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  #21  
Old 09-21-2011, 07:37 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Tara Brach's book, Radical Acceptance, is the best medicine I've seen for this in my whole life. I can't recommend that book, and also her podcasts, enough. (Those podcasts are called "Audio Talks" on her website.):

www.tarabrach.com
Interestingly, I just purchased her audio CD "Radical Self-Acceptance" this past weekend and have been listening to it.

I really connect with what she says, and so far it is very much helping me change my mindset and get more mindful in general (something I need very badly for many reasons).

I'll definitely check out the link though!!
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  #22  
Old 09-21-2011, 07:43 PM
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River River is offline
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True contentment has a lot more to do with accepting yourself, as is, even as you seek to be the best self you are.
Yes. And contentment is a kind of happiness, and is pleasurable -- as in bodily so. Contentment is part of the spectrum of happiness. That's how I see it.

Acceptance is such a profound inquiry. One can have self and other acceptance and still desire and work toward change. In fact, change comes much more easily when there is acceptance(!).

One of my greatest personal obstacles has been accepting the world situation--, politically / socially / environmentally / ecologically..., and getting past resentment about it. But I have decided that I need a light heart to do the work I want to do to help the world situation. So I am working on lightening my heart. And I laugh a lot more lately, and cry more, and smile more, and express much more joy and peace and pain and sorrow.

Call me River.
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  #23  
Old 09-21-2011, 07:48 PM
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River River is offline
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Interestingly, I just purchased her audio CD "Radical Self-Acceptance" this past weekend and have been listening to it.

I really connect with what she says, and so far it is very much helping me change my mindset and get more mindful in general (something I need very badly for many reasons).

I'll definitely check out the link though!!
Yay!

She has hours and hours of "Audio Talks" for free on her website! Yay! And her book is fantastic. I've given many copies away to friends and they all report that the book is fantastically helpful to them.

And, no, her publishing company has not hired me to say this stuff!
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  #24  
Old 09-21-2011, 07:59 PM
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River River is offline
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She is such a super duper supportive person, and has known me so long and seen me fall apart and be a mess and then tells me how much she loves me and how well I'm doing. LOL. That's a true friend!!
Judging by the post in which this excerpt is found, I'll agree with your super duper friend on how well you are doing. You're doing precisely what you need to do to grow and heal. It's obvious. And it is inspiring to see.
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Old 09-21-2011, 08:07 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Judging by the post in which this excerpt is found, I'll agree with your super duper friend on how well you are doing. You're doing precisely what you need to do to grow and heal. It's obvious. And it is inspiring to see.
Thanks River. I'm feeling like I'm closer to being at least going the right direction. I'm learning a lot. Including the fact that I don't know as much as I think I do.

I went to tara's website and I'm listening to one of her audio talks about fear: http://www.tarabrach.com/audio/2011-...-TaraBrach.mp3

And she says this:

"If you are constantly attacking yourself in some way it's fear. It's like if I don't keep attacking myself and judging myself I'll never get better enough to be embraced by other beings."

This is two sentences describing my entire life.

Time to stop and try something new.
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  #26  
Old 09-21-2011, 08:30 PM
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I'm feeling like I'm closer to being at least going the right direction.
It certainly seems you are to me, and that "direction" is toward here, and this -- just as it is, arrival and dwelling in your own life, just as it is, only without so much of the sense that you're insufficient or inadequate.

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Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
I went to tara's website and I'm listening to one of her audio talks about fear: http://www.tarabrach.com/audio/2011-...-TaraBrach.mp3

And she says this:

"If you are constantly attacking yourself in some way it's fear. It's like if I don't keep attacking myself and judging myself I'll never get better enough to be embraced by other beings."

This is two sentences describing my entire life.
Isn't she wonderful? I really like her. And I listened to that same talk, myself. It was a good listen. Love her humor!

I've been caught in that same sticky flypaper (the Audo Talk quote). Only I saw the knot so closely that I made my reactions indesipherable knots, great convoluted conundrums. (Pardon the mixed metaphors!) Being clever has its downside! But my knots are now undoing themselves in laughter and joy. I don't need to understand my knots! I merely have to drop them as though they were red hot rocks, straight from a fire. This frees up the laughter, which gives a really nice belly massage, which ... frees up more laughter. (I laugh because I can't understand.)
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  #27  
Old 09-21-2011, 08:36 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Acceptance is such a profound inquiry. One can have self and other acceptance and still desire and work toward change. In fact, change comes much more easily when there is acceptance(!)..
Acceptance is something I really need to do more often. Acceptance of myself, and others, and situations.

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She has hours and hours of "Audio Talks" for free on her website! Yay! And her book is fantastic. I've given many copies away to friends and they all report that the book is fantastically helpful to them.

And, no, her publishing company has not hired me to say this stuff!
I love her. Definitely gets me to think. I'm sure I'll end up buying the Radical Acceptance book this week on my kindle.

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I don't need to understand my knots! I merely have to drop them as though they were red hot rocks, straight from a fire. This frees up the laughter, which gives a really nice belly massage, which ... frees up more laughter. (I laugh because I can't understand.)
That thought is so freeing-- that I don't need to understand my reactions to things, I just need to let them go. Recognize and Allow. And Let Be.
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  #28  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:01 PM
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That thought is so freeing-- that I don't need to understand my reactions to things, I just need to let them go. Recognize and Allow. And Let Be.
Living with self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-loving... is fundamentally and drastically different from living without these, and (on one level) these two constitute differing paradigms (On the level of our thoughts - "understanding".) So, if we're heavily identified with the former paradigm, and our typical thoughts are tied to that paradigm, we will tend to think these thoughts "make sense" and are "accurate". The other thoughts will perhaps not even make sense to us, and will appear inaccurate.

There comes a time when we are right between these "paradigms," and we can feel really lost and confused much of the time while in this threshold / passage / transition.... Our basic sense of identity is crumbling! And this is a really good time for much laughter and much saying "I just don't know" ... "I just don't understand".

And ... I don't! I just don't understand. But laughter works. It heals.
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Last edited by River; 09-21-2011 at 09:07 PM.
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  #29  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:25 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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It seems the fantasy is just a safe harbor......and because you've never had that it seems far off or impossible....I think it's very possible for you.
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  #30  
Old 09-22-2011, 02:37 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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There comes a time when we are right between these "paradigms," and we can feel really lost and confused much of the time while in this threshold / passage / transition.... Our basic sense of identity is crumbling! And this is a really good time for much laughter and much saying "I just don't know" ... "I just don't understand".

And ... I don't! I just don't understand. But laughter works. It heals.
This very much explains where I've been lately, though I'm starting to really SEE it now. I could definitely feel that I wasn't who I "had been", and that the way I'd been getting through life wasn't working for me, but I didn't really know who I was going to become.

I definitely feel like my basic identity I thought I had in my mind is going away and I'm not sure what's going to replace it. It's a bit freaky... but good.

Funny about the "I don't know" ... I was just telling hubs this past weekend that I'm definitely seeing I don't know as much as I thought I did and I'm just going to accept that I don't know what the hell's going on and just go with it and see where it takes me.
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