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Old 10-28-2009, 05:53 AM
rolypoly's Avatar
rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default How you changed when you opened to poly?

Here's what's been circling in my little head...

In the past, when thinking about someone I had a crush on, I used to find all the things that scared me about them.

As a perfect example, I recently talked to my new "crush" or "love interest" or whatever, (he's a friend, firstly). We talked about our weekends and told me how he danced until the wee hours of the morning. In the past, as a "monogamous" woman, seeking what her family would approve of as a responsible, reliable, potential father, anything outside the definition of those qualities would scare me.

Hmm, dancing until all hours? You will be a bad partner, neglectful and a bad father...

What a drag!

Somehow, identifying as poly has eased up on my need for the reassurance that someone will be a "good partner", as I defined it. I believe this is largely because now the pressure is less on one person and is allowed to spread into many, including myself.

Poly also introduced many more options of what makes a good partner.

Maybe what I'm needing is a friend that I can spend time with occasionally, dance until the wee hours, (while my other partners sleep soundly), and then go back to a less partying lifestyle. Wouldn't this person then make a very good partner, (if we define partner as someone who meets a need for us).

Have any of you discovered similar changes in yourselves after "coming out" as poly??

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