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  #101  
Old 09-17-2011, 05:51 PM
Yosemite Yosemite is offline
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That is indeed what I meant; in fact, it is the integral part of it for me. I supposed that would be called a 'polyfi triad', based on my recent googling!
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  #102  
Old 09-17-2011, 06:27 PM
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  #103  
Old 09-20-2011, 02:29 AM
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Ideally... which until five years ago I wouldn't have even understood nor brought up the subject... ideally... it's almost impossible and I assume as much for most people whatever sexually/gender/categorized inclined... I wish I understood the family dynamics that could be enhanced in a poly-amorous lifestyle while my children were young... thankfully, they grew up in a multicultural household and so still had the support of multiple family members that came and went freely.

...as my children's father and I went our separate ways I began to explore things in life... my own wants and needs (becoming selfish to an extent that I wanted to finally be happy) and unfortunately it took me until now to realize that what could be better than two mothers, two fathers, four people loving each other, caring, sharing, giving advice, taking care of the young ones. Not even necessarily parents, but friends... ideally this is what I want... a female friend I can call my sister and two males that I can consider my best friends in life, sexually and family-wise... I know it's possible, I just don't know if in this lifetime or the next 20 lifetimes that this coordination of personalities could ever occur... yeah, I expect a lot and that's kinda' why I'm not even sure that I'm poly-amorous... I just know that personally I have more love to give than to just one person, I love my mate, but sometimes I just wonder. ...and that may be all it is... I'll probably never know.
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  #104  
Old 09-22-2011, 03:57 PM
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lemniscate lemniscate is offline
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Honestly, and while I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I am proud and delighted to say that I am living my ideal relationship/s. I actually have all my needs met and am enjoying helping others meet their needs. This might seem braggy... but oh well! If your life is great, be loud and proud I say!

These are the things that I have in my love life that I consider ideal for me personally.

1) A familiar, strong, loving marriage with my husband. My husband is definitely a soul mate for me (I do believe there can be more than one). We balance each other out emotionally and mentally. He inspires me to be the best I can, is completely honest, encouraging, and loving; but never takes any BS. We encourage each other's relationships and we grow together.

2) Balance. I have a relationship with a married couple who are the easiest people to get along with that I have ever met in my entire life. We are a team, truly, and we enjoy each other very much. It's fairly new and exciting, but also familiar. We felt like we knew each other forever when we met. We, all of us, my husband, his girlfriend, my boyfriend and my lady partner's boyfriend, etc; all complement each other's hobbies and activities, and we have good balance with our schedules and lives. Also, boyfriend and his wife are kinky, and so am I. My vanilla husband is happy because I have an outlet for those sorts of activities.

3) Great sex! To be blunt, I love sex. I have sex at least once a day because I LOVE it. My husband and I both work from home, and we do take sex breaks during the day because we just truly enjoy being close to each other, and it feels awesome. I have PERFECT physical chemistry with both my husband and boyfriend, and making love with them is exquisite and ecstatic. I also have the opportunity to make love with my boyfriend's wife, which is although a different experience, it is no less ecstatic, and provides the balance that I crave as a bisexual human being. This is perhaps TMI, but I get completely and utterly squishy wet from just being in the same room as these people, and it feels awesome.

4) Other people's great sex. Knowing that my partners are getting sexual fulfillment from each other is beautiful. Admittedly, I'm not too involved in the sex life of my husband and his girlfriend (she's a nice lady, and I like her, just not attracted to her, and that's okay, I'm glad they're happy!), but I love to watch my boyfriend and his wife make love with each other. It's extremely lovely.

5) Kids / Parenting. I love kids. I don't have any of my own, but I really enjoy my boyfriend's kids. They are so smart and beautiful and inspiring to hang out with. Going places with kids makes everything new again because even the smallest bug or rock is fascinating to them. They are completely full of joy, and it's catching! I also, if I choose, have the opportunity to make children with my boyfriend, but we're not really sure at this point what we want to do, due to my health, and other circumstances. As I mentioned in my intro, I'm going through a miscarriage right now actually, and so that's all pretty raw at the moment. Thank goodness I have such a great support system.

6) Best Friends! I consider my partners and their partners to be my best friends. We have fun together, and I love sharing activities with them, and I love that I can introduce them to all my other friends and they all get along. Yay.

7) Eventual awesome living arrangements. We are planning to move in with my boyfriend and his family at some point in the future, and I think it's going to be amazing.

8) Setting a good example. I like to think that we set a good example for others wanting to be poly, and we make polyamory look good. I have a lot of friends ranging from quite conservative Christian folks who are fairly right wing to uber liberal Pagan, etc etc; and it's important to me that they see being poly in a good light. We're all certainly not perfect, but even if there's a disagreement, we do our best to work it out in a way that benefits everyone.

9) Stability and consistency. We find patterns and techniques that work for us all, and we strive to maintain them. If something stops working, we find another way to do it, and we maintain a stable healthy relationship with everyone involved.

10) Honesty, openness and communication. This one is a given.
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  #105  
Old 09-27-2011, 07:50 AM
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miltownkid miltownkid is offline
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Default My "Ultimate" Poly Situation

Since I really don't have anywhere else that I could share this online, I'm sharing it with you guys and gals. A situation happened this weekend with my girlfriend that reignited my poly flame and I got to thinking "What would my 'dream' situation look like?"

WARNING - I'm a "king of the jungle" type of male. Don't judge me! lol

This actually came to me in a vision more than me thinking about it. After the vision came I thought about it and was like "Yeah, that'd be pretty sweet!" I'm not sure if I had an ideal situation in mind back when I "discovered" I was polyamorous.

