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  #51  
Old 08-18-2011, 03:19 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Although 3 adults can happily live as a family under one roof it is rare that they will all be equally in love with each other. There may very well be love in all directions but be prepared that you may not all feel romantic love for each other.
This is such an important point! Families don't need romantic love to hold them together. And romantic love, too, comes in different shapes and sizes.

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Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
i also agree to look separately. i wonder if it would be easier for f/f couple to find a good man?
Not necessarily. While there probably is a larger pool of unattached straight/bisexual men out there interested in a fmf triad, the likelihood of mutual attraction happening at the same time in all directions remains small.

Take VanillaIce and me. Whereas she craves male companionship, I don't; in a sense she is bisexual while I'm homoflexible. So there would be the challenge of us finding a man I would find interesting enough to engage with on a romantic basis. Add to that the fact that we are attracted to very different things in a man; she prefers bad boys while I delight in men who have stereotypically femine pursuits or traits. And even if we were to find a chameleon of a man who is switch enough (personality-wise, not in a BDSM sense) to fit into our dynamique, he would still have to find us both attractive, interesting and worth his while to pursue.

Vanilla is funkily enough FWBs with my male partner Moonlightrunner. Whereas with Vanilla, I have this head-over-heels NRE thing going on, with Moonlight we settled very quickly in to a lot more established energy. I used to be in a triad with Moonlight and his wife Windflower, to whom I nowadays feel the loving care and concern I would towards a friend. Just because it's not the Hollywood romance times three doesn't mean it can't be great.
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  #52  
Old 09-25-2011, 01:01 PM
Barre Barre is offline
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Default My girlfriend's a unicorn!

Hi everyone. So, the title says it all really. My wonderful girlfriend has a loving relationship with another couple.

I'd love to hear some perspectives or anecdotes on this topic. Be it from someone in my position or from the unicorn's position or from the other couples position.

I fully support her and have gotten over the inevitable jealousy, well mostly
I would also like some advice about becoming closer with the couple myself. I know this may not be feasible but it is something i'd like.

Thank you and peace and love to you all.
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  #53  
Old 09-25-2011, 01:02 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Welcome to the board.

Try doing a tag search on "unicorn" here. Or "triad."
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (42, M) since Oct 2015 (he has recently downgraded us to friends)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
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  #54  
Old 09-25-2011, 02:42 PM
Barre Barre is offline
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Thanks for the welcome

I took your advice and read through almost everything tagged "unicorn" but didn't find much from anyone in my situation. I'm new to the poly lifestyle and would appreciate some advice.

Thanks again.
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  #55  
Old 09-25-2011, 03:31 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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OK. So you have read others' stories about being either a couple with a single bi female unicorn, or being the unicorn oneself.

You want advice about being the partner of a woman who is involved with a couple. You want to get closer to them. What does this mean?

I think we'd need more information. How long has your gf been with her couple? How involved is she (are all 3 deeply in love or is it early NRE days)? Does she see them regularly? How long have you and gf been together? Is this both of your first foray into being poly? Have you socialized with her couple at all yet? Or not even talked to them yet?
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (42, M) since Oct 2015 (he has recently downgraded us to friends)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
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  #56  
Old 09-25-2011, 04:10 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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A Unicorn has to be in a CLOSED (polyfidelitous) triad with the pre-existing couple. Your girlfriend is not a unicorn by definition.
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  #57  
Old 09-25-2011, 06:13 PM
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lemniscate lemniscate is offline
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I agree with NeonKaos; an actual unicorn would be someone who only dates that particular couple, no one else. I also date a couple, but I'm married to a man I love, therefore, I'm not a unicorn. I just happen to date two people who happen to be married to each other. Thus, I am not good for advice from a "unicorn's" perspective, but if you're curious about anything relating to a woman, dating a married couple, I'll be happy to oblige. What do you specifically want to know?

Last edited by lemniscate; 09-25-2011 at 06:16 PM.
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  #58  
Old 10-27-2011, 08:41 AM
newpolyguy newpolyguy is offline
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Question the unicorn search (please don't judge!)

I am rather new to poly, though my girlfriend is experienced in the lifestyle. We are a deeply committed couple; I am 34 (m), she is 24. She is bisexual, while I (unfortunately) am not. We allow each other intimacy with approved partners outside of our “primary-ness” (boys and girls for her, just girls for me obviously). We are picky about our secondaries and don’t get involved with just anyone — we have pretty clear rules about that kind of thing — and as a result we find amazing secondary partners for the most part, all of whom have inevitably become good friends with both of us. Needless to say, the trust factor is pretty high.

