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Old 09-24-2011, 02:34 PM
cuddlecakes cuddlecakes is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near NYC
Posts: 32
Default Alternatives to making "rules"

I have been interested in poly for a decade or so, but only in an officially poly relationship for the last year. We've made 4 official rules, but then dozens of other "potential rules" or "guidelines" or something. She has broken these lesser rules a few times and it resulted in fights.

What are the consequences of breaking rules?

I feel like if you're not going to break up over rule-breaking (and I probably wouldn't unless it was really egregious), then what's the point in having them? They aren't binding, they have no teeth. It's more an expression of what you want than something that must be done.

I feel like maybe there's a different way to make an agreement rather than "rules". Or we can state principles or something. Like agree on a rationale for some action that makes us unhappy, and why.

Like some people have this anti-authority bent that causes them to want to break the law just to get back at The Man, and it's better if the law were stated in a different way. Instead of "Buckle up, it's the law" they should say "Buckle up or your head will go through the windshield". I want to write down the "Why" behind the rules somehow
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Tags
boundaries, boundary negotiation, casual sex, rules vs boundaries, self esteem

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