What I'd want is 3 to... maybe 5 (Who knows what numbers would work and not work, there isn't enough literature and scientific testing done on polyamorous relationships to know, one can only guess) girlfriends who protect my sanity.

It wouldn't be about group sex or... anything like that. They would be the guardians of my mind and time and in exchange get to live in my house on the lake (it's my dream! lol)

If a girl was ever interested in joining the group, she would have to be interviewed and seen to "add value" to our situation.

That would allow me to be a mad scientist and focus on my projects all day while they shop or something. They could actually even have whatever sorts of relationships they want (I assume 1 or more would be interested in relating with me). As there would be 3-5 (or whatever) of them monitoring each other, they would make sure the relationships were of the value producing kind.

I suppose the trick would be getting to that first 3... Actually I need to get to that house on the lake first...

Yeah... That'd be just right.
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  #106  
Old 09-27-2011, 10:14 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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"monitoring each other to make sure they are value-producing"?

You're joking, right? Because i'm laughing at this.
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  #107  
Old 09-27-2011, 10:48 AM
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miltownkid miltownkid is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
"monitoring each other to make sure they are value-producing"?

You're joking, right? Because i'm laughing at this.
No. It's OK to laugh, I'd probably laugh too. I know feelings and such are hard (some would say impossible) to quantify mathematically, but it's the way I view the world.

I suppose I could have worded it better... The way I see it, things and people in your life either add or takeaway "value." I've never rated the "value add" of a girlfriend very high (economically), but the return emotionally is usually worth it.

I don't think there are a lot of people that view the world the way I do... lol

Whether people admit it or not they're all "running numbers" on the situations in their lives. It's unfortunate that the "only" number/currency we're proficient at measuring is money when in reality there are several currencies at play in any given situation (which I guess is the focus of [Behavioral Economics], I'm just getting into it).

That mixed with another book I'd like to consume (The Third Chimpanzee) should really make you laugh. I wish I could quote the study, but it had something to do with relationship between wealth and cheating/infidelity (I do not condone cheating/infidelity, but that says something...) For a lot of people economics keep them together more than the strength of their relationships do.

I would imagine that the polyamorous lifestyle would be a tad easier to pull off with deeper pockets. I mean... aren't financial issues the leading cause of breakup/divorce of monogamous couples (or is that an urban legend). I imagine it puts similar of not greater pressure on polyamorous ones (why is A spending so much money on C and not on B?)

All I'm saying is that if I had a house on the lake and the right amount of money I think I could pull it off. I mean... look at Tiger Woods! What's his count up to now? lol
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  #108  
Old 09-27-2011, 01:24 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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"I would imagine that the polyamorous lifestyle would be a tad easier to pull off with deeper pockets."

Definitely, in the sort of the scenario you described above where one man provides for multiple women who shop all day. But in most real-life scenarios where multiple polys live together, everyone provides for the solvency of the whole whether with jobs or with childcare (which is *expensive* if you have to pay an outside person to do it) and it seems to me like it'd actually be cheaper to maintain a household that way.
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  #109  
Old 09-27-2011, 03:00 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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The thing is, i don't leave it to other people to determine who adds "value" to my life. I prefer to decide that for myself.

And this bit about women " monitoring" each other for your benefit... Just too ridiculous for words.

So now that i know you're not joking i'll make sure i'm not either.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 09-27-2011 at 03:06 PM.
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  #110  
Old 09-27-2011, 04:12 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miltownkid View Post

WARNING - I'm a "king of the jungle" type of male. Don't judge me! lol
Thank you for the warning. My eyes bleeding was my own fault.


Quote:
Originally Posted by miltownkid View Post
What I'd want is 3 to... maybe 5 (Who knows what numbers would work and not work, there isn't enough literature and scientific testing done on polyamorous relationships to know, one can only guess) girlfriends who protect my sanity.
Dewd, that`s kinda your job, much like washing your own balls.Though I am guessing you wouldn`t be doing that either......


Quote:
Originally Posted by miltownkid View Post
If a girl was ever interested in joining the group, she would have to be interviewed and seen to "add value" to our situation.
Fan-fuckin-tastic. I agree that everyone does this to some degree, and it`s nice when it`s a openly agreed upon thing. I think your wording gives the creepy vibe though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by miltownkid View Post
That would allow me to be a mad scientist and focus on my projects all day while they shop or something. They could actually even have whatever sorts of relationships they want (I assume 1 or more would be interested in relating with me). As there would be 3-5 (or whatever) of them monitoring each other, they would make sure the relationships were of the value producing kind.
Well the problem is, the type of women that want to shop all the time, and just be sexual, committed women, happily part of your harem, are not going to be real interested in being responsible for your sanity, or washing your balls. I doubt they`ll even listen to you rant at length, without tuning your shit out. (After NRE is over.) Just sayin'.

When you say you would allow these women to have their own relationships, what do you mean by this ?
With each other ?
Or, other people outside the group, men and women ?

Maybe I have you wrong then. Earlier quotes from you, seemed to suggest to me this image of Warren Jeffs, except the women have more fashion sense,( they damn well better have good clothing, with all that shopping ! ) and you have done away with the pesky religious-zealot angle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by miltownkid View Post
I suppose the trick would be getting to that first 3... Actually I need to get to that house on the lake first...
That part should be easy. Seriously ! If you have the right charisma, these situations tend to fall into laps. There was a user here by the name of 'Happiestmanalive' . I think he could mentor you. He was ( I think) the only male here, who was in relationships, with a house full of women. He could explain the headaches and the hard-ons.

Good luck !
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