

Great point ....absolutely no talking during the fire drills...however that stern warning letter would come from the health and safety committee. I like the fact you're tough but fair ...and here's where that really plays out. Thank you.


Sourgirl

Whats wrong with you ....how many times do we have to show you the GD hand shake ...come on pay attention....last time until you get written up. Your file is gettin pretty thick as is.


And to the bulk of your comments .....Could we get an AMEN sister. Very fiery you go girl.....you rock!
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  #18  
Old 09-27-2011, 06:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post


Sourgirl

Whats wrong with you ....how many times do we have to show you the GD hand shake ...come on pay attention....last time until you get written up. Your file is gettin pretty thick as is.
And to the bulk of your comments .....Could we get an AMEN sister. Very fiery you go girl.....you rock!
Well I have this buzzer stuck to my hand, it keeps zapping people.

Shhhhhhhh !!!!!! No telling people I rock.
Well ok, maybe just this once.

Thank you.
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  #19  
Old 09-28-2011, 05:42 AM
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Thanks for the posts. They were mostly helpful. I recognize that is it hard to answer because of the vagueness of what I said. Sorry about that, but because of the topic and where I was at at the time I felt I needed to be.

NYCindie, you were the closest to helping me out, I appreciate it.

It's a matter of someone's behaviour being seen as unethical by a group of people who want to do something about the lesson learned in a general way and have asked me to be involved. I have given them my answer and explained where I am at with it all. I would prefer to incorporate what I personally have learned and trust that others do the same, including those directly involved. Its not my business.

now to go about the long process of what I have learned and figuring out how to use it.

Thanks... ethics are a funny thing to deal with and yes, subjective...
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  #20  
Old 09-28-2011, 04:13 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Hmm. As to whether something is gossip or not - there is a ton of hypothetical what if-situations we could come up with, whereas everyone needs to make their own decisions in real life, but I would say that if I suspect serious harm might occur were I not to meddle, I would go and meddle and face the allegation of being a gossip rather than watch someone getting seriously hurt.

Hypothetical examples; a friend of mine had a bad experience of forced sex with person x, which they shared with me in confidence, and now another friend is excited about going on a first date with person x; or someone I know has disclosed to me that they are afraid they have HIV but are too scared to go get themselves tested, and I know they don't use condoms with their partners.
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