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  #21  
Old 09-24-2011, 03:18 PM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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Yes, I agree she is breaking boundaries. Broken boundaries increase jealousy. Firm agreed upon and acted upon boundaries increase trust and compersion.

She doesn't even sound polyamorous to me, but more into "poly-fuckery," which is fine, but call it like it is. She must be a cute, flirty, sexy girl into drinking and partying, and boys are drawn to her like moths to flame. No doubt it's fun for her, the ego strokes, the sexual stimulation, the tipsiness, the dancing. The NRE.

Does this suit you?
Haha, no she's not like that. She is cute and aggressive on dates, but not much of a partier or drinker (at least not that I know of). She meets all these boys through OkC, and they are all ostensibly poly or open themselves. And dates usually don't go this well. She's usually a bit disappointed upon meeting them, but still interested enough to see them again. I don't remember the last time she had sex with someone else, months ago, but she's been on a lot of dates and has guys messaging her and texting her constantly.

If only she took things more slowly and put my feelings first and didn't get defensive when she breaks boundaries, I would be ok, and maybe even happy, with all of it.

Also if I had dates of my own.
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  #22  
Old 09-24-2011, 06:23 PM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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She doesn't even sound polyamorous to me, but more into "poly-fuckery," which is fine, but call it like it is.
Ok, actually there's probably some truth to that. On her date with guy A the other day he was talking about how he was in a V and not a triad, and she didn't know what that meant and asked me about it afterwards, not even remembering the terms. I've been interested in poly for a long time, so I'm familiar with how a lot of it "works" despite never doing it before. In her past life she cheated on a lot of boys, but wants to be legitimately non-monogamous. She refers to the other boys as "less than boyfriends but more than lovers".
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  #23  
Old 09-24-2011, 10:53 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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As expected, her "running into him" was more like "we were texting all night and decided to meet up at 3 am, which I normally would never do because it's so late, but I was drunk".
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...no she's not like that. She is cute and aggressive on dates, but not much of a partier or drinker (at least not that I know of).
Hmmm...
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  #24  
Old 09-25-2011, 12:57 AM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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Hmmm...
Haha seriously. She's only done this twice in the year that we've been dating...

Wait... That sounds worse. Sigh.

No but seriously, you've got the wrong idea, she doesn't drink or party much. This was a special event with coworkers. The guy is unrelated to the drinking. They really hit it off on the first date compared to other guys, she was drunk last night and he was texting her while she was out drinking and they decided to meet up after. She's not dancing and picking up guys at bars. They're poly/open OkCupid people. He *is* open/poly, and does know about us, and was respectful of our no-sex-yet rule, and she was mad at me for not remembering, but seriously I can't remember every detail of every guy she talks about. I felt threatened by the other guy, not this one. This one seemed incompatible.

I'm at her place now, she knows I'm upset and is super affectionate to try to reassure me that nothing bad is going to happen to us. It's kind of bad that I can't stay mad at her, but kind of good? It's like when a kitten barfs on the carpet and you can't stay mad at it. I guess it's good. We can talk about how I feel in a less emotional way so it doesn't blow up into a fight. But if I were upset she would take it more seriously?
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  #25  
Old 09-25-2011, 06:25 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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It's like when a kitten barfs on the carpet and you can't stay mad at it.
I love your analogy. You certainly have a way with words! From your other thread:
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Instead of "Buckle up, it's the law" they should say "Buckle up or your head will go through the windshield".
Your cleverness comes through loud and clear and is a pleasure to read!
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  #26  
Old 09-25-2011, 09:27 PM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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I love your analogy. You certainly have a way with words! From your other thread:

Your cleverness comes through loud and clear and is a pleasure to read!
Aw, fanks!



We talked a lot about this stuff. Hopefully she understands why I was upset. She is good at discussing things calmly and respectfully and being overcompensatingly affectionate. Says that this night with the new guy was just "an extension of the first date" two days prior, and they didn't do anything they hadn't already done then, and were both respectful of our rules, so she thought I would be ok with it. Plans were to "maybe" go to his place Monday, but she offered to postpone it until after we see each other again if I'm not comfortable with that yet.

Last edited by cuddlecakes; 09-25-2011 at 09:35 PM.
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