Originally Posted by NeonKaos
It's better when folks just come right out and say what they mean. A lot of unnecessary obfuscation happens when people try to beat around the bush out of trying to protect each other from the truth and/or reality.
When saying what you mean, shows little to no compassion for the other person, more problems are caused. Avoiding certain triggers that will shut off your partners ability to listen objectively can go a long way to actually getting your point across. Sometimes you need a small sharp chisel instead of a sledge hammer, likewise the revrse can be true. There is also an art to being able to adequately articulate exactly what you mean.
@ NYC - some techniques our marriage councelor told us to focus on seemed silly and extremely forced when we first tried them. However, after doing it a few times, we found a comfortable way to accomplish the same goal and have been able to put that into use and it no longer feels forced or silly. Now when things are out of control and "our way" isn't working, we call a time out and use the words the councelor told us and it helps us bring things back under control. It's like learning to dance, eventually all the little steps will flow into a fluid motion you barely need to think about.
Of course, if your way is working for you, then there is no need to "fix it".