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Old 09-21-2011, 02:42 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
This is the part of your question(s) that has me wondering. You seem to naturally equate a secondary role as 'following'.
Hmm, that's not exactly how I meant it to come out. Of course, someone who is in a secondary relationship with someone who has another primary can lead a completely independent life -- I do, for example -- but when it comes to the relationship with Gia, my partner who already has a primary, there's lots that I don't get a say in that her primary does.

For instance, life decisions like where they'll buy a house or when they'll have kids. In that sense, if I want to be involved in her life, I need to work with those things and find a way to fit into what they've built even while I myself don't get the same sort of decision making power in shaping what they're building.

If they diverge too far from where I want to go, maybe our relationship will change -- I won't follow them into hell. But I've found I'll joyfully follow them to places they're going that I wouldn't otherwise choose to go in my life right now, like being involved in the raising of a child.

I dunno, maybe that's just called being a supportive partner?
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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secondaries, secondary, submissive, third partner, thirds

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