My husband and I are pretty new to Poly. Weve been together almost 10 years and are both bisexual. In the past while we put the idea of polyamory on the table. We have had countless discussions about this before making the decision to go ahead with it. Quite quickly we both met people we are interested in. For me it is a woman Ive been friends with a little while that I am both sexually and emotionally very connected with. We feel very strongly about one another and this is still early on!
My husband met a man at the bar that is 5 years younger then him. They had a very strong attraction to one another and fooled around a bit but left it at that. He was extremely into this guy and getting to know him better. He was very excited by the idea of him, so I felt it was going in the right direction. Last night they had a date night planned and so he went over to this guys house. They made out a bit but my husbands response was different this time. This morning he told me he was not turned on by this man anymore and that he couldn't stop thinking of me when they were together. I know that he loves me and in some way fear he is having a hard time breaking out of his more traditional ways of thinking. At this point he is responding out of fear and wondering if he will ever find a man he truly wants to be with enough to have an outside relationship. He could just be jumping to this conclusion, because at first when he met this man he was VERY interested. Right now he is pretty much saying he wants to say "screw-it" to the entire poly relationship we have built, and that includes my relationship with my girlfriend... and he hopes to go back to life how it was before. I don't think we can go back to what we where before. I'm a very hurt and upset that he is wanting to control my relationship with my girlfriend. I feel like he needs to do some evaluating of how he feels and discuss it with me, but it unfair to force me to stop seeing my girlfriend. Im going to end up being angry and resentful if our relationship goes that way. Up until yesterday he said he didnt feel jealousy and when he did he was coping with it well and owning his feelings. Now he said if I try to continue this relationship with GF while he is mono with me, he will feel jealousy and maybe anger towards me. Has anyone had experience with a partner backing out on a poly arrangement? and where do we go from here?