But our mutual favorite is the Unicorn … and she IS elusive, isn’t she? We've had a hell of a time finding a third, and we absolutely love triads. We have had two wonderful experiences with unicorns, but unfortunately none that lasted long. One turned out to be a serial monogamist who pretended well, but was actually in between bad relationships and dumped us for her new boyfriend (whom we had unwittingly encouraged her to pursue). The other woman, who is truly the “real deal” and is as crazy about us as we are about her, lives across the country and can’t move away easily (she has kids). C’est la vie.

But we persist in our quest! Our acceptance level is high and our expectations are low. We don’t care too much about age, ethnicity, lifestyle, or any kind of poly-fidelity as it were. We care about trust, communication, and love … and strongly believe in encouraging independence in our third partner as much as we encourage independence with each other. And includes her finding a committed primary of her own if that’s her desire (though hopefully we could be included somehow in the equation!).

So my question: how can we find someone compatible without seeming creepy and/or overly-demanding?
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  #59  
Old 10-27-2011, 08:45 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newpolyguy View Post
She is bisexual, while I (unfortunately) am not.
Wow, I don't think I have ever heard "unfortunately" in terms of not being bisexual. Most would say, "fortunately." Awesome that you see it that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by newpolyguy View Post
We have had two wonderful experiences with unicorns, but unfortunately none that lasted long.
Seems to be common amongst unicorns that they are not a long term arrangement. Not to say that it doesn't happen, just that it is rare. I have found from listening here (if one could call reading listening that is) that they are usually in between relationships, unable to take care of themselves financially or emotionally or both and are looking to be with the man as an end result; in a "vee." There are triads that work and work well... it seems that the ones that do evolved out of friendships over time and circumstance. Perhaps you are taking the wrong approach and should look for poly friends without intent to date, but just see what happens. The worst case scenario would be you would develop a lovely community of friends around you.... not to bad I would think. Best case might be finding a suitable partner for a triad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by newpolyguy View Post
We don’t care too much about age, ethnicity, lifestyle, or any kind of poly-fidelity as it were. We care about trust, communication, and love … and strongly believe in encouraging independence in our third partner as much as we encourage independence with each other. And includes her finding a committed primary of her own if that’s her desire (though hopefully we could be included somehow in the equation!).
You should stead very well with these expectations. By the definition of unicorn, this is not the criteria for one. Unicorns are poly-fi.... but whatever, you have obviously thought this out well and learned what you are looking for. If you are into semantics then I would say you are looking to find a third for a triad rather than a unicorn. It might help to put that out there instead so that others who know the term don't think you want poly-fi.

Quote:
So my question: how can we find someone compatible without seeming creepy and/or overly-demanding?
Well, just don't be creepy and overly-demanding! Seriously, I would think that if you just sit back, relax. Make some friends. Enjoy who comes into your life and might go from your life. See where you go when you put what you want out there, but realize that it might take time.

Doors open when they are ready to in my experience with this. Forcing it doesn't seem to warrant success and seems to actually prohibit success. It sounds to me like everyone you have both dated has taught you something that will add to what you will eventually receive if you ask for it. Be careful what you ask for though, it might be that you are better off with what you get. How does the song go? "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need."(Rolling Stones) That has been my motto for years and I am living in a happy functioning vee with two other partners on top of that as a result (in my belief anyway). Never thought I would get here, but enjoyed the journey! "Life is a journey, not a destination".... there is another one for you.
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Last edited by ImaginaryIllusion; 10-27-2011 at 10:44 PM.
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  #60  
Old 10-27-2011, 11:55 PM
arianne arianne is offline
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I'm currently in a triad relationship (yep, the unicorn) and it wasn't something I went searching for. I've known the couple I'm dating for over 3 years now... it maybe wasn't a natural evolution from friendship but the friendship helped us form a solid foundation.

I guess I also don't fall into the typical "unicorn" mold... I came out of a relationship but wasn't really in-between relationships (the previous relationship was more of a non-relationship) and I'm definitely financially and emotionally stable.

Oddly I'd probably be perfectly happy in a mono relationship too.
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adding a partner, attitude, expectations, love, one penis policy, opp, polyamory, polyfidelity, triad, truth, unicorn, unicorn definition, unicorn hunters, unicorn hunting, unicorns

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