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  #11  
Old 09-19-2011, 04:01 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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So you had an online affair that torn up the foundation of your marriage 2 yrs ago and now pitching poly didn't go well .....not really hard to believe.

Marriage of 11yrs ....a kid or two ....love my husband but ..... sounds like case restless heart syndrome.

I started a thread about this very topic a few months ago....

No you are not selfish to want more in your life....but I hope you realize this "more" will come at a price....how big a price is dependent the players....all those in the household.

Good luck to you D
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  #12  
Old 09-19-2011, 09:23 PM
AuroraWD AuroraWD is offline
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This really helped me today Thanks for posting it!

"Some people find the following analogy useful: "Apple pie is my favourite dessert. I am absolutely crazy about apple pie. I mean that I think that I'd GO crazy if I could never eat apple pie again. But now and then, I like to eat chocolate ice-cream. You know what I mean?" [Some - those into 3somes - take the analogy even further: "You know what would be heaven? Hot apple pie with a scoop of chocolate ice-cream on top!!!"]
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  #13  
Old 09-20-2011, 02:28 PM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AuroraWD View Post
This really helped me today Thanks for posting it!

"Some people find the following analogy useful: "Apple pie is my favourite dessert. I am absolutely crazy about apple pie. I mean that I think that I'd GO crazy if I could never eat apple pie again. But now and then, I like to eat chocolate ice-cream. You know what I mean?" [Some - those into 3somes - take the analogy even further: "You know what would be heaven? Hot apple pie with a scoop of chocolate ice-cream on top!!!"]
You're welcome! But now I'm intrigued. HOW did it "really help"? To get things in perspective, to understand your partner's leanings towards poly... or tactically ("Hey, Guys, let's go really wild for dessert!")?
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If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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  #14  
Old 09-20-2011, 05:15 PM
AuroraWD AuroraWD is offline
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I'm working through some challenging painful experiences with fears of losing my Lover if we open our relationship again, insecurities, and feelings of being replaceable. I've been poly my whole life with many many relationships over the years, but this is the first time I've ever had feelings of wanting to be "enough" of wanting my Lover to only want me, and not just chose me over others, but to not even want others... it's the first time I've ever been in a relationship with someone who is so awesome and compatible that I've found myself not wanting others, that others pale in comparison and are of no interest to me... and feeling a longing of wishing he didn't want anyone else... the thing is, I know he doesn't want anyone else the same way he wants and loves me. That the option of being open for him, is just to have the option of occasional casual variety and fun experiences...

This helped me get perspective on recognizing and acknowledging that feeling of wanting to be his "Only", and wanting to be enough, not just enough, wanting to be so completely wanted by him that he doesn't see or want anyone else.... but I know, from having been poly my whole life, that this feeling I am having is irrational and also completely unsustainable for a lifetime. He is going to want, desire, admire, and be attracted to other women... he may even fall in love with other women and want other relationships... even though he insists constantly that this is not the case with him, that he is a "One" committed intense relationship kind of guy (he was always monogamous before meeting me) and that he Loves me and that I am on a totally different eschelon, and that no one could ever even come close to replacing me, and that he'd never leave me for someone else.

So you're quote helped me get perspective and understand that I am his "Apple Pie" and he is my "Apple Pie" and we can both enjoy a bowl of ice cream now and then but I can feel secure in his Love for me and his commitment to Us, and let go of the fears I have of losing him, or being replaced by another.
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