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Old 09-20-2011, 10:21 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by Tinyblu View Post
How can you "cheat" in a poly relationship?

Can you please define polyfuckery?
Cheating can happen in poly. Basically, cheating is when someone is involved with or screwing someone else without the full knowledge and consent of their partner(s). If they're hiding it or lying about it, that's cheating. Or if the people in a poly relationship agree to certain boundaries and then break them; ie., if two people promise that they won't have intercourse with an additional person. Even though they've agreed that they can do lots of other sexual activities, if they go and have intercourse without clearing it first, that's cheating.

Polyfuckery is a term used when people say they are poly just to get away with having sex with lots of people. When someone is into polyfuckery, it's not really about love -- it's more like recreational sex or being open. In general, polyamory doesn't focus on sex, because it's about having or being willing to have multiple love relationships.

I agree with SNeacail that a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy may not be the best situation for you. From what I understand, that is often part of an open relationship, but generally not the best scenario for poly relationships which thrive on honesty and openness.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 09-20-2011 at 10:23 PM.